My Life in the Dojo

 

I’ve been in martial arts since 1981. 45 years and counting. During that time I’ve only had to physically fight a few times (less than 5). However, I use my martial arts training every single day.  My many years in the dojo have brought me unparalleled happiness and challenged me continuously to become a better version of myself - to become the person I say I want to be. I’m not there yet, but after 45 years I’ve made measurable progress. The goals have changed, but so have I. Over time, I have become much clearer about who I need to be (and also who I don’t need to be).

Overall, the dojo has been a place of understanding. I came to the dojo at fourteen: a scrawny, half-blind, skittish, loud-mouthed, unruly little kid - angry at everything and everyone. Convinced the deck was stacked against me and the world was out to get me. I was a person who cared about nothing and no one except what I wanted at any given moment. I was lazy and uncontrollable. A menace to myself and without any direction or drive to improve.

The dojo gave me a positive environment to change and become more. Yes, I was challenged all the time. My original dojo was very strict and my teacher was very harsh and traditional. However, I knew it was tough love. I became a disciple (uchideshi) because I knew he cared about me and wanted the best for me. He tried to give me the tools to self-correct. He was patient but unforgiving and intolerant of excuses or laziness. He worked me hard. I grew stronger, more resilient. I learned to focus. I learned to be a critical thinker. He pushed me to learn in ways that public schools wouldn’t. He never judged me for my past, only holding me accountable for myself now, and for charting a course of action for who I said I wanted to be. In many ways, he was the father I wish I had.

From his foundation, I blossomed. I became a man. I became confident. Not just because of my strength and my capacity for violence, but because of my capacity for compassion. I learned to let go of my anger and to harness that energy into something positive that would motivate and power me toward my goals. I began to believe I was deserving of a loving and happy life. I became strong enough to work hard for the life I wanted. I learned to find a way to move forward and stop complaining about things. I learned to forgive, not just others but myself. My teacher’s education of me in Zen Buddhism continues with me today, decades after him planting the seeds. I am no saint, but I'm much, much better than who I was.

All of this was possible because he treated me as a person with potential. Someone special. He never highlighted what I couldn’t do. He only focused on what I could do, and what I would become able to do. He was always pushing me outside my comfort zone, but there to encourage me and lift me up. He was my guiding light. HE BELIEVED IN ME. Even when no one else did. Even when I didn’t believe in myself. I cannot overstate what a difference that has made in my life.

  We all need someone to believe in us.

After 7 years, he sent me to another teacher. I spent two years there as an apprentice there just focusing on the traditional Japanese sword arts. This further deepened my spiritual side and helped me overcome many of my demons. As my teacher often said “the goal of the sword is to cut away all illusions you have about yourself, about others, about the world…”. I did my best. His training and encouragement helped me get to Japan, where I have lived ever since. My journey continues.

What I learned:

● The Dojo is a Positive Place - no room for any negativity. Ever.

● We ALL can belong in the dojo - Everyone has a place.

● In the dojo we are all the same - learners, explorers, discoverers.

● We Lift Each Other UP - we never, ever push each other down. Never.

● We learn how to fight so we can make peace - with ourselves, with each other, and with the world

● We are ALL students. Forever. The more we learn the more we realize we don’t know

I am heart-broken to see senior people act in the dojo as if it were a military training academy. It’s not. Neither is it a toxic workplace. By treating it this way, instead of relieving stress we create more. This is completely unacceptable. Even with best intentions, negativity has NO PLACE in a dojo.

The one thing, the ONLY thing, that matters in the dojo is that we are all accepted and support each other’s growth positively. Once we let go of Ego, we are finally free to learn from each other and to enjoy the happiness that only exists in a dojo. The training exists for us to become better - not through belittlement or ridicule, but through encouragement and support of our teachers, students and partners. 

For me, this has been EVERYTHING. It has made all the difference in my life. I am happy. I am grateful. I love and am loved.

I wish you the same. See you in class.