The Great Debate

 

He and I been friends a long time. In fact, he was one of the first who believed in me. We've shared countless meals, drinks and chats about many different topics over the years. We've traveled together many times and enjoyed our time together (and still do). Last night, however, we disagreed.

Not a mild disagreement, rather a fundamental disagreement about how society should function and how we should function as part of it. Both of us were passionate about our positions. Both of us were adamant. We tried, in vain, to persuade each other to accept our arguments. We tried to show why we were "right". In the end, our opinions were not changed. If anything, they were galvanized. That's OK.

What was really important was that we could disagree; deeply disagree. Passionately disagree. Yet still remain friends. We understood each other's positions. We accepted the logic, even though neither of us was swayed by the other. Through the argument we each gained a deeper insight into the other's perspective and came away with a newfound respect. At the end of the night, we hugged each other like we always do with no bitterness or hostility. Nothing but love.

There was no need to resort to personal attacks or character assassination. There was no need for shouting or threatening or insulting. Our disagreement did not damage our friendship or result in anger. We simply have opposing views on a topic of grave importance to us both. That's OK.

My country was founded on a two-party system designed to promote exactly the kind of dialog we had. It was deliberately structured so that both parties could have opposing views and through debate decide what outcome would be the most acceptable (or least unacceptable) to both sides. This method forces compromise and cooperation, as well as helping make sure both sides always get at least part of what they wanted.

It's very disappointing that these days we cannot disagree without it descending into visceral hatred and  potential violence. We are all stuck in our microtribalism and living in echo chambers where we never really get an opportunity to safely challenge each other and discuss the important issues of our time in a respectful way. We actively avoid anyone who doesn't share the exact same beliefs we do. We seek to reinforce our confirmation bias at every opportunity, afraid of ever being wrong or, God forbid, persuaded to change our minds.  This is not healthy for us nor for society writ large.

Sadly, our leaders model the worst possible behavior and spread lies and personal attacks rather than accurate information and persuasive logic. It is increasingly difficult to find quality news and information and every day it is more challenging to find the truth hidden in all the misinformation. We are disillusioned and mistrustful of everything that doesn't align with our personal worldview.

I yearn for a simpler time when we could actively debate our way forward. I wish we could get rid of all the poisonous rhetoric and focus on the facts in order to decide the path that brings the most benefit to the majority of Americans (not just the billionaires). I wish I could trust again.

I'm grateful for having the kinds of friends, true friends, that I can disagree with. It's a blessing.