The Peg

 

(thanks for the inspiration SC)

Pachinko is one of the strange phenomena which many people associate with Japan. It's a gambling game where you launch a bucket of small steel balls one at a time into a vertical board where they bounce off an array of pegs on their way to the bottom. If they land in certain channels or holes, you score points and redeem more balls which can then later be exchanged for prizes or money. It's loud and has bright flashing lights and the shop has fast techno music blaring - a total sensory overload. Like slot machines, some people are addicted and play them often, some even daily.

While I am no fan of pachinko and no advocate of gambling either, pachinko makes an interesting metaphor for life as a martial arts teacher. Last night after class we were talking on the train ride home and I shared the history of KM Japan, now 12 years old and counting. During that time many students have come, stayed and gone. New students are joining all the time. We have a wonderful, supportive community of people who are positive, supportive and energetic. We're changing our lives, together.

What about those who left? Everyone has a story and a reason. Some left because of their jobs or families. Some left to pursue other dreams or do other martial arts. For the most part, students who have left are always welcome to return if/when the path brings them back to us.

I began to think of my role as that of a peg on a pachinko board. As you can see from the photo, the board is filled with many pegs or pins. When the ball strikes a peg, it will be deflected right or left as it continues its linear journey to its final destination. The peg may encounter the ball for just a split-second, but its trajectory has been altered. Of course, the ball would have traveled very differently had the peg not been there. On the way down, the ball will strike a variety of pegs and have its trajectory changed multiple times before it gets to the bottom. Math people will recognize it as a multiple-step binomial stochastic. The fun (if you consider it fun) of pachinko is the seemingly random path the balls take. However, an expert will tell you the path is not entirely random and that striking certain key pegs helps to determine the odds of landing in a particular desired spot. Each peg has a role to play and is not responsible for anything other than the impact of the ball it must cause. The pegs cannot keep the ball, nor chase after it once it passes by. There is no worry if the ball doesn't strike a peg, since other balls will inevitably follow.

I do not own the journey of my students. They do. It's all I can hope to be a peg in their boards at the right time for them to be redirected by meeting me, hopefully to a better place in the future. I have bounced off of many pegs on my way here, and I am still in motion. Likewise, many steel balls have bounced off me in the past 12 years, and I hope many more will come to me before my time is over.

If I do my job well, I can be a catalyst for change. I can be the peg in the board that changes the direction of the ball toward something better. Combined with all the other influences, I can be a part, even a small part, of that ball reaching a desired destination and achieving success (the metaphorical prize at the bottom).

Like so many things in life, you can't win if you don't play.

See you at class!

   

Save Me

 

(Thanks for the inspiration Dancing J)

Growing up, I knew I would never have the same kind of life as other kids. I was a foster kid from a group home, an ethnically Jewish kid ironically raised by foster parents who were German Lutherans (nee Schultz) and Irish/English Catholics (Leonard) in suburban Chicago. I had a bed, a roof, some clothes on my back and food on the table. It wasn't much but it beat the hell out of being in a group home. I heard from other fosters about the horrors that took place in group homes, and I was (and always will be) grateful to have been spared from it. I was so lucky to have the same foster family for nearly 18 years - the whole program.

My foster parents, Charles and Dorothy, were 40+ years older than me and not prepared to handle a kid born premature, blind in one eye, and with ADHD. Along the way I caused a lot of suffering for them, which I deeply regret, but they never gave up on me, my foster mom didn't, anyway.

For much of my childhood, several times a week I was picked up off the playground in front of everyone and whisked away to Illinois Children's Home and Aid on Dearborn Street downtown to see my caseworker, just as if I had been abducted by aliens. I would be returned that night, looking the same but feeling "different" after having them poke around my head and trying to get me to articulate my "feelings" about having been abandoned into foster care at 1 year old. At school, the other kids treated me badly and I was bullied mercilessly/continuously for being different - for being a little, runny-nosed kid with a big mouth, thick glasses held together with masking tape. They said I was being taken to a secret lab and "experimented" on... not so far from the truth after all. None of my many faceless caseworkers or social workers did me much good. Mostly I just wanted to be left alone.

 

At night I dreamed of being far, far away --- somewhere, ANYWHERE where I wouldn't have to endure the life I was given. I imagined my real parents swooping in to take me back to the better life I thought I deserved. I imagined them loving me and wanting me. I have never stopped imagining it, even to this day. There is nothing more cruel than allowing a child to feel unloved or unwanted.

More than anything, I wanted someone to save me. I wanted to be saved from the heartbreak, the emptiness, the loneliness, the broken promises, the hopelessness. I wanted to be saved from the kids who bullied me. I wanted to be saved from my thoughts, which drifted toward suicide so often. I wanted to be saved from myself before I did something...permanent...in order to escape. No one ever came.

At 14, I started working full-time (Teddy's Hot Dogs) while I kept going to school. I paid my own high school fees and bought my own textbooks. At 18, I completed foster care and Cook County freed me to be my own legal guardian. My foster parents moved across the country to Nevada and I stayed on my own in Chicago, renting a room at a friend's house.

After high school, with no money or prospects to go to college I worked full time, driving a forklift at a warehouse. I was 20 years old making $5.10 an hour but it was honest work. I'd look in the mirror and wonder if this was really all there was. Again, I was hoping someone would save me. I wanted to be saved from the boredom of an average life. I wanted someone to tell me how it was going to get better and when. I wanted a life plan.  Again, no one came. The days passed.

After two hard years I had saved up enough money for a class at community college (College of DuPage). I was pretty sure I'd never get a degree or be able to afford to continue going but it was a start. I sat in the parking lot and cried with joy at Introduction to Psychology (April 1987) which for me was a symbol of my hopes and dreams for my future taking shape. Somehow, I kept scraping together enough money to go and take more classes. Since the classes I wanted/needed were during the day, eventually I had to give up the warehouse and get a night job. I learned to bartend by going to a three-month bartending course over the summer and started working nights and going to community college during the day. With good tips I was able to afford my little apartment, a running car and my classes. The bar had free employee meals which kept me in food and drink (whenever I was working).

Fast forward to today - at 56 I have lived and worked in Japan for well more than half of my life - since I was 24 years old - 32 years and counting. I finished college entirely self-funded and graduated with a 3.54 GPA and a dual BA degree in International Business and Japanese, while working full-time. I went on to get a Masters of Science in Finance degree from Baruch College, CUNY (also self-funded and also while working full-time). I have worked for the very best companies in the world including Canon, Lehman Brothers, JP Morgan, Thomson Reuters, Salesforce, Microsoft, ServiceNow and even worked on both sell-side and buy-side in capital markets. I got married, bought a house and raised a family. I continued my martial arts journey, ultimately becoming a teacher as well as a lifelong student. I have visited more than 50 countries (and counting) and mastered one of the most difficult foreign languages for westerners to learn (Japanese), ultimately becoming a translator/interpreter and editor as well.

All the dreams I achieved in my life (and more) happened because I was saved (no, not by Jesus Christ). 

I was saved by…myself.

After spending so many years waiting for someone else, I very painfully learned that no one was coming. My parents weren't coming to get me. Nobody was coming to show me the way. No job was looking for me to be a senior executive. The Emperor of Japan didn't send me an engraved invitation. The school didn't give me a full academic scholarship. No beautiful, rich heiress came knocking on my door to take me to live in the Caribbean. Nothing. Silence. Emptiness. Just...me.

The day I realized this was probably the worst day of my whole life. The sadness and darkness consumed me. I have never felt more alone, never been more scared. The walls of my little room closed in on me until I was sure I would be crushed. I couldn't sleep and suffered from nearly constant panic attacks and crippling anxiety. I was paralyzed by fear. I didn't even know where to begin. I was sure I would fail.

Likewise, the day I realized this was probably the best and most important day of my whole life. Despite the fear, I was free. I no longer needed to wait for anything or anyone. I knew they weren't coming, so I simply got on with the business of living. I made my plans carefully, step by step, because I knew I had no backup, no plan B if I failed. I came to Japan in 1991 (4th attempt) and left everything behind. There was nothing to go back to if I didn't make it. I took risks, but always when I felt the odds were heavily in my favor. I couldn't afford to lose. Knocked down again and again, I always got up and kept going. I knew there would never be someone to pick me up. I would have to do it myself. Painful as it was, I always managed to keep moving forward, inch by inch. Say what you will about me, I think I am probably the world's most stubborn bastard and that has helped a lot.

I am no saint, no angel. I am no superhero or demigod. I am no Bodhisattva. What I did anyone could do. Many have done far better. My only advantages were being unafraid to work hard, and recognizing early on that I would have to do it myself. This saved me a lot of time. Once I stopped waiting, the days became busier but those inches added up to a life I am grateful for and a set of experiences I treasure. In retrospect, a few things I would advise:

• Do not depend on your family for an inheritance or a life of ease and luxury.
• Do not depend on your teachers to give you all the answers.
• Do not depend on your employer to give you skills or a career or imbue you with wealth.
• Do not depend on the government to give you health or support in your old age.
• Do not depend on society to look after you or defend your rights.
• Do not depend on those around you for your success or support when things get really bad.
• Do not depend on your partner for your self-worth or happiness.

Look deeply into the mirror at your greatest ally, your BFF, your rock of strength. Look at the one who can take you where you want to go. Look and see your savior. Your champion. The one you've been waiting for. YOU.

You got this.

TWA

 

If you asked me to sum up the key objective of training in martial arts in a single word it would be: 

ALIGNMENT

Alignment between ourselves and others. Alignment with our beliefs. Alignment in our lifestyle. Alignment is often called "balance" which many of us are seeking (and need desperately) in our lives. So does one achieve alignment?

Like most things, it starts with the self. We must align internally before we can align externally. In this case, the alignment I'm looking for I call TWA.

Thoughts

Words

Actions

TWA operates like a chain reaction of cause and effect: thoughts lead to words which cause actions. This works in both positive and negative directions. In a positive way, a change in mindset can lead to re-framing descriptors for our goals and then to specific sequences of daily actions needed to achieve them. On the opposite side, negative thoughts are often the first step toward loneliness and despair. These thoughts become negative words which may, in extreme cases, lead us to negative actions of self-harm or casing injury to others.

So, where to begin?  With the thoughts.

Aligning the thoughts means to anchor ourselves firmly in a positive mindset. It means  being committed to personal integrity and to focus on the good in things (ourselves and others) rather than seeking fault or blame. Alignment takes us out of the victim mindset and puts us in the victor mindset, reminding us of our possibilities rather than our limitations. Visualization can show us a better version of ourselves and help us understand who we want to become - a better version of ourselves. Imagining is the first step to becoming. If you can dream it you can do it. Daily meditations/affirmations are useful here. Good training in the dojo should help us develop a positive, challenging mindset and a good dojo should have a warm, healthy, happy energy among all the students and instructors.

Our thoughts give birth to our words. Since words bridge the gap between thoughts and actions, they can be considered the most important part of success. Making our thoughts into tangible, quantifiable ideas requires us to describe them, however the specific language we use to do so is of utmost importance. NLP, neurolinguistic programming is one of many sets of techniques designed to help us understand and improve ourselves through analysis and enhancement of the words we use. Using negative words about ourselves and others (written, spoken or otherwise) is emotionally harmful and limits our potential. As we are all too aware, words can be very damaging, to ourselves and others, and very hard to erase once they manifest. Even if sometimes negative thoughts emerge, good Zen practice helps us become able to let them go before they become specific words. In the dojo, it is good to deeply focus on using positive and empowering language to help enforce the supportive intentions of the dojo community. Negativity and guilt are tools of manipulation and do not belong in martial arts training.

Lastly, actions tie it all together. Without actions, all the well intended thoughts and words disappear without effect. In the end, we must execute on them and that takes courage. Standing up for ourselves and for others; lifting up ourselves and others is the central and highest mission of the martial arts. We should strive to be the positive and empowering spirit, voice and hands of others when they need us. When we embody the true spirit of martial arts, our positive energy brightens everywhere we are. Our encouraging words uplift those around us and provide comfort in the face of hardship. Our actions allow others to feel safe around us and position us as change makers. Constant, diligent training develops assertiveness, not just for ourselves but for others (once we become instructors). Our black belts, once worn, are with us every moment of every day, and that responsibility should motivate us to push as hard as we can for our alignment.

It is said that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. The thoughts and words can get you to the starting line, but in the end it is the step that will get you going on the way to your goals. Discipline and repetition require courage to let go of the old, negative habits and replace them with newer, healthier positive ones. Change needs bravery.

I think that in some way my entire life has been connected to trying to align my TWA. I'm still working on it, but I believe I am more consistent than before. Day by day, with focus and awareness, I try to improve on this point until the day when I am always aligned. No matter how long it takes, for me this is the most important achievement.

See you at class.   

Me Becoming Me

 

In Philosophy, it can be said that the most important question we can ask is "Who am I?" This question makes implicit that human beings are (we think) unique in our ability to be self-aware; that is, to recognize that we exist in a greater environment than just one of our own immediacy, the current moment and current surroundings. We can understand our past and plan for our future. With training, we can even begin to realize that we are more than our superficial flesh and bone selves. As Pierre Teilhard de Chardin elegantly stated, "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience." Who we are is such an important question, that it deserves to be asked again and again throughout our lives, since who we are is not static. We change, and this question is critical for understanding, and hopefully guiding those changes to be positive experiences for us. It is an important question to repeat, since we are not always truthful with ourselves, and iterations of this question often yield different results that can help get to the real truth where our thoughts, words and deeds are consistent.

Armed with our self-realization, Man has enthusiastically continued to search for meaning, attempting to explain not just our physical world, but cosmic and spiritual ones as well. We long to understand the WHY of our existence, and this longing makes us tragically beautiful. Far too often, we ascribe meaning to imaginary forces outside ourselves, and concoct elaborate fantasies about our own existence, unable to accept the truth of our infinite smallness. With training, we accept the impermanence of everything, including ourselves, and can appreciate the fleeting incarnation we have. In Buddhism, much emphasis is placed on being in the here-and-now as often as possible, and on letting go of all distraction from it. Ironically, it takes decades of diligent practice to return to our natural state of freedom, a state which other animals freely enjoy. Ignorance may indeed be bliss, but it is not our destiny. We are far too curious to remain ignorant. 

During meditation, we are taught to visualize in order to train the mind to increase its potential. This focus helps us reach deeper inside ourselves and unleash the power of our creativity. The more we practice, the more we become able to let go of outside distraction and utilize the mind's unique power to see beyond our other everyday senses. The focus and discipline of martial arts training makes a great companion to meditation. It can be said that they are brother and sister.

Martial arts is about so much more than punching or kicking; so much more than swinging a stick or a sword. Those are important, too, but really are means to an end. Martial Arts is a journey of discovery - about ourselves and others - from which we can unlock the door to deeper understanding, appreciation and gratitude throughout our lives.

Martial Arts is a continuum which ranges from systems that are very "martial" to those that are very "arts". There are so many systems/schools/instructors to choose from that we can search and (hopefully) find one best suited to our own preferred physical, mental and spiritual expression. A good blend should help us to discover the best version of ourselves we really want to become. At least a better version of ourselves than who we are right now.

In a modern world so filled with distractions, a world which constantly bombards us with messages about who retailers want us to be (so we can consume more of their products) in a never-ending cycle of not being good enough, it is very important to invest in the tools to help minimize these distractions. Good training, meditation and visualization can help us imagine better and better versions of ourselves which bring us closer and closer to the success we seek. These improved versions cannot be accurately characterized or quantified by anyone else. Only we, ourselves, can put a definition on our success, and identify the concrete steps and actions needed to get us there day by day.

Good training can help us develop the discipline, focus and courage to put in the real work needed to achieve our personal definition of success. There are no shortcuts.

In the end, becoming ourselves, the best, most authentic, most successful version of ourselves; completely, unashamedly, 24/7 ourselves, is all there really is. The rest is just background noise, isn't it?