willpower

"Having survival skills is important; having the will to survive is essential."
- U.S. Army Survival Guide

As I was reading the above on my way into work today, I reflected on what this might mean in the con text of martial arts training.

For many of us, especially those of us who come from the Japanese traditions, martial arts is a "do" 道 a way of life or life path.  Still others see this as a way of improving health/physical fitness, overcoming stress, or otherwise increasing the quality of their daily lives.

When it comes to survival/self defense, there are only a few things that really matter.  Probably first and foremost is your state of mind.  This may seem counter-intuitive to some, but good training without the right frame of mind will get you killed.  bad/no training with the right frame of mind will probably still save your life.

There are countless examples of people under attack that have survived because they had the right frame of mind.  Victims of rape, assault, attempted murder, multiple attackers/armed attackers, and other seemingly impossible odds have stayed alive by having the right frame of mind, not giving up, and having enough pure will to endure.

In a self-defense situation it means understanding the reality of the situation and your environment (including your attacker(s)).  It also means being savage and aggressive enough to take the initiative and keep it throughout the encounter.  It means staying focused on the goal - staying alive - to the exclusion of everything else including pain/injury, fear, squeamishness, doubt, shame, and other negative emotions.  It also means stacking the deck as heavily in your favor as possible, which is precisely what your attacker(s) will do to you.  Using the element of surprise/ambush, cover,  evasion, psychology, and environment at your disposal to increase your chances of surviving.

We spend a lot of time in the dojo learning techniques and their application and not enough time developing the mental toughness and willpower that drives success and survival under stress.  I recall helping to teach a rape prevention class many, many years ago on a college campus near Chicago where several attempted rapes had been reported.  We showed responses to common attacks including a bearhug from behind.  In this case, we showed slamming the back of the head into the attacker's face, pal-heeling the groin, stomping the foot, and then running away for help.  One co-ed saw the palm heel to the groin and squealed "I could NEVER do that!".  Really?  Then guess what darling, you're raped (or worse).

No amount of training or technical knowledge can take the place of having the right frame of mind, underpinned by an iron will to survive.  Here I am not talking about paranoia (a healthy amount of which is also important) or fear (a healthy amount of which is important).  I mean being able to apply focus to a bad situation and escape it by whatever means are necessary and available.

Good training in the dojo can help with this, but it is also up to each individual to cultivate this willpower for himself or herself.  It is a skill that goes well beyond what you would need in self-defense, and is a cornerstone of using the martial arts to make a positive difference in your life.

"without a desire to survive, acquired skills serve little purpose and invaluable knowledge goes to waste."

Be a survivor.    

In Style

It was a great day with perfect weather.

We were lucky to have my friend Guro Romeo Ballares back in Japan and I asked him to come and give a special seminar on Redondo Arnis.  Guro Romeo is an interesting guy - 5th dan in Yoshinkan Aikido, but also having done FMA since his childhood days including Illustrimo Kali, Modern Arnis, Balintawak, and some others.  He is a spicy combination of the best of all of them, and a wonderful, kind and genuine person as well.

For my KM Japan students, most of them have had no direct experience studying FMA before joining my class.  Several of them (thankfully) have visited our HQ school in Singapore, gone to the annual camp in Bali, and attended Guro Fred's seminars here in Japan and so they have an idea of how diverse the Kali Majapahit system is and its major influences.  That said I encourage them to explore the richness of FMA as it is reflected in other major styles.  Seeing the different approaches to the same concepts helps develop a well-rounded perspective, and different styles emphasize different aspects of the FMA, which can add depth to the students' understanding.

While on one hand I believe it is important to study a particular style deeply for long enough to feel really at ease with it (generally 10+ years of regular training), it can also be said that through diversity of experience we can more fully understand the core concepts and gather a wider variety of expressions.  A critical flaw in Bruce Lee's Wing Chun training, for example, was not being able to learn the full footwork underpinning Wing Chun, without which the whole system cannot fully come together.  At the same time, the awareness of this led Bruce to explore ways to fill that gap - which led to the emergence of Jun Fan/JKD, which has been a truly revolutionary discovery for martial arts that has had almost limitless influence on our training and philosophy.

As its name would suggest, Redondo Arnis uses a circular style as a foundation, and like modern Arnis, contains some overlap with Japanese systems, especially in some of the locking and disarming.  They do emphasize a "walking" stick and FLOW, by having a variety of continuous-motion drills that develop dexterity, fluidity, and timing.  KM, by contrast, is much more heavily influenced by southeast asian style (hakka kuntao, silat, muay thai/muay boran) and has almost no connection to the Japanese arts.

Despite having no direct experience in Redondo Arnis, I found many of the basics to be very similar to things I have seen elsewhere or have worked on in KM.  At the core was single sinawali, which Guro Claes presented in Bali last year, and which is a great container/structure to work applications of flow, especially in the medium range (bridging to close range).  This framework allowed us to explore both solo and doble patterns, as well as solo versus doble applications for working on our reactions and timing.

From this flow we were able to explore bridging from medium to close quarters via the puno, finding the entry point (and response to puno attacks) every time the sticks crossed.  I have seen this flow in modern arnis before and I like it a lot.  It offers a clear reason why controlling the hand (not just the stick) is so important when blocking.  This led us to tapi-tapi drills to work on connecting the live hand to our partners and keeping that contact through the drill.

In the solo variation, we were able to experience the live hand contact with our partners, and ultimately this led us into a variety of disarms/strips in medium distance which were interesting and useful.  Some were variations of other common disarms in medium range (vine disarm, snake disarm), while others were body strips using elbow or underarm which felt very practical and easy to apply under pressure.

I wonder how many of my students picked up that the single sinawali is basically a flow using the punch block series that we have been working on throughout this cycle...

The Balintawak influence was evident in some of the recoveries and blocks in closer ranges, where returning from the dunga (stab) rapidly was critical, and where we used a combination of stick on stick and hand trapping to control the centerline and open up abaniko or other fast responses exploding from the centerline.

We spent a final few minutes on daga and application, using what we had learned and finding a unique disarm that I liked a lot :-)

Overall, as a contrast to what our students see in KM, this was a great seminar by a very talented martial artist.  Subsequently, I am sure we would be able to dig deeper past these basics into the depths of Redondo Arnis without disappointment, finding it (especially as Guro Romeo shows it) to be rich and robust, with plenty to take away.

Thank you again Guro for a most enjoyable Sunday in the park!

Pugay!   

  

Poker Face

Back in 2006, I wrote a post comparing martial arts (in that case Yoshinkan Aikido) to a chessgame.  You can read that post here: http://martialartsdigest.blogspot.jp/2006/01/checkmate.html

However, the other day, I heard a quote from someone about a contract negotiation that went like this, "It's not a chess game, it's a poker game".  I have been thinking about that idea ever since.

Chess is a great game because it involves deep strategy - in particular, predicting your opponent's reaction to your moves.  In this sense it is a lot like fighting.  Chess also involves a finite space and defined rules that nonetheless have infinite possibilities and combinations.  That is also a lot like fighting.  There are only a certain numbers of discrete movements humans can perform, but there are infinite ways to combine the movements and solve for particular situations.

At the same time, fighting is, in reality, much more like poker than it is like chess.

Chess is a game of defined rules and restrictions on movement for the various pieces.
This makes it a game for understanding limitations.  Poker, on the other hand, is about understanding probabilities.  A good poker player knows what hands can be made from the shown cards and the probabilities of other players being able to make those hands.  One key to good poker is pressing bets on high probability hands and folding low probability hands.

In martial arts, this means using the highest probability techniques in every situation, and having a very good understanding of the opponent's highest probability responses/counters to them - and being prepared for them.  Good fighters are not only masters of strategy, but also masters of psychology, able to predict the probability of an opponent reacting in a particular way and being ready when they do.  Setting up and Attacking by Drawing use exactly this principle.

Another one of the most important skills in poker (and fighting) is bluffing.  Bluffing makes playing poker a very different experience from playing chess.  By bluffing, you must rely on being able to convince the other player that their potentially winning hands are actually potentially losing hands.  This causes them to react to fear/apprehension and fold hands sometimes when they could have actually won. In fighting, this can make all the difference. Just giving the enemy pause - causing the apprehension or fear response - can make him decide to back down from a fight he could have won.  By the same token, bluffing too much will cause the other side to challenge, which could result in the bluffer losing.  Bluffing is best used sparingly and in combination with both weak and strong hands so the others never really know if it is a bluff.  Important too is the bluffer's ability to mask the tell - or giveaway - by having a flat expression or "poker face".

Bluffing is evident time and again in the animal kingdom as well, where countless species have used the bluff as part of their mating, courtship, or dispute resolution strategies.  They fan their feathers, puff up their chests, shriek loudly, or otherwise present themselves as formidably as possible, making their bluff in the hopes that the other will back down and give up.

Calling the bluff carries a risk that the bluff is not really a bluff and you will lose.  Fear of loss is an unbelievably powerful motivator to people to resist temptation (think of husbands not cheating on their wives for fear of divorce).

It could be said that poker is a game of emotion where chess is a game of logic.
A smart fighter knows how to use both to full advantage.

Size Matters

(at left - the character DAI 大 "big" in fires on a Japanese mountainside)

Size matters.  You hear it all the time.  This is not wrong, but it needs some context.

I am a big proponent of efficiency rather than just sheer size, not just because I am only 5"7" tall.  It is also because I abhor wastefulness, and I find an elegance in scaling the solution to the need.  For me this applies in martial arts as it does in everything.


There are times, though, when size matters more than anything else.

One of those times is when you SET YOUR GOALS.

Richard Bach, author of Jonathan Livingstone Seagull, wrote "argue for your limitations and they're yours."
I couldn't agree more.  While it is of critical importance that although your plans consist of smaller, more manageable steps to reduce the risk of failure, allow for contingencies, and reinforce achievement, the goals in your life - especially your long-term goals - should be BIG.  BIG enough to be meaningful for you.

To me, there is simply not much point in going after things which are already in reach - if they are too easy to achieve, there is no value in achieving them at all, and we never develop the unshakable confidence we need to make our real mark on the world around us.  If our narrow mind can imagine only something so small, it is far better to start over or wait than it is to pursue a goal which is not worthy of our continued best  efforts. Much of the time, the effort between small and big goals is not proportionately different, and the chance of success or failure not really so different either.  If you are going to fail something small, you might just as well fail at something big - something worth shooting for.

In my case, after I started martial arts training, my teacher used to talk about Japan and I became fascinated.  I set my mind on going to Japan one day to see for myself what was in all the books I read and stories he had told.

Ultimately, this goal took 10 years of my life to achieve, and I failed the first three attempts (the third time nearly breaking my will for good).  On the fourth attempt, my plan came together and I was able to realize my lifelong dream to visit Japan, arriving as an exchange student in Osaka in 1991.  That changed everything.  By January 2003 I was here for good, and except for some time in Singapore (at my company's request in 2008-2009) I have stayed in Japan the better part of 20 years.  Beyond even my wildest expectations I have built a life here --- A career, a home, a family... a treasure of experiences that has helped me truly understand that mankind knows no limitations other than what we impose on ourselves.

I wish you all the same sense of accomplishment I have had and I encourage you to plan small, but to DREAM BIG.

Focus

In Yoshinkan Aikido, my teacher used to tell me:

"all your power, all your force, at a single point, at a single time."

He said it so much it became like a mantra to me.  He meant that I always have to connect my contact point with my partner to my hips, and deliver (through hip rotation) my full body power into the contact point to control it and use the force to disrupt an attack.  This idea is at the core of Yoshinkan.  In Japanese, this focus is called "kime"　決　and is the subject of a lot of discussion both practical and philosophical.

My views on aikido have changed over the years, but I still think it offers some really important insights for training.

In Kali, our goal is to be in motion all the time, never static.
At the same time, we want to use our entire body all the time.

This may seem counter-intuitive to my prior post about relaxation, but it is not.
A central idea here is that we want to use the bigger muscle groups wherever possible.
This means not relying on our arms to do the work, but rather connecting through the hips and back.  We want to hit by driving from the balls of the feet up the line through the pelvis and hips, and deliver that power via the spine.  The feet are principally important not just for balance, but to deliver the explosive power of the coiling steps.

A second major concept is that we want to use our full bodyweight.  This means that I am actually dropping my weight into my strikes, as well as my stick.  It also means that I am letting gravity give additional force into what I am doing.  I do not want to lift my opponent.  Instead I want to drive down through the weak point of the structure and disrupt it.  When I throw someone I do not ever lift them.  Instead, I load them onto my hips and then use my bodyweight to drop or launch them.

The more efficiently and completely you can use your full body, the easier the motions will become.  Start by overemphasizing this motion.  Later on, you will remain tight but still be able to connect and drive.  The key is to focus your full body power at the same time on a single (weak) point of your opponent.

Filipino Martial Arts are very effective and easy to learn, but take a lifetime to do properly.
If you do not use your body efficiently, it may even take several lifetimes.

Wisdom from the Master

"The less effort, the faster and more powerful you will be"
 - Bruce Lee

It was cold outside.  I could see my breath as I walked from the parking lot to the school.  When we got to the dojo the mats actually had frost on them.  We shivered as we changed into our uniforms and lined up for class, shifting our weight from one foot to another as if that would lessen the chill on the bottoms of our feet.  Our teacher stood in front; quiet, motionless - relaxed.
Class began.

Within the first few minutes of warms ups and stretching, the windows had condensation on them and we were dripping in sweat.  All thoughts of the cold disappeared.  We were working - hard...I can recall this night as if it were yesterday...

But Bruce should know best...right?  What does he mean??  Less effort???  Is he kidding????
My own training has been nothing but maximum effort all the time as far back as I can remember...

In the younger students I can always see the tension.  It is especially evident in their shoulders, but often throughout their whole bodies.  The movements are unfamiliar.  Their minds understand the concept, but they are fighting their own bodies to get themselves to perform the motions the way their minds imagine them - it is like a puppeteer pulling the strings to get his puppet to open a door.  Their muscles are so tense they cannot move smoothly or flow at all.  They are disconnected from each other; disconnected from themselves.  They have no responsiveness, no explosiveness.  They get tired easily, because their bodies are like a clenched fist - permanently clenched... I shake my head and sigh to myself.  "not yet...still much further to go...", I think.

Bruce means that to be good at martial arts - to be fast and powerful - you have to RELAX.  This is especially important for the shoulders, but it applies to the whole body.  The only time we should experience tension is at the instant of contact with a target, and then immediately release back to relaxation.  In boxing I often see students who are flexed throughout the drills, teeth clenched, fighting themselves more than the pads or their partner.

I suggest meditation or yoga to help learn that to move well we need to move in relaxation.  To be connected, which is ESSENTIAL, we need to be relaxed.  Beyond this, in class it is important to deliberately relax the body before drills, especially those drills where you want to FLOW.

Bruce also means that rather than complex techniques, we should master our relaxed motion to be in the right place at the right time (which is always the wrong place at wrong time for our opponent).  This means less effort to respond and end a confrontation.  It means thinking ahead; being prepared.  Having STRATEGY.  If we rely on brute strength to overcome an opponent, then defeat is simply a matter of facing someone stronger (or several people).  Less is definitely more when it comes to fighting.

This is not to suggest laziness in training.  Rather, it means training SMART, so that we get the maximum benefit of training for the minimum effort of study and practice.  We do not train things which are of no use, and we do not waste time in the dojo.  We plan the work and work the plan.  We learn and adapt and improve and EVOLVE the system so it becomes a living, growing expression of excellence.

But Bruce means more than this --- his words are also a metaphor for success in every aspect of our lives.
Some people you meet live their lives like a clenched fist - using the maximum effort for even the smallest step of progress in their jobs, their relationships, their careers.  They are always their own worst enemy, constantly making their lives harder than they need to be, and suffering and becoming exhausted as a result.

The less effort (you use to succeed in your life), the faster and more powerful you will be.

1. Leverage the LAW OF ATTRACTION.  If you don't know about this, ask me.
2. Make the most of HABIT, which can be your best friend or your worst enemy.
3. Be Organized.  Have a plan for everything.  Write it down.
4. BREATHE.  It is the essence of Life.
5. Do not be afraid to ask for help.  We are all connected.
6. BE PURPOSEFUL, ALWAYS.
7. THINK!
8. THINK! (it's worth saying twice)
9. Learn to let go of negativity --- embrace the positive energy that surrounds you.  Let it fill you up.
10. LOVE --- life is so much better when you do.

Work hard in the dojo, but work SMART, and master the concept that "less = more".

See you soon.

Martial Arts or Peaceful Arts?

Peace does not mean an absence of conflicts; differences will always be there. Peace means solving these differences through peaceful means; through dialogue, education, knowledge; and through humane ways.

~ His Holiness XIV Dalai Lama

The above quote should resonate with all true martial artists.  We devote ourselves to a study of conflict; a study of war; a study of the human body, human psychology and human weakness.  However, to maintain balance we must also dedicate ourselves to a study of compassion; an appreciation of the impermanence of life; a disicpline of self-mastery; an attitude of humility.

It is really only through understanding the chaos and brutality of man that we can fully appreciate man's ability to show mercy.  It is through recognizing man's frailty and weakness that we can understand man's strength and resolve.  It is by overcoming our fear that we are able to harness our courage.  It can be said then that by knowing the worst of us, we can become the best of us.

Violence can serve no long-term purpose as a means of resolving conflict.  Any true martial artist knows that it is his/her confidence, honed sharp through constant training, that allows acceptance of others and the unknown without fear.  Knowing our "enemy's mind", we become more in tune with our own.  Once we can fully appreciate an opposing point of view as part of the larger Balance, we are then free to accept our differences without lowering to the base ego and weakness of violence.  We know that destroying another can only mean destroying ourselves.
We are all connected.

We are not always given the choice to avoid violence.  However, we should use every means at our disposal - dialog, education, knowledge and humane ways, to defuse potentially violent situations whenever we can.

I know the world is not perfect, and neither are we.  Nature itself is not perfect, but in it's imperfection lies the ultimate beauty and truth - We need not be perfect, merely tending toward perfection.

His Holiness XIV Dalai Lama is an insipirational figure, and I highly recommend his books.   

Thank You

Thank you.  After last Friday's class, a few of you made posts to FB mentioning that you had really enjoyed the lesson.  I am touched.  We had some new faces, too, and they seemed to feel at home in our group.

As an instructor, I put a lot of time and energy each week into coming up with good training drills and good examples for you.  I come every Friday with a lesson plan of activities (often rewritten a few times during the week) , a set of ideas for what I want to share, and an open mind to see how you absorb the curriculum.  I want to challenge you, but not break your spirit or take away your motivation.  I want to show you that you can do more and be more than you thought when you walked in.  I want to help you leave your job, your family, your worries, your troubles outside the door for a few hours and just focus on what we are doing on the mats - in the moment - right now.

I look forward to our weekly sessions as a time when we can do something for ourselves, without having to worry about making anyone else happy.  I look forward to sharing with all of you.  I look forward to our laboratory of martial arts where we can explore and challenge, find what works; discard what doesn't.  I look forward to the beginning of every cycle of new material when you feel uncertain and unsure, and the end of every cycle when you have worked it hard made it your own.  I look forward to the affirmation of our cycle tests and how you always seem to surprise me with how well you can focus and deliver what you know.  I look forward to feeling the fellowship and friendship of our group and how you support each other as good partners and welcome newcomers when they join.  I look forward to showing Guro Fred and Guro Lila how much you all have grown in-between their visits here.  You always make me proud.  I look forward to each of you expressing Kali Majapahit in your own unique FLOW, and becoming gifted instructors in your own right someday, sharing this wonderful experience with many, many more students of your own in the future.

During my time between jobs (18 months in fact) I tried my best to have a training routine with gym and martial arts training just on my own, but I realize it is much more fun to be training with others.  Your passion and energy inspire me, and the class really gives me something to think about all week long.  I promised myself I would stay committed to our training group no matter what happened in my career or personal life.
The class has been my anchor in rough waters, keeping me from drifting away, so to speak.

At the end of it all, our lesson is always about YOU.
It is about delivering the training experience YOU want.
What YOU need to grow as martial artists and as human beings.
It is about helping you continue your training until it becomes a habit - part of your lifestyle of mental and physical health and happiness for the rest of your lives.

There is a two-way promise inherent in this.
If you can promise to keep coming to class open-minded and ready to give 100%,
If you can promise to keep telling me what you want so we can keep improving,
I promise to give you everything I have, everything I have learned and done over all these years.
I promise to try my very best to make our lessons enjoyable, exciting, encouraging, and empowering.
I promise to be right there beside you on this journey, sharing your growth in martial arts and in life.

Thank you for making this experience so rewarding for me.
I am truly grateful.

How to be a good training partner

How to be a good training partner?

This is an important topic, since it is one people hardly think about, but which everyone secretly wishes they had.  We all want someone who will push us to do our best, make us look our best, inspire us, challenge us, support us.  However, we often spend very little time thinking about how WE OURSELVES could be that perfect training partner for the other students.

As you Give, So you Get
Being a good training partner involves real conscious effort.  It involves paying attention to your partner throughout the drills.  It is very important during boxing pad work, but just as important in sticks/blades/kadena de mano, and even stretching.  As you give, so you get.  The better partner you become, the better partners you will get.  This is one of the most important ways the Law of Attraction can work for you.

In Boxing
Our boxing/Panatukan segments are about technique, but also heavy cardio conditioning.  A good boxing partner knows how to hold the pads in position for the punching/kicking combinations, and applies some stress/pressure to their partner during the drills.  They stay a bit unpredictable, and make their partner work hard for the whole time.  A good partner watches his partner's form and checks to see that guard is maintained, balls of the feet drive the punches, there is coiling/compression into the techniques, and the arms and legs extend when hitting.  Good partners check for the right timing/pacing/rhythm of hits and combinations.  Proper boxing involves setting, hitting, and moving and a good partner watches and coaches, while at the same time not stopping the action.  The very best partner should make you work just to the edge of your comfort zone, making you earn every hit.  In my case, I like the padholder to be able to give me contact back (hitting my guard or head/body with the pads or gloves) since this helps me get used to being hit and still be able to keep my concentration while I attack.  Good boxing partners give compliments when they are deserved, corrections when required, and total focus in every moment of every drill.

Kadena De Mano
When we train in KDM using empty hands, sticks, or blades, we want a training experience that will help us understand how the human body will react to impacts.  While it is important not to become like overcooked spaghetti and go limp in our partner's arms (this is not an Argentine football match after all), at the same time if the partner resists and counters every single move, there is not real understanding, no muscle memory develops, and there is no chance for either partner to develop flow.  As we progress our training, we want a bit more resistance from our partner so we know how well our techniques work (especially locks/submissions/disarms), but in the beginner curriculum it is better to allow your partner to move you and feel the flow of the technique.

Billiards is a great analogy here.  In billiards, a skilled player is always playing several shots ahead of where the cue ball is at any moment.  Each shot lines up the next shot, and in such a way the player clears the table. Good players play one rack at a time, not one ball at a time.  In KDM, every move should set up the next move, keeping the opponent off balance and destroying the structure from the first step to the last.  This can only be understood if the partner gives a bit into the technique so we can see how the body is likely to react and set up the next move accordingly.

Of course, the danger here is that we over-cooperate, and the student never learns if it really works or not (a common criticism of modern aikido).  It is important to find the balance of movement for each student to he/she can grow and learn.

The Right Attitude
At the end of it all, being a good partner is about having the right attitude.  It's about looking and feeling like a martial artist and sharing that intensity with your partner to create the best possible training experience in every class.  We are all here to learn and grow, and having a partner committed to that makes the dojo a far better place.

What kind of training partner can you be?  The answer to this question will determine the quality of training you get back, so think carefully...

Rising

(Thanks for the inspiration Julie!)
NOTE - SPOILER ALERT!!

If you have not seen the newest/latest/last Batman movie, than this post may not make much sense to you.  I assume you have.

The movie deals with a lot of complex emotional issues, but in this post I want to focus on a central message and a great takeaway from the film.


Assuming you saw it, you know that an ill-prepared Batman returns from seclusion and faces Bane, an opponent he cannot defeat through physical strength or fighting ability alone.  Bane tells Batman he will "break him" and does so literally, dropping him onto his knee in WWF fashion.

He casts Batman into the same prison he arose from, to force Batman to watch as he destroys Gotham City.
This prison is said to be inescapable, and batman has a dislocated vertebra in his back to boot - not a very optimistic situation.

I like the plot, since it sets up a very important lesson.
As Batman is bedridden in agony, facing a TV which shows the news of how Bane is tearing Gotham apart, he must face and overcome the first of his fears ---  the paralysis of inaction.
Bruce Wayne must overcome the inertia of inaction and refuse to give up.  He is crippled, and the chance of recovery is slim.  It would be far easier to accept his defeat and let go of any chance to save Gotham.
Instead, he summons up his courage and tries to stand and walk.  The other prisoners, recognizing his courage, fix his back.  He begins to train and redevelop his willpower to escape and make the climb out.

Bruce Wayne: I do fear death. I fear dying in here while my city burns.
Blind Prisoner: Then make the climb.
Bruce Wayne: How?
Blind Prisoner: As the child did. Without the rope. Then fear will find you again

What is important here is that Bruce accepts his fear but does not give in to it or be paralyzed by it.  He realizes there is still something he can do, even  if at that moment he does not know how to escape the prison.  All too often in our training (and in our life), we are confronted by difficulty and we retreat into the "pain cave", becoming overwhelmed into paralysis by our fear, our doubt, our pain.  We forget that there is always SOMETHING you can do, as long as you are still alive.  Do not succumb to the Pain Cave.

Bruce begins to try to climb the wall to freedom, and discovers the major obstacle is a big jump.  Again and again he tries the jump and fails, dangling from the safety rope around his waist.  In desperation, he tries again.

What is important here is that ultimately Bruce cannot succeed the jump until he climbs WITHOUT THE ROPE, just as the last person to scale the wall and escape did.  This is crucial.  Unless there is a risk of failure, there can be no chance of success.  Of course it is important to be careful and prudent in our lives.  At the same time, it is also important to let go of fear and go after something with our full ability - to commit to the result when there is no safety net below us.  People who cannot take risk deny themselves the truly great victories and are often resigned to small steps forward, rather than the quantum leaps of the bold.
Of course you could fall.  However, the other key lesson here is to trust your training and trust yourself.

Bruce knew he had the willpower.  He knew he had the training.  But to finally succeed, he had to let go of any possibility of failure.  This is a very important part of goalsetting.

Overall, it is an interesting movie, with high entertainment value, but there are some good lessons also to be learned from it.  Watch it again and see what you think.

RISE.

On Aggressiveness

There is a lot to be said for aggressiveness in a self-defense situation.
As one wise man said "it is not the size of the dog in the fight, it is the size of the fight in the dog".  Experience tells us that in any self-defense situation, the victory goes to the one who displays the most aggressiveness quickest.

While we typically consider aggressiveness as an unconscious, automatic response of the body to real or imagined stress the "fight" part of "fight or flight response", in reality it is a reaction that can be harnessed to give us the full effect with only minimal downside.

Proper training is at the heart of the matter.  often I can see students in a drill shift their mental state into "attacker" or "defender" depending on their role in the drill.  Some do both parts like a zombie :-(, giving no energy at all for their partner to work with.  This is the worst.  Second worst is having a "defender" mentality.

In the "defender" mentality, you become a victim.  You wait for an attack and try to absorb, deflect or block it.  Many times this happens with the eyes closed or blinking, as if closing your eyes would somehow make the bad people disappear... it won't.

No.  It is important to always display AGGRESSIVENESS.  The level of violence should be proportionate to the threat involved, but with the maximum aggressiveness in every case.

In aikido, aggressiveness is demonstrated in three ways:
1) the kiai --- a loud yell at the attacker.  see here
2) the movement is always forward --- INTO THE ATTACKER
3) Atemi - the initial hit as we take control of the attacker's attack and redirect it

In Filipino Martial Arts as well, there is no defense.  There is only attacking the attacker and attacking the attack.

Attacking the attacker means proactively ending a situation when a threat is perceived.  There is no waiting for a punch to be thrown.  MOVE FIRST.  MOVE DECISIVELY.

Attacking the attack means Gunting.
When we gunting, we must imagine that we are ATTACKING THE ATTACK. Our goal is to disrupt the attacker, take the balance/structure away and end the situation in the most efficient manner possible.

In training it is very important to train aggressiveness as well as specific techniques and responses via drills.
That said, unless the teachers and students know it is a specific goal, often times it is not explicitly emphasized.  If so, students miss one of the most important tools in self-defense.

This can be trained by using drills.  One example is where the student faces increasing attack pressure (such as hits to the head with the pads).  The student should do their best to block/deflect/redirect these hits without panicking.  On command, the student should explode back at the attacker with a flurry of hits until told to "stop".  Another drill can have the student in a circle and being hit from all sides.  Similarly, the student should seek to evade/block/cover/deflect the hits.  On command, explode out of the circle to freedom, taking at attacker or two out along the way.  These types of drills should be repeated until the students can explode on command without any hesitation.

Again, the best defense is a good offense.

Book Report: Meditations on Violence

I recently read "Meditations on Violence" by Sgt. Rory Miller.

Overall, it was an excellent book which I highly recommend to anyone on the Warrior Path.

About Sgt. Rory Miller
Rory Miller is a 17 year veteran of the federal correctional system, a prison guard.  he is also a lifetime student of the martial arts including traditional Japanese Jujitsu.  He has years of real-life experiences under the chaos and stress of confrontations, and is acutely aware of the psychology and physiology of fighting.  He is an outstanding source of good information about the reality of self-defense.

About The Book
Rory Miller does not sugar coat what happens in a fight.  He is careful to explain the psychology of both attacker and victim, especially in the context of twp basic scenarios: 1) social fights (what he calls "The Monkey Dance") where our objectives are status, control, and emotion and when "rules" are followed and 2) predatory attacks, where the assailant attacks with surprise, often using weapons, or with multiple attackers, in order to avoid the risk of injury.  The objective is usually property or sexuality, which includes predators such as mass-murders where the objective is to fulfill some fantasy or delusion.  The situations could not be more different, and should be handled in totally different ways.

Sgt. Miller does not show specific techniques and the book has few pictures, only using them to provoke thought.  he discusses various training methods and their pros and cons relative to the reality of being attacked.  He has chapters devoted to the psychology of victim and attacker, as well as our human responses to the stress of a fight and what to expect (adrenalin rush, nausea, tunnel vision, etc.).  He includes plenty of practical advice for how to train to manage stress and what to do depending on the nature of the assault and the state of mind needed to be a survivor of such an encounter. he also includes a brief overview of the general legality of fighting and how to ensure you are within your right to self-defense by choosing an appropriate response to the situation.  He illustrates with many examples from his own career dealing with violent, often drug-fueled offenders as well as terrorists, gangstas, and other criminal types..

My Thoughts
Rory Miller is a practical man who has the survivor objective of getting home safely every night to his family. This is the objective all of us should have regardless of the situation we find ourselves in.  That said, Sgt. Miller does not give much credence to the spiritual aspects of the training, especially if they are not bundled together with real-life, dependable combat techniques.

He suggests that self-defense should not be taught by teachers without a lot of their own combat experience (not including MMA or tournament fighting).  I accept his point.  I am fortunate not to have been in too many fights, and all were either tournaments or "monkey dance" situations involving opponents with only limited training and limited conviction to hurting me.  I have not had to face knife attacks (and hope I never do) or other weapon attacks or multiple attackers.  At 45 years old, I do not expect to go out and cause trouble in order to validate this part of my skill set.  Instead, I will continue to promote the martial arts as a holistic way for us to improve ourselves - something I have had over 30 years doing.  My goal is surely to help my students realize their goals in self-defense, but also to gain discipline and confidence to take control over their
own lives, be responsible for their own choices, and create the future for themselves that they want - with healthy body, mind, and spirit.

I think it is the fact that I carry myself with confidence, rarely go to dangerous places, and think through risks before I do things, which has kept me from being in fights most of the time.  I am too small to be threatening to bigger guys, but too confident to be seen as weak by those same guys - it is a fortunate balance, and one I intend to keep.  I am glad Japan is such a safe country, and I hope it remains so.

Rory MIller is right that being a survivor requires a certain mindset.  It is about prevention, and about preparation (much of which is mental).  Fights are chaotic, unpredictable, and savage.  In the case of predatory attacks, they can be life-threatening and in order to survive, you must be willing to use whatever force necessary to escape.  This means gouging eyes, tearing throats, biting, or doing whatever else will cause the most damage to the weakest target in the shortest time.  Under the stress of real violence, the human body is amazingly fragile.  At the same time, we can actually take a lot more damage than people expect and keep on going, so it is important to never give up until you have escaped/neutralized the situation. As long as you are still alive, there is ALWAYS something you can do.

I hope none of you are ever made to fight, or even worse, become a victim of predation.  Just in case, better to read and think about Sgt. Miller's excellent book.

Rock, Paper...

(thanks for the inspiration Tina)

The other day, one of my friends who is a Kyokushin karate instructor explained to me "when I had an injured wrist, I simply did pushups on my knuckles.  Stronger punches, you know..."  It got me to thinking.

Many arts, especially the Okinawans, promote punching as a principle method for attacking.  They train hard for it to develop the capacity to hit with fight-stopping force using the fist.  Often times these attacks are directed not just at soft tissues like the throat or plexus, but at hard bone mass targets like the head.  Without a lot of conditioning and very good punching technique (especially alignment of the wrist with the forearm bones), it is very easy to break the delicate bones of the hand.

As for me, I prefer to fight seriously using my open hands rather than fists for a variety of other reasons as well:

1) I may want to grab, parry, or misdirect the opponent's arms of legs.  This is much better done with the open hand.

2) I like to strike with the knife edge (tegatana in Japanese) or palm heel (shotei) since they do not involve any of the joints in the hand or wrist and thus are strong and stable for maximum impact without risk of injury.

3) As I enter, I like to get fingers up into the face/eyes/throat of the opponent whenever possible, and this is best done using the open hand rather than the fist.

4) Clenching a fist causes subconscious tension in the muscles (especially the arms) and increases stress/aggression.  Tension/stress usually equates to slowness in a fight.

5) In my background of Aikido/Jujitsu, the closed fist is hardly used due to our need to touch and grab the opponent for joint manipulation.

6) Closed fists in western law denote aggression (implying assault or the intention to assault).  Open hands do not.  Held in front they suggest compliance, but in reality are anything but submissive :-)

Of course I am well aware that most fights have the habit of punching.  For Westerners this is due to our history of boxing, which promotes fists and makes open hands illegal.  I think this is mostly possible due to the use of padded gloves to protect the fighters' hands.  Without these, I doubt any match would last 15 rounds of fighters punching each others' skulls.

Years of striking the makiwara pad (common in traditional karate) can develop the strength in the fists to contact the major bones structures without injury, much in the way muay thai fighters kick trees or posts to condition their shins.  However, I consider this trade-off of longevity/mobility for impact power to be a bad deal.  Many karateka I know have arthritis or other severe joint problems in their hands from the makiwara, and I have heard many retired muay thai fighters have greatly lessened mobility due to kicking trees when they were young.

Speaking to many traditional Okinawan masters, it seems that at much higher levels in karate/kenpo training the closed fist is rarely used and the movements become increasingly circular and fluid, resembling the original Chinese arts that first influenced them.  I suggest that the translation of karate can be "empty hand" but can also be "open hand" ie. not using the fist.

I still believe a principal goal of martial arts training should be longevity, and in particular not just from surviving an encounter but from having a full range of motion in the joints, improved circulation, greater flexibility/dexterity and proper breathing throughout our lives.  This is much more in line with the Chinese interpretation than the modern Japanese/Okinawan/Korean/Thai versions but far more valid for people outside the battlefield.

By all means, train hard as you wish.  But for me, the open hand is the deadly hand.  

Crossfit and Kali

So it's on.  This morning I completed my first group class at Chikara Crossfit near the office.
I started this because the gym is boring (right?) and I am very interested in actually learning something while training.  The Crossfit coaches really understand both physical and nutritional science, and that hooked me.
There are many similarities between my first class of Crossfit and my first class of Kali Majapahit.

The "WOW" Factor
When I first stepped into the KM dojo on Yan Kit Road and met Guro Fred, it was a magic moment for me.
Somehow I just KNEW my life would never be the same.  His passion for what he teaches is infectious.  At the same time, he moves like a predatory jungle cat - with power, grace, strength, confidence.  He moves the way I want to move.  I looked at the other Kasama assisting him (now all Kadua Guro in their own right):  Guillaume, Vincent, Ben.  They all had similar characteristics, so I knew Guro Fred could really get students to understand what he wanted them to learn.  I was blown away.  I still am.

In Crossfit, I met Michael Schaal.  He looks like a professional athlete (and has been a competitive wrestler and lacrosse player).  he looks like he is chiseled out of iron - or maybe liquid metal like the T1000 in Terminator 2.  He is passionate about the science behind what he does, and it is equally infectious.  I have seen his personal workouts on his blog and they are insane.  He is truly an athlete.  I also see the people who have been training there for a year or more and they look like Greek statues.  It feels the same way it did when I joined KM.  I feel close to some powerful energy, an energy I know will change my life.

The First Class
In my first KM class, all those years ago, I spent time working on the stance, the grip, the basic 6 angles blocking and striking in De Cuerdas.  Guro Vince helped me a lot.  He was fluid and powerful, and it felt like he could hit me at will and block anything I tried to do without any effort at all.  I remember wishing I could move the way he did.  I still do.  We finished the lesson with coconut crushers, which remain a favorite even today.  My legs were shaking and had to go throw up right after the lesson.  I couldn't even walk down the stairs to the street and had to take a cab back home.  My legs were sore and stiff for over a week.  I kept thinking what it would be like when my body adjusted to it.  Fast forward another 6 months and I was able to complete the classes and workouts and then walk home afterward.  In a year I could do classes back-to-back.  Now when I go down to Singapore or attend the awesome annual Bali Camp, I am on the mats 30 hours or more per week, and I still hold up pretty well for a guy in his mid-40s.

My first Crossfit workout was a benchmark of 500m row, 40 squats, 30 situps, 20 pushups, 10 pullups.  It took me over 10 minutes to complete the workout and afterward I was completely exhausted.  I threw up (sound familiar?) and had shakes and cold sweat.  I was dizzy and thought I would pass out.  It took more than an hour to recover enough to get home, and I was sore for more than a week.  Since then I have completed the on ramp to prepare for group classes and learned the basics of the major movements we do in Crossfit.  For today's workout, 2 minutes max reps of d/u jump rope, pullups, pushups, situps, squats I surely didn't make the leaderboard, but I survived and walked away.  To me, that means I am already on the way there.  I look forward to how hard I will be able to work a year from now.


It's About LIVING
Both KM and Crossfit share the philosophy that we must work constantly to increase our stamina, coordination, balance, endurance, flexibility, accuracy, timing, strength in order to have maximum functionality of our bodies over the course of our lives.  KM movements are straightfoward and efficient, and draw from a wide variety of martial arts across Southeast Asia.  Crossfit movements are practical and replicate the functional movements we use in everyday life such as standing up from a chair, moving weight
from the floor, lifting overhead, and so on.  A lot of Crossfit movements are bodyweight exercises.  A lot of KM involves moving the opponent's bodyweight as well.  Both are designed to give longevity to our structures, muscles, joints, tendons/ligaments, and cardiovascular systems.

POSITIVE WAVES
KM is a very encouraging and empowering martial art.  It helps build self-confidence and encourages students to take control and change their lives.  Crossfit is also focused on the positive, and very supportive of new athletes as they make their way into the training.  There is a lot of help from the coaches to get the movements correct and begin to ease into the routines.

Variety is the Spice of Life
KM revolves around a rotating 10-week cycle of material for the students to master.  Within each 10 weeks, a huge number of drills, games, and exercises are used to understand and challenge each cycle.  Since KM has so many sub-systems, there is an endless amount of technique, concept, and application to explore.

In Crossfit, there are a nearly endless number of WODs (workout of the day).  Many are posted online and blogged about and athletes share their times/scores globally.  You could attend Crossfit every day for the rest of your life and never be bored or feel it is just a routine.

The Community
KM Brothers and Sisters are truly like family to me.  In the many years we have been together, we have shared so much on the mats and off.  We have supported each other along our Warrior Journeys and given each other courage.  I always look forward to seeing them.

In Crossfit, times/scores are recorded and posted on the white board.  During the workout we are totally focused on ourselves, but afterward, you look in the sweat-soaked eyes of the athlete next to you, and you feel a kinship.  We all have movements to improve and more reps we can do.  It's encouraging to be in this together.

I made a promise to KM (permanently tattooed on me).  I made the same promise to Crossfit (not tattooed yet).  Both are vehicles for helping me change and become who I want to be.  They share a lot in common.  Now they share ME in common.


Train Hard,  John 

Diamonds

I liked the above so much I hung it at my desk.
Stress is indeed a topic on the minds of most people.  Our modern lifestyles bombard us with persuasive information that subtly suggests we are not living right.  We need to work harder, be slimmer, dress cooler, and have MORE.  We need more money, more friends, more sexual partners, more information...more, More, MORE!  The constant pressure to perform is incredibly stressful for us.

Stress causes difficulty sleeping, depression, high blood pressure, eating disorders (both anorexia and overeating can be linked to stress), heart disease, antisocial behavior/short temper, sexual dysfunction, memory loss, and the list goes on and on.  It is a silent killer that slowly eats away from us until it finally takes our lives away.  Most people are not even aware of the effects stress is having on them until it is too late.

To cope with stress, many people turn to a host of external sources to try to remove or avoid stress, not realizing that stress is an inevitable part of our lives.  We often go to great lengths to avoid stress, such as quitting our jobs, divorcing our partners, moving far away, and so on.  In the end, each of these choices merely exchanges one set of stressors for another (usually unanticipated) set of stressors.

As the above picture suggests, the difference between a flat piece of charcoal and a diamond is not avoiding stress, but rather learning to handle stress well.  So...what can you do to help handle stress?

1) RECOGNIZE IT
As intuitive as it may sound, the most important factor when coping with stress is simply being aware and recognizing that we have stress. By this I do not mean a general feeling of malaise that pressure brings, but a very specific awareness of when a stressful situation occurs.  We must also be aware that stress can be real or just imagined, and even imagined stress can have harmful effects.  By recognizing the early signs of our body's reaction to stress, we can begin to take steps to cope more effectively.  We see differences in acute stress (death of a pet, loss of a job) versus daily stress, and in fact it is the accumulation of daily stress which is far more harmful to us.  This means we must recognize it as a constant force in our life that must be adjusted for rather than ignored.

2) Eat Well
When we are under stress, what we eat has an even more profound effect on our body's chemistry.  Often times, our reaction to stress is to either under-eat or overeat (especially calorie junk foods high in salt and sugar).  In either case, this exacerbates the stress reaction by putting additional strain on our bodies.  Stress often causes gastrointestinal trouble, so the best foods are healthy and nutritious without being overly spicy, salty, or sweet.

3) Get Enough Sleep
We are all very busy, I know.  Still, when under stress it is important to try to get a proper rest every day.  That means at least 8 hours of continuous quality sleep.  The hours before midnight are especially important for healing the body, so it is far better to go to bed by 9pm and wake up early at 5am, rather than going to bed at midnight and waking up at 8am.  If you have trouble going to sleep/falling asleep make sure your bedroom is completely dark (no TV) and quiet (I said "No TV!").  Try to not watch TV, check email, browse internet or other bright visual activity for an hour or two before bed.  It is also a good idea to use your bed only for sleeping or sex, and not for lounging and watching TV, so you develop a subconscious habit of sleeping (or having sex) when you are in bed rather than staying awake.  Good sleep is not automatic or inherent, it requires practice and establishment of good habits.

4) Talk About It
Men especially like to lock their emotions inside, and stress is a very emotional thing.  However, it is cathartic to talk about stressful events, and this is true whether or not the listener proposes a solution to remove the stress.  In extreme case, stress of grief, disaster, or other tragedy, it is important to seek professional counseling immediately since we can slip into depression without even being aware of the changes.

5) Music = Mood
I would not suggest there is true scientific evidence that shows that what we listen to affects our moods.  That said, dark and sad music makes me feel dark and sad.  Blues music is cathartic by having singers relate their personal traumas, and by hearing them we sympathize and feel better.  However, I think it is helpful to try to listen to upbeat positive songs under times of stress.

6) Meditation
Meditation is a key factor in coping with stress. It is important to find at least 15 minutes a day (longer is better) to do a meditation.  This need not be a religious experience (although that is OK, too).  It is at least useful to deliberately control your posture, breath, and thoughts.  This yields overall health benefits, and is particularly good during stressful periods.  I do not suggest meditating during a shootout, shark attack, or other violent situation.  However, for people with high stress lifestyles, finding time very day for meditation is very important to maintaining balance. Since stress is often linked to feeling a loss of control, the controlled environment of meditation is very comforting.

7) Reward Yourself
As we go through stressful times, it is important to set little rewards for ourselves.  Take a moment out to congratulate yourself for the small successes that come in navigating rough waters.  Small, regular rewards help avoid binges as psychologically we seek some validation for coping with the matters at hand.  Knowing that this is a basic human need will help manage it more effectively.

8) Keep Moving
Lethargy is a component of depression, and often tied to our response to stress.  Exercise is also a key factor in helping us get good quality sleep.  Under stress it is important to not let our busy lifestyles discourage us for getting regular exercise.

Shine On You Crazy Diamond!

John

I Can't...

Overheard between my vegan friend and another non-vegan friend at a restaurant dinner:

non-vegan friend (NVF):  Oh, so you can't eat meat
vegan friend (VF): No, I won't eat meat
NVF: but...you...CAN'T, right?
VF: No, of course I can, but I WON'T.
NVF: (puzzled)...I don't get it.

Many times I hear people's lifestyles (religion/diet/exercise) talked about in terms of what they "can" or "can't" do.  For example, people look at a vegetarian/vegan's lifestyle and say "Oh, you can't eat meat." They may even comment "I could never do that."  Even the Christian bible interprests the Ten Commandments as "thou shalt not", suggesting that properly practicing Christians "can't" do those things.

This type of determinism is often enforced through fear or guilt.  In the case of religion, particularly (but not limited to) Christianity, fear of Hell or the wrath of God or even social ostracism has served for thousands of years to reinforce the beliefs of things that Christians can't do.  For vegetarians/vegans, the idea is that eating meat or other animal products causes such health problems that practicioners "CAN'T" eat them for fear of risking their health.

I would argue that all belief systems that are grounded in neagtivity (fear/guilt) miss the real value of the beliefs --- the empowerment of the believer through his/her freedom of choice.

This manifests in two principal ways:
1) lack of guilt/punishment associated with the choices
2) lack of negative terminology associated with the choices

I personally think it is of critical importance that believers actively CHOOSE to follow the beliefs, rather than be manipulated into doing so through fear of repercussion or guilt and loss of self-esteem for not doing so.  To be empowered it is important that choices be framed in POSITIVE TERMS which express the benefits of making good choices, rather than the downside of making bad choices (or failing to make the expected good choices).  All of this should be underpinned by an emphasis on the will of the individual to be in control and determine his/her own path. In doing so, each person gets the benefit of developing their personal discipline and self-control.

For vegetarians, it is not that they can't eat animal products --- it is that they won't eat animal products.  They certainly could.  It's just that they make an active, concious, informed decision not to.  THEY are in control, not the belief system.  They could easily renounce their beliefs if they chose to do so.  It is through their willpower and commitment alone that they follow their chosen way and reap the benefits of it.

This extends to many many other things in life.  People say to a married man "you can't sleep with another woman".  Not true, he most certainly could.  However (we hope) he chooses not to out of love and respect for his wife and her feelings.  He gets the benefit of a fuller and deeper realtionship, as well as confidence in his own discipline and self-control.

If a belief system is rooted in negativity and focused on what followers "can't" do, the overwhelming tendency is for either punishment avoidance or escapism to creep in.  Punishment avoidance refers to behaviors where people act without commitment to the belief itself, instead simply out of fear of the punishment itself.  Once the punishment disappears, compliance also disappears.  This explains why many young people renounce religion as soon as they move out from home or otherwise are not at risk of being punished for not going to church.

Escapism refers to those rebellious behaviors which occur from a desire to express free will by doing the exact opposite of what the belief system practices.  This is often a reaction to strict discipline, especially when it is forced upon an unwilling believer.  The often-cited promiscuous preacher's daughter or the binge-drinking and partying of freshman college students who are newly living away from home and their parents' oversight.

If their belief systems were based on their own freedom of choice rather than fear or negativity imposed by others, then the urge to rebel would no longer exist.

Although the language difference between "I can't" and "I won't" seems merely semantic, the implication is very important.  "I can't" absolves us of any responsibility for the choices, ascribing responsibility to be due to some factor beyond our control.  For example "I can't lift a ten-story building" or "I can't breathe under water for ten minutes".  Most of the time, the "can't" part is conditional.  You could lift a 10-story building if you had the right equipment and training.  Likewise you could breathe under water for ten minutes if you had an air supply.

Most of our life is not about what we can or can't do.
It is about what we will or won't do.
We must take responsibility for our choices, good and bad.
Learn from our mistakes and celebrate our successes.
BE HONEST.

YOUR HOMEWORK:
Find 5 things you think you can't do.
Think about them.  Is it really that you CAN'T?  Or simply that you WON'T??
Think about how different those two states of mind are.

How Bad Do You Want It?

How bad do you want it?
I have been thinking about this all day, since going to Crossfit for the first time last night.
I am a martial artist.  I have been for over 30 years.  In my peak condition, one look at me and you knew it.
My body was that of a professional athlete, lean and strong; fast and powerful.

Now I am 45 years old.  I look like any other 45 year old businessman, with my suit and tie.  Maybe better than some, worse than others.  I no longer look like a martial artist.  I no longer feel like a champion.  I will change.  I will become the person I want to be.  I will become the champion I know I can be.  Whatever it takes.  How bad do I want it?

I am going to put some serious effort into Crossfit.  It's interesting, the workouts are varied, the teachers are smart and fit.  This will mean getting up earlier to get these workouts in before I go to work.  It will mean changing my diet permanently.  It will mean hard training.  It will mean the pain and soreness of post-workout fatigue.  It will mean feeling tired after.  It will mean developing new habits and breaking down old habits.  I want it bad enough to endure this.

It may involve people not believe I can continue, maybe even myself not believing I can continue.  I am going to be stubborn and fight every inch to get the results I want.  It will mean staying focused on my goals for as long as it takes to succeed.  I want it bad enough for this.

What do you want?
How bad do YOU want it?

John
http://www.chikaracrossfit.com/

Listen...

"My favorite piece of music is the one we hear all the time if we are quiet."
 --- John Cage


Silence is golden.  We are bombarded by a constant media overload every day of our modern lives.  We hear cars, trains, buses, construction, commotion.  We use our telephones, our stereos, our MP3 players, our televisions.  Most of us (myself included) talk too much.
As a species, we have forgotten how to listen.  We have forgotten to appreciate silence.

There are many kinds of listening.  For me the most important is the listening that occurs during meditation.
This is what John Cage refers to above, but it is much deeper than that.

Guro Fred taught me that the essence of us is our soul.  This soul comes to us manifested (currently) in our physical body.  The eternal soul has its own memory and its own mission; to eveolve and grow toward the ultimate goal of enlightenment.  To do so, our soul must cleanse of all wrongdoing.  We purify our soul through our diet, through our breathing, through our meditation.  In meditation we go deeper into our conciousness until we reach the place where we can begin to LISTEN.

What do we hear?  This voice is the voice of the soul.  It will speak to you and tell you what to do.  Not in the simple material sense (such as asking you to pick up a carton of milk), but in the broader, spiritual sense.  The voice will tell you your life work; your mission, and how to proceed down your own path to enlightenment.

I contend that much of our unhappiness, frustration, and unease comesf rom the simple fact that we forgot how to listen to our voice.  Disconnected from our soul, we feel disconnected from everything else.  In this state we cannot truly relax.  If we fail to listen, after we die our soul will go to sleep and start over.  We lose spiritual momentum and our soul will pick up where it left off in our next incarnation.

By contrast, through meditation, breathing, diet we begin to listen again.  By listening we start to change our life to be closer to the path our soul wants for us.  Our unique destiny.  This explains how some people feel they were "born to do something", and in doing so they reach a state of fulfillment that could not have been possible any other way.  This is a happiness which most people will never reach, but which any person could have.  If he/she would just LISTEN.  This happiness is not a delirious, giggling happiness (not all the time, anyway).  Rather, it is a sense of quiet confidence and CONTENTMENT.  This is true and lasting happiness.

There is no magic formula for this.  It is very simple.
Diet
Breathing
Meditation

Then...LISTEN.  I promise you will like what you hear.

What I Learned From My Dog

This is Butch, our pug.
He is the first dog we have ever had (now we have two).  I never imagined I would have a dog in my family, and now I can't imagine not having a dog in my family.  We have taught him things, and he has taught us things as well.  Here are the top things I have learned from him:

Get Plenty of Sleep
Butch sleeps a lot.  He is never busy just to appear busy.  When it is time to do something, he does it.  When there is nothing to do, he sleeps.  When sleeping, Butch is totally and completely relaxed.  He can sleep anywhere, and sleeps deeply. 
 
Drink Lots of Water
Butch only drinks clean, fresh water.  He is happy to have it, and doesn't need anything else.

Be Grateful for Your Daily Meals
Butch is always excited at mealtime, even if it is the same thing over and over again.  He really seems to appreciate when we make it for him, and he concentrates fully on eating when he is served.  He eats his whole meal and never leaves any behind.

Take A Daily Walk
Butch goes on a walk every day.  He loves to check out his neighborhood, and generally be outside in the sunshine.  He doesn't go for a walk on rainy days (his choice not to) and he is not too bothered when that is the case.  He prefers going outside for a walk to watching TV (except on rainy days).

Play Hard
Butch loves to play.  He loves to play fetch, and roll around.  He loves any kind of game you can think of.
Playing is very important to him, and he is never too busy to play.

Be Social
Butch knows all the other dogs in the neighborhood.  He loves to see them on walks, and play together when they meet.  He is part of a larger socal fabric.  He knows his place in it and is comfortable with all dogs; all types, all colors.  Some dogs don't like Butch, but Butch is not bothered about that at all.  He knows it is their choice, not his.

Never be Ashamed to Show Your Love
Butch loves us totally, completely, and will every moment of every day for the rest of his life.  He knows we love him too.  We are not his owners, and he is not our slave or possession.  He is our companion, who makes our lives happier becuse he is a part of it.  Butch wags his tail when he sees us or hears us call his name.  He licks our faces to show us he cares about us.  Even if he cannot understand all our words, he always listens intently.

Honesty and Simplicity are the Keys To Happiness
Butch does not pretend to be anything other than what he is.  He does not dream of a better life or a far away place.  Butch does not wish he had a bigger house or longer legs or different food.  He accepts his life as it is, and appreciates and is grateful for it.

Never underestimate the power of Loyalty
Butch has sharp teeth and strong jaws, but he would never use them on us.
He would follow us anywhere and all he would ever ask in return is that we try to love him as much as he loves us (if that could be possible).  Butch is always right by our side, even if we are sad or lonely or angry or frustrated or sick or tired.  He is always loving and supportive.

I wish I was more like my dog.  I wish most people I know were more like my dog.

On Parenting: Success and Failure

(thanks for the inspiration Sisters)

Yesterday one of my close friends posted on FB  "My parents told me they think I am a failure".  She went on to say that they felt that way because she hadn't decided to pursue a typical high-power, high-stress career such as finance, medicine, or law.  This made me think.

I am also a parent.  What do I want for my boys?

Before I dive into that, however, there are some realities of parenting that I would like to share from my 10 years of experience at it.  Sisters, feel free to have your parents read this blog.

1) You do not OWN your children (neither do they own you)
Last time I checked, slavery has been abolished in the free world.  Giving life to our children is the single greatest thing that can happen to any of us. We have, for that single event, the power to create something everlasting.  We have the power to create something that can change the course of history (good or bad); something that can be independent and individual.  We create change that can then create change.  We do not own the changes, we are merely a facilitator of them.

I am not against children having responsibilities.  In fact, just the opposite.  Having responsibilities is part of understanding our place in any group we belong to - and a family is one of those groups.  However, I always try to leave it up to my children to decide to fulfill their responsibilities or suffer the consequences of that.  They don't do their job; I don't do my job (like cooking for them, playing games with them, reading to them, taking them where they want to go, etc.).  However, it is wrong (and unfair) for parents to expect their children to do everything for them at command like slaves.  This takes away the feeling of control/freedom of choice from the children and leads them to the feelings of hopeless despair that they are unable to influence their own environment.  This is the basis of a fear relationship rather than a love relationship.

2) Your Children Do Not have an obligation to succeed at your failures
We all make mistakes.  It is part of being alive and being human.  Adding mistakes to mistakes does not correct them, it makes them worse.  It is the worst of mistakes to imagine that our children exist for the purpose of becoming the person we failed to become.  It is not their responsibility to become the sports hero we could not be, to get into the college we could not enter, to land the job we could not get, to make the money we did not have, to marry the person we couldn't win over, and so on.  Our failures are OUR OWN, and we have to be mature enough not to project them onto our children (who will have plenty of their own, believe me).

3) Your Children Need Not Follow In Your Footsteps
Likewise, if you are successful (first of all, good for you) it is not your children's responsibility to become your clone.  They need not follow your career path, but instead need to find and define their own.  Hard as it may be to accept, they need not share your particular passion for classical music, pro-wrestling, fishing, or whatever.  They will find their own interests, and as a good parent it is far more important that you share THEIRS, rather than the other way around.  if you don't over time it will become hard to bond with them.

4) Being A Parent Is About Learning To Let Go (so is everything else)
All of life is about learning to let go.  Let go of fear, let go of anger, let go of sadness, let go of expectation, let go of prejudice, let go of attachments, let go of desire.  The list goes on and on.  In parenting, it is very important to accept the family situation for what it is, and not to be disappointed by the many challenges that inevitably are a part of it.  Focus on the joyful moments and it is far, far easier.

5) Your Children Will Learn More from their Friends than from their Teachers (or their parents)
Peer pressure/social pressure is very real.  It is important to surround your children with good, positive peer role models, as well as good teachers.  Pay attention to your childrens' friends.  Meet them.  Engage them and understand what kind of people they are.  This will be far more important than you imagine.

Success
We all want our children to succeed.  In concrete terms, what do I think this means?
I want my boys to be happy.  When I say "happy" I am not talking about the temporary happiness that comes from eating ice cream or watching a favorite TV show (although that is OK sometimes, too).  I am also not talking about the crazy happiness of being at Disneyland (also, sometimes OK, too).  I define happiness as:

"Feeling a state of contenment born of purpose, and of feeling an essential part of one's social fabric, cared for and respected by others.  Valued.  Trusted. Loved.  Important. Challenged.  Rewarded.  Grateful. Free. Curious/interested. Engaged.  Aware."

I personally believe this comes from having a solid academic and ethical/moral education, a strong spiritual education/awareness (not necessarily Christian), and a balanced social network of friends and mentors.

Notice I do not specifically mention any career choices here, since I think you can be happy regardless of the job you do or the career path you choose.  I myself have been on many paths, having started my latest career shift a scant 3 months ago.  Anyone who thinks they can know their lifetime career path when they are still a student is not being realistic or is a very special person indeed (Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., for example).  Even many of the greatest of us did not know his/her path until they stumbled onto it.

Failure
How could I fail as a parent?  What would that mean?
I feel like I have had literally thousands of failures as a parent:  the many, many times I didn't say the right things at the right moment.  The times I felt too tired, or too stressed from work, or too caught up in my own life to give the time and attention my children deserved.  So much more.  Luckily, the big picture has a way of smoothing over the rough spots in the small picture.  I am grateful for this.  Basically,

• I would consider myself a failure as a parent if my children did not have self-respect, self-control, self-discipline. 
• I would consider myself a failure as a parent if my children did not feel loved and respected by me unconditionally. 
• I would feel like a failure as a parent if my children felt they could not trust me or depend on me no matter what. 
• I would consider myself a failure as a parent if my children were reluctant to talk to me about something important to them. 
• I would consider myself a failure as a parent if my children did not feel they had the tools to make themselves happy (see above).
• I would consider myself a failure as a parent if my children did not have a sense of adventure about their lives and a sense of wonder about the world.
• I would consider myself a failure as a parent if my children did not understand that success requires effort.
• I would consider myself a failure as a parent if my children were not kind and respectful to others or lacked proper social skills.

I clarify here that although I have had many failures, I do not consider myself a failure as a parent (yet).  Mistakes are part of the process, and I try to learn from them.  I remain focused on the above.

I truly believe the martial arts offers a rich and reqarding experience for any child that can help him/her reach their potential and develop the tools to be happy.  Martial arts are also very important to me as a parent since they help me train myself to be a better person.

In closing:


On Children


by Kahlil Gibran


Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.