Losing

 

The Paris Olympics is in full force now, and there are so many emotional moments. Athletes give their all in pursuit of medals not just for themselves but for their countries as well. The results of the past 4 years of preparation bear fruit as we see the very best compete for the glory of being champions.

There is heartbreak, too. Above the photo of Uta Abe, Japanese Judo medalist who rose to prominence in the Tokyo Olympics as she and her brother Hifumi were the first siblings to take individual gold medals in Olympic history. She had been unbeaten since 2019 and was heavily favored to win another individual gold, as her brother did later that day. She lost to Uzbekistani player Diyora Keldiyorova in what her brother termed an "accidental ippon". Heartbroken, her tears and wails of disappointment as she left the mats became a notable meme. We shared her pain.

There will always be times when we fail. We will fail to exceed our own expectations, or those of the people who count on us. There will be times when we are tried in public or on social media, fairly or unfairly. There will be times when we don't get the praise we think we deserve for the results we deliver. We may be passed over for promotion or have rumors unfairly spread about us.

As human beings, we seek validation and praise as part of our basic natures. We want to do well, and we want to be acknowledged and recognized for it. From the time we are born, we seek, even crave, the acceptance and praise of those we think are above us - parents/grandparents, older siblings, friends, teachers, coaches, professors, priests, in-laws, bosses and job mentors. Late in life, we seek validation from our children or grandchildren who we hope will recognize and acknowledge our sacrifices and think we did a good job for them. This is completely natural - until it becomes obsessive. When it causes us to suffer then maybe it is worth considering a bit more deeply.

Buddhism is an important way of philosophical thinking in that it addresses the ego directly. We are constantly reminded of our connection to everything, our sameness, our "smallness". In rejecting duality in favor of singularity, we accept that no other living being is above us and neither are we above any other. Our connectedness makes us equal and humbles us.

In Buddhism we also look carefully at the trap of expectations, which lead to desire and oftentimes to disappointment. This is done not to disavow our emotions, but rather to recognize and acknowledge them so we can let them go - and not be controlled by them. It is a process of deep observation aimed at every aspect of our lives.

As martial artists too, it is easy to be caught up in the thrill of competition and romanticize violence. Many famous Hollywood movies do exactly that. However, Buddhism clearly reminds us that such actions are really just "ego candy", establishing artificial rankings and hierarchies where they should not be. Our ego often gets in the way of good training and connecting to our training partners. Belts and ranks engender respect, but can also create feelings of unfairness or comparison where they are not warranted. Movies like "The Karate Kid" beautifully showcase our obsession with winning, often at the cost of someone else.

Kodo Sawaki, Zen teacher of Taisen Deshimaru, famously said "The secret of martial arts is that there is no victory and no defeat. You can neither win nor be beaten." Of course, this is not the same in sports and as such sports are not martial arts. This is worth thinking about. Losing her match does not equate to weakness nor failure. Neither can it be fully attributed to the strength and skill of her competitor. It simply happened. No more, no less. Every encounter is unique and no outcomes are ever guaranteed. Can we really say she "lost"? That Diyora Keldiyorova "won"? Both? Neither??

My heart goes out to Uta Abe. The heavy weight of so much expectation clearly took a toll on her. She is still young (24 years old) and has hopefully lots of life yet to live. She will rise, stronger, and this experience will help make her a better competitor and a better person. I hope she finds peace as soon as possible.

Train Hard.