It happened. After 45 years in martial arts, 18 years in Kali Majapahit, and 13 years since I tested for 1st Dan black belt and 7 years since my last test, I successfully tested for Katalungan Guro (senior instructor), 4th Dan. I am now one of only two people globally holding this rank.
What was it like?
We started the day at the chalet with a light breakfast and started training at 0800 by the lake nearby, a cold rain interrupting my solo baston class, which I finished with a demo indoors. We then packed up and left the chalet for a long drive into Annecy to Guro Jeremy's dojo and started the test in the late afternoon.
Overall, about 4 hours of testing including both expected and unexpected elements. As expected, single and double sticks, knife defense, empty hands, boxing and kickboxing. Successive rounds added intensity and fatigue. At various points I was asked to teach/explain techniques as I responded, which forced me to keep my composure throughout. In addition to the drilling and sparring (foam sticks and foam/training knife), I had several rounds of full-contact sparring in full body armor/gloves with the rattan stick. My partner was Guro Jeremy. This alone left me exhausted and emotional, but with almost two hours of testing still remaining.
By the end, I was ready to collapse, and made it through only by the greatest of willpower and support from my testing partners. I got back to Kasama Seb's at about 22:00 and was grateful to have a meal waiting (Thanks Yan!). I passed out shortly afterward.
I'm glad I passed. I'm glad it's over. Apart from some minor bumps and bruises I was not injured. I kept my partners safe. That's what matters. Any test you can walk away from is a good test.
What Did I learn?
Expect the Unexpected
Every instructor-level test I have taken, 5 so far, has been challenging in different ways. I have written about them all in this blog. Guro Fred had a unique way of using both mental and physical (even emotional) elements to push testers to the brink and keep them there for as long as possible. I do not think he would have let any of us fail, but it was not possible to know that at the time. Each testing added in unexpected drills or situations in order to increase the stress and pressure. Physical exhaustion was the table ante, after which mental fortitude was all you had left to carry you through. This time, it was in an unfamiliar place, on minimal sleep/jetlagged, underfed, and with several hours of training fatigue and a long car ride in between. Still, I had to deliver. No excuses.
I told Guro Ben earlier in the week that what we think is our limit usually represents only about 40% of our actual limit. This was definitely true for me in this case. I felt ready to quit after the full-contact stick sparring, but still managed to find enough energy to go on for another two hours or so and complete the test somehow.
Full-Contact Stick Sparring
This was the most stressful and emotional part of the test. Guro Jeremy is younger, bigger, faster, stronger. I haven't worn the body armor in about 15 years. The suit restricts movement and is oppressively hot. I could't wear my glasses so my vision was impaired. I felt from the beginning I would lose. The helmet makes a PING every time the rattan stick hits the metal facemask. I hate that sound. I must have heard it a dozen times, each one adding to my building frustration. I kept thinking I should be...better. I wasn't. We clinched and ended up on the ground more than once, the bulky suit being cumbersome and making it hard to wrestle. Guro Jeremy's skill in groundwork kept him confidently in control. I felt vulnerable and that made me angry and frustrated because I expected myself to be strong(er).
We don't always get to choose our opponents (I didn't) nor the time, place and circumstances of a fight. Some fights we are sure to lose. We fight anyway. It is important to go down swinging and give 100% even in a fight you don't think you can win. Always make the opponent earn it. No, I didn't win this one but I gave everything I had. That's all I could do. This session required a big emotional reset in order to continue testing and was a great reminder to manage my ego and accept that I won't always win. Guro Jeremy was patient yet stern, pushing me as hard as I could take. I'm grateful for it. I needed that. I had to let go to keep moving forward, and fortunately I did.
It Takes a Village
Guro Jay, Guro Torrey and Guro Laizid were also testing, and I think everyone was as exhausted as I was at the end. The tests are not easy for anyone. We only pass the tests through the grace of our partners, who push us without ego and without injury. The keep our energy high and give us strength when we are ready to give up. I am very grateful to have tested with people I consider my family rather than a tournament filled with competitors I don't know. Training with them has made me better. testing with them allowed me to shine. Everyone was a part of my success, and sharing it made it even more valuable. I don't think any of us will ever forget that afternoon in Guro Jeremy's dojo.
Play the Cards you are Dealt
In the end, there is only the NOW. There is no value in hoping for a different set of better circumstances. There is only doing what you can, the best you can, with what is there now. You must fight the fight in front of you and not give up. Ever. You focus on the next round or the next repetition and move forward inch by inch until it's done. What really matters is that you don't give up. Not in the dojo and not in life. Success is won through dogged perseverance and grit. I'm glad I'm a stubborn old bastard.
I'll be turning 60 in a few months. Some 60 year-olds are slowing down and in decline.
This test, and the challenge of the training camp overall, made me feel like I can still deliver when I need to. I hope I did justice to everyone's expectations of me. If you have feedback on my test, please share either publicly or with me via DM. I want to know what you thought.
Thanks again to everyone for their support. Maraming Salamat Po.
See you at class.
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