The People Whisperer

I really like watching Cesar Milan's TV show "The Dog Whisperer".  At first, 6 years ago, we started watching it to better understand how to bring Butch, our pug puppy, into our family.  We hoped it would help us understand dogs better.  What we didn't realize at the time was how much it would help us understand people better.  As Cesar often says "People say I train dogs, but in many ways I train people".

One of the most important things he talks about on the show is the importance of energy.  He says "the dog is a reflection of your energy, your behavior.  You have to ask "What am I doing?"  That's the right question to ask."  He clearly means that dogs understand and respond to the energy we give them - when we are calm and relaxed they are calm and relaxed.  When we are nervous or excited they are nervous or excited.  It should come as no great surprise that people are often the same.

Thinking about this, I discovered that the very same technique, projecting calm-assertive energy (being quietly, confidently in control), helped me to better manage my children.  Ultimately, it even helped me at work with both coworkers and clients.  I was far more successful when I would purposefully consider the kind of energy I was giving off, and try to keep it calm-assertive as much as possible.  The lesson was clear --- it was not about changing others, it was about changing MYSELF.  The energy you give becomes the energy you get.

Using this technique of calm-assertive energy has helped in so many ways.  Avoiding the projection of excited, aggressive energy, especially when confronted by it from someone else,   has helped prevent situations from escalating and allowed me to avoid injuring anyone.  Cesar points out "It's important to note that aggression isn't the problem.  It's the outcome of a problem." I believe this is very often the case with people, just as it is with dogs.

Calm-assertiveness has helped customers feel confident that I can and will help them achieve their business goals.  It has helped other staff view me as a leader and trust me to make the right decisions for our group.  It has improved my relationships at home by helping us establish and maintain harmony.  Cesar says "Assertive does not mean angry or aggressive.  Calm-assertive means always compassionate but quietly in control."  I couldn't agree more. I try to make this my normal state of being.

Of course, I don't always remember to use this technique, but when I don't and I see things heating up or starting to go the wrong direction, I always ask myself "What am I doing?  What kind of energy am I giving?" and this usually helps get things back on track quickly by changing my energy back to calm-assertive.

In martial arts we talk about energy all the time, usually in the context of our KI or life-force, which we apply in fighting and use for health.  I believe the study of energy is a universal one, and of great importance when we consider the energy we give to others by our words, our expressions and our body language.  As Cesar says "Dogs do know how comfortable you are with yourself, how happy you are, how fearful you are, and what's missing inside of you."  I believe people instinctively know this, too.

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