Handicapped

 

In case you did not already know it, I'm handicapped. When I was a baby my birth mother left me face down in my crib for so long that my left eye failed to develop properly.  It's functionally blind (20/220 or-22).  The condition is called amblyopia and being born premature didn't help either.  I've worn glasses or contacts for my entire life, but actually those are for my RIGHT EYE, which is also bad enough (20/60 or -6.0) that I can hardly see at all without my glasses. It gets a little worse each year and sitting in front of a computer for 60 hours a week hasn't helped (yes, I'm sitting in front of a computer typing this).  Slowly, I'm going completely blind if I live that long.  I love my life and am making the best of it. When that time comes, I will adjust like I have adjusted to every change so far.

I used to drive a car when I lived in America, and I had to swivel my head like an owl to see the left side of the car, since that's literally my blind side.  I drove in the far left lane whenever possible to minimize risk of that blind spot. Now, I don't drive and probably won't again. It's polite to look at people when they speak to you, so if you're sitting on my left you may have noticed that I turn my head fully so I can see you with my right eye. Where possible I try to sit across the table or sit guests on my right so I can see them easier and it feels less awkward for them.

Even though I was more than qualified, for many years I refused to put the blue sign in my car. I refused to use handicapped benefits or parking. I refused to consider myself handicapped.  WHY?

For one part, especially when I was young, I just couldn't accept this label for myself. I didn't FEEL handicapped. I ran and jumped and played like everyone else. I did various sports and could ride a horse, bungy jump, scuba dive, skydive and ride my motorcycle. I could shoot a gun and box and wrestle and fence. I did martial arts. I wasn't handicapped in my mind. I did everything everyone else could do and I resented the idea of a label that would suggest I was any less.  I never (well, almost never) felt sorry for myself or pitied myself and never sought pity from others. Rather, I learned to act with compassion and inspire others to do the same.

I scored highly on the ASVAB test and tried to get into the military after high school just as many of my friends did. Because of my eyesight I was rejected in the physical exam. That's the only time I cried about my handicap. I felt I had let down my country, my family and my friends because I couldn't serve like they did. I continue to have the deepest respect for military personnel and will always wish I could have been one of them. I wanted to do my part.

As I got older, I still rejected that "handicapped" label and refused any handicapped benefits or services. I always knew there were many, many other people who needed that money or that parking spot more than I did. I felt it was better for them to have that support since I didn't really need it. I still think that. I'm grateful that I've been able to take care of myself all my life. Some people can't. There's no shame in it.

Now in my 50s, I am a very public advocate for various handicaps, especially mental illness and especially as it relates to the complex issues of those children who grew up in foster care like I did or who were adopted as children. Many of us suffer not only from physical handicaps but from mental handicaps as well.  Some we are born with and some happen along the way. Some are temporary, others are permanent.

Throughout my life I've been inspired by other handicapped people who have overcome tremendous obstacles to live their best and most fulfilling lives. Of course among them are luminaries like Dr. Steven Hawking but also martial artists like Bruce Lee and Dolph Lundgren, both of whom struggled with various physical conditions yet went on to become legendary martial artists. Many are ordinary people like you and I, that remind me how we can always find a way forward with a positive mindset and a will to achieve. Humans are truly miraculous.

Over time I learned - EVERYBODY HAS A DISABILITY. The only difference is whether or not they recognize it. Recognizing it, whether or not they accept that label and let it define them or whether they seek to find a way to do what they want to do despite it. My physical  and mental challenges never defined me and they should not define you, either.

Martial arts is so wonderful for so many reasons. One of the best is the ability that martial arts training gives us to break free of the limitations placed on us. Martial arts training is for everyone and anyone who wants to improve themselves and go beyond any label placed on them - even by themselves. In the dojo we are all equal and we can all excel to be the best versions of ourselves. In the dojo we can practice being more than we were and becoming who we want to be outside the dojo. It's a place where CHANGE happens.

Train hard. See you at class.