I Don't Know

"I don't know".  Somehow those three little words seem very hard for many people to say.  Our modern society places such an importance on (the appearance of) being right and on having all the answers - being instantly able to look things up on Wikipedia in order to find something we consider truthful.  Meanwhile, our elected officials lie openly,  directly to our faces without even the slightest shame or fear of being proven wrong.  To them, facts don't matter at all.  We don't care if we are actually right, we just want to "look right" (or at least don't want to look wrong).

Even in martial arts, there is a terrible temptation to think we know everything.  We chase every new technique and scan YouTube relentlessly for something interesting.  Our attention spans get shorter every day it seems, and no amount of new information is enough to keep us from becoming jaded and bored.  The surface knowledge, the easy first steps, are enough to satisfy us and many times we fail to dig deep enough to achieve real understanding.  We forget the importance of patience and perseverance.

As a teacher it is even worse.  When we cross that long-awaited bridge to become a black belt we somehow think that like a video game we instantly have new powers, abilities and knowledge we didn't have the day before we took the test.  Unrealistically, we expect ourselves to know the answers to everything...even when we don't.  Faced with the prospect of admitting we don't know, we may be tempted to make up something that sounds plausible rather than taking the question away to confirm the truth.  We try very hard to live up to others' expectations of us, and even our own expectations of ourselves.  We mean well, but...

However, teaching martial arts is not like teaching Math or English.  Although I am sure there are situations where knowledge of these topics is vital (landing a rocket ship or negotiating with a hostage-taker), the fact is that martial arts knowledge is commonly learned for self-defense.  The wrong answer could get someone hurt, potentially permanently.  Fortunately, martial arts is as much science as any other academic discipline (especially physics).  Voodoo doesn't make it work properly (or any better).  Sound body mechanics, physics, chemistry, nutrition and psychology explain why what we do works.  This is an overlay to the historical, spiritual and philosophical elements that we learn to help give our movements context and cultural relevance.

I've been in and around martial arts since I was 14 years old.  That makes almost 40 years of study and I feel I am just now starting to scratch the surface.  Every time I meet a new master I realize there is so much left for me to explore and learn.  I have read more than 200 books on martial arts (my personal library is probably that many at least) and yet there are probably 500 more I should read for background, not to mention re-reading some of the others.  And yet, I feel like I have hardly scratched the surface.

In Kali Majapahit, I am one of less than 10 people in the world who hold a 2nd degree black belt rank or higher.  After nearly 10 years of study, I think I am starting to understand a bit about what we do and why, and feel reasonably confident to answer the questions of beginners most of the time.  And yet, I feel like I have hardly scratched the surface in my understanding of Filipino and Southeast Asian martial arts.  There is so much culture and history behind all of it that I need at least another 20-30 years to get deep enough to have a good perspective.  I hope I live long enough.  Finally, I know how much I don't know.  I may be a bit further along than some, but I am still on the same path as the rest of us.  I still reach out to my seniors and my peers for answers when I am not 100%.

I prefer the right answer to the convenient answer.

So much of what I have learned came from questions.  Not just my own, but those of others that led me to search for answers and deeper knowledge.  Even this blog, started in 2005 and now with nearly 500 posts, was originally started as a way to put structure around ideas of Yoshinkan Aikido so our class could focus on training and drilling rather than stop for Q & A.

No one knows it all.
Many people know more than I.  That's OK.
It's OK not to know something or to not have the answers all the time.
Finding the answers, the REAL answers, is how we learn and grow.

Learn to be comfortable with not knowing.
Suppress the ego and admit it if you don't know.  There is no shame in it.
Take it away as homework and research the answer thoroughly.  You will learn as much from answering as the other person did from asking (maybe more).

Little By Little

This is a very important video.  It speaks to the value of the small things we do every day that have big results over the course of our lives.  These days we live in a world of superlatives, where everything has to be "Awesome" and exceed everything else.  Our attention spans grow shorter and shorter, and we are desensitized by the mainstream media and social networks to anything but the next most outrageous occurrence.  Our Instagram posts have to show us in exotic locations having more fun than anyone else, bragging about our lives to make ourselves feel more special and important (usually by making everyone else feel worse or inadequate).  There is incredible pressure on us not just to succeed, but to outperform everyone else.  We are told again and again there is no prize for second place.

The reality is very different from this.
If we achieve our own goals and discover our own happiness there is no such thing as second place.
There is no such thing as losing.  In the end, the most important factor for success is not skill - it is PERSEVRENCE.

Please remember the incredible value of the little things in life.
Remember that life is lived in small moments, one second at a time.
It is these small moments that matter most and which should not be taken for granted or wasted.

Show your love to those you care about.  Let your actions define who you really are.

When I was 14, my teacher gave me the example of the Stonecutter.
Every day he struck the stone with his hammer.  Again and again, seemingly to no effect.
Then, after years, the stone finally split, revealing the breathtaking geode inside.
Which blow split the stone?  The last one?  The first one?  Impossible to know.
The result was an accumulation of all the strikes, not just one.  The days teach much the years never know.

Our life is very much like this.
We adore the champion without seeing the sacrifice and training it took to reach that stage.
We admire the actor without seeing the countless hours of struggle and disappointment it took to reach that moment.
We admire strong couples without seeing the little efforts that it takes every day to make a relationship that will stand the test of time.

Let time work for you rather than against you.

IBGYBG

IBGYBG --- meaning?  "I'll be gone, you'll be gone."  I first read this expression in a book about the financial crisis, which suggested it was commonly used between sellers and buyers of highly leveraged CDS instruments.  These were highly risky "hot potatoes" and the underlying message was that even though both parties knew they were dangerous they should just get the deal done, book the commissions and sell them onward since anyway, both seller and buyer would probably be working somewhere else by the time the regulators showed up (if ever).  Sadly, many of them did just that, and CDS instruments were a central part of the crisis, nearly collapsing the entire global financial system.

I began to think about this idea more and more.  "I'll be gone, you'll be gone" suggests that we not worry too much about the details and that our mistakes (deliberate or accidental) are someone else's mess to clean up.  It tells us not to assume permanence of anything - our jobs, our relationships, our future...nothing.  Live in the moment and let the chips fall where they may.  #yolo.

On one hand, I absolutely agree with Buddhist principles of non-attachment.  As Master Yoda cleverly advises Annakin Skywalker (even more cleverly since he's a hand-puppet)  "Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose."  Clinging too tightly to anything strangles the life from it.  It is the greatest illusion to ascribe anything permanent to the transient nature of our lives.  Small as we are in the Greatness of Things, we are born and die in hardly the blink of an eye of the Universal Timeline.  To assume otherwise is tantamount to arrogance.  That being said, the ocean is made up of tiny drops, each one important in its own tiny way.  Our lives matter, and we are here to make meaning.

On the other hand, because "I'll be gone, you'll be gone" I feel a deep desire to make every interaction with someone positive and meaningful.  We may never see that person again, but what we say and how we act could leave a lasting impression on them that makes their life better or inspires them.  All of us have the capacity to be catalysts for positive change not just in ourselves but in others as well - even those we might meet only briefly.  We should neither ignore nor waste the opportunity for sharing.

If we are to be remembered at all after we leave this cycle, it must be for what we did as much or more than what we said.  Our moral center, our ethical framework and most importantly our ability to act with empathy and compassion are what define us as human beings (human doings?).  In our lives we must learn how to love --- ourselves and others, in order to ever truly find happiness, and the connections we make enrich and prolong our lives more than any material possession.  The great paradox is that to be strong we must learn to accept our vulnerability, to live fully we must learn to accept our inevitable death.

In my working life I have tried to abide by the rules my earliest mentors instilled in me, "Do Good Work, and never do anything you would be ashamed of."  In this way, no matter the many companies I have left, I have always been able to walk out just as I walked in: head high, confident in myself and my abilities.  I encourage you to do the same.

I'll be gone someday.  So will you.  All that matters is what we do until then.

Make Every Moment Count.

52 Card Pickup

52 card pickup.
For those of you not familiar with this card game, it's basically a practical joke.  Here are the "rules": one person throws all the cards in the air.  They land everywhere.  The other person then picks them up.  It's also American slang for "a big mess". 

Much of my life has been this way.  Cards everywhere and a slow, methodical pick up.  Over time, order is restored until someone (usually me) throws the proverbial cards in the air again and we start over.

In many ways, the past year has been a great example of 52 card pickup.  In January I started a new job where I had no existing support network, was not familiar with the products or customers, and had to learn new procedures and policies in a group that was itself only formed a year ago.  Somehow, 10 months later most of the cards have been picked up (at least I think they have).

So what keeps me going?

Today as I turn 52 I am more committed than ever to what I believe.
I am clear about what I love:

• I love my family and will work tirelessly to support them.
• I love my friends and I am grateful for their constant support.
• I love my teachers who have given so much of their wisdom to me.
• I love my students and I thank them for walking the Path with me.
• I love my customers and I genuinely want to help them improve what they do.
• I love my bosses and co-workers who inspire me to be my best every day.
• I love my country and I believe we can recover.
• I love other people and I try to treat them all with dignity and respect.
• I love to make people happy and their smiles make me feel good about myself.
• I love solving problems and finding answers, and the thrill of discovery has never faded for me.
• I love writing and trying to get my thoughts organized.  I love sharing my thoughts in case someone might benefit from them (or even just have a laugh).

This year has had some amazing moments.  There have been many big moments to remember, but also many small moments that I am careful to file away so they are not forgotten either.  Life is lived in the small moments.  Actively focusing on them brings a lot more joy than waiting for the big moments to happen.

I am acutely aware that my life is not forever, that I must die when my time comes and there is no adding extra days or minutes to it when the end finally arrives.  It comes for all of us the same, rich and poor, and all we really have are the moments that take us there.  I am pretty sure I am well past half of my life now, but I also think I still have some time left.  I am not afraid of dying.  More importantly, I am not afraid of living.

One of my close friends refers to me as "the most successful person he knows".
Today, on my birthday, I really believe him.

Thank you to everyone who has been part of my success, whether you knew it or not. I remember you and I am grateful for your support.