The Promise

 

(thanks for the inspiration George)

"It's all about the promise", George said. "That's why we watch. In the beginning, when the plot is being set up, they introduce the promise. Over the course of the show we see the promise fulfilled. That's satisfying. That's why we watch. We want to see the promise fulfilled. We want to see how it happens". He was talking about anime, one of his many hobbies. He could have been talking about anything. At the time I didn't realize it, but he was talking about martial arts, too.

George loves anime, and he wanted me to love it too. I told him they are cartoons for children. He frowned. "Cartoons don't have the promise", he said. "Cartoons are pointless.". It would take me another few years to really appreciate what he meant and, ultimately, to understand that he was really giving me insight into the heart of my martial arts training. My son had become my teacher.

 Many things in life begin with a promise. It represents a commitment to action to create a better future, a way of showing that we intend to deliberately deliver some future outcome. Rather than just a hope or a wish, a promise infers an initiative with a plan. When we observe the promise in media, often in movies, TV shows, graphic novels and the like the promise is  a way of framing the problem and establishing that the protagonist (sometimes the storyteller) will fulfill that promise in some way, often unknown to us at the time. It allows for quests, journeys, adventures, plot twists, mistakes, crises, hope, redemption - casting the ring into the fire of Mt. Doom, as it were. Like the One Ring, symbols can play an important part in representing the central struggle or premise of the promise. In many cases, the bolder the promise, the more intriguing the pathway to its fulfillment becomes for the audience, who become drawn in as participants to the struggle and its resolution.

Our life stories have promises as well. Promises we make to others but also promises we make to ourselves.

I would argue that martial arts training carries many inherent promises, and this is one reason why it is so different from just going to an aerobics class (aerobics is nice too, though). Martial arts training has a unique blend of "martial" and "art" that can accommodate any person across its spectrum from very martial to very artistic and everything in between. It allows each student to customize a journey in order to fulfill the promise to themselves to become a better version of who they want to be. Dedication and determination are the struggle, the quest, and the outcome years later is to have been transformed into a newer, better YOU. Stronger and faster, but also wiser and more confident. A version of YOU that is no longer afraid to challenge growth in all other areas of your life. It truly is a growth for mind, body and spirit.

When students are first starting out, I often introduce the promise as one from them to me, their instructor. The agreement is to keep coming to class, twice a week, as often as possible, to trust the training and that I will guide them in the Way and introduce the steps of the path. Eventually, once deliberate action forms a habit, they become able to keep coming to class routinely as part of their weekly activity cycle. Promise fulfilled.

Next comes the promise to themselves. As students rise in their ranks, I remind them of their progress and introduce the idea that they can promise to themselves to continue to set and achieve their goals. While I am certainly satisfied to see them moving forward, this promise is for them to experience the fulfillment that comes from keeping your promises to yourself. This means being self-motivated and showing up to class and giving 100% regardless of the weather, the workload or any of life's other distractions. The promise is a commitment to investing in your own personal growth. Often times this is punctuated by the achievement of a black belt, a symbol of overcoming the challenges of fulfilling this promise to understand the basic foundations of the art and becoming able to represent them to others. Promise fulfilled.

This is the time for the third promise - the promise to others.

I fully believe that when we align to our soul's purpose in this lifetime, the right people show up at the right time to help guide us to our next phase of understanding. It is the case in many stories but I think this is also true in real life. For me, moments of plateau, moments of crisis, moments of opportunity were always accompanied by the arrival of new characters in my story - people whose appearance was destined to help me see the way forward. For all of my life these people have arrived just when and where they were supposed to. I feel very lucky to have been shown how to develop the insight to recognize this. It was many years later when I finally realized that the tables had turned... I was now the one meant to appear at the right place and time for other people. As a leader, a teacher, an elder I had somehow become a guide rather than just a traveler. I felt a deep sense of responsibility to deliver on this promise and to be worthy of it in the way that so many people had been to me throughout my life. I have tried to raise my awareness and be able to see moments of influence where I needed to be able to be the right person to guide, lead and inspire others to help them fulfill their promises, too. Doing so seems to fulfill mine.

In the end we come full circle. Martial arts begins and ends with a bow - a symbol of respect for the art, for the teachers/fellow students and for the self. So too, martial arts begins and ends with a promise. A promise to fulfill for the teacher, for the self and for others.

Train hard.  

  

Use the Difficulty

 

This is a great video from a great actor - a man who has stayed relevant and genuine in a career spanning more than 7 decades and over 160 films (and counting). He knows what he's talking about.

I found this video so interesting because it speaks to the heart of what we need to consider on our paths. All of us, every single one of us, experience trauma. We all have emotional wounds that can carry long-lasting consequences if left untreated.  This trauma can haunt us forever, or it can be used as a fuel to feed our fire for growth. We can become paralyzed with fear or turbocharged into action. It's up to us.

An actors' job is to convey various emotions to an audience through their portrayal of a character. The better they are the more we believe in who they become. The better they are the more we forget they are anyone other than who they portray at that moment. The best actors do much more than deliver a performance based on a script. They bring a humanness to the role that is unique and memorable. Method acting uses these powerful emotions to help actors create convincing characters.

Likewise, we can (and do) convince ourselves by the personas we create for ourselves. That's why it is very important to use the difficulty we have in our lives: the obstacles, the pain, the hurt, the sadness not as excuses to be stuck in place but instead in order to fuel our progress to something better.

Note that Michael Caine allows that difficulties can be used not just for dramatic purposes but also for comedy. Anyone who has been around me for any time at all knows my black humor - a coping mechanism I developed to face my many years in foster care. I laugh a lot because if I didn't I'd cry.

And as he says, "avoid difficulties if you can". True indeed. When you can't avoid the difficulty, USE IT.

Train hard.

coulda shoulda woulda

 

(Thanks for the inspiration MC)

The air in the changing room was heavy, palpable. I could feel it. I smiled and asked "How are you doing?" already knowing the answer... his face said it all. 

Lately we have been working on some BJJ basics as well as Kali Majapahit. Guro Jeremy has been training on weekends and has been kind enough to share what he is learning with the rest of us as part of our conditioning and as something to complement our usual KM curriculum. We are all beginners, including Jeremy and especially me. There is no ego, only a chance to play, explore and discover together, which for me is at the heart of what the FMA journey is all about. We do some warm-ups, some basic techniques, look for solutions to some common situations and even roll from time to time. I love it.

Three of the most dangerous words in the English language make the title of this post: Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda. With a magic wand I'd erase them completely. Why? Why are they so dangerous?? It goes back to the answer in the changing room... When I asked how he was doing, his expression dropped. "I don't know...I just think I should have done,,, better".  There it was. The Shoulda.  

I knew this feeling very well. When I started KM back in 2008 I already had three other black belts (Ninjutsu, Kenjutsu, Aikido) and had been doing martial arts for over 25 years. However, the movements of Kali Majapahit and the various subsystems (Hakka Kuntao, Silat, Jeet Kune Do) did not come easily at all. I always felt awkward and ashamed, as if somehow decades of experience in traditional Japanese martial arts could have prepared me for these new areas.  The reality is that they didn't and they couldn't. That was truly the best part because it challenged me in new and different ways that have led to a much deeper overall understanding. This is only possible once we get rid of the couldawouldashoulda

The Coulda: If only things had been different the result would have changed --- guess what, what happened happened. Now, how will you prepare for next time?

The Shoulda: Why didn't I do it differently?? --- guess what, you didn't. How will you do differently next time?

The Woulda: If only things were not the way they were... guess what, the way they are is the way they are. Now, what are you going to do about it?

These three dangerous words are rooted in our ego (our expectations of ourselves versus the evidence of reality), our overthinking of past events/giving in to guilt, our living in the hypothetical and abstracting the need for specific actions which lead to specific outcomes.  In each case, they are usually far more hurtful than helpful and can easily stall us in our development.

The Way challenges us to face ourselves as we truly are, without illusion, confronted by the evidence (positive or negative) of the environment we are in. Only from this true starting place can we plot a path to a different and more positive outcome. How can we determine where to go without first knowing and accepting where we are?  Of course, this includes the honesty of accepting our current selves as-is, limitations, failings and all, but ONLY as a part of the process of moving forward. NOT as a path toward despair, hopelessness or depression. We must remember that we can only know what we know, and be who we are right now in this moment. Not more, but also not less. As simple as this realization is, many people go their entire lives without considering it or without really accepting it.  Once we truly own ourselves as we are, we can start to take positive steps toward better goals.

When he told me "I don't know...I just think I should have done,,, better" my response was immediate. "Why do you think so? Have you trained BJJ before?" He said he had not. "Then there's no reason you should already be good at it, is there?" "He smiled and nodded his head. Sometimes the answer is so clear but we cannot see it through our ego.

We live in a world where perfection is expected. This is hardly the usual case but we tend to be disappointed with anything less than perfection, often from ourselves. Don't believe me?  Ask Einstein.  All the superstars we see were not born like that. It takes hard work, dedication and sacrifice to achieve excellence. Being present in the moment gives us an important signpost which helps us to see our progress from where we were, and how much closer we are to where we are going. In the end, this is what really matters.

The Path can be difficult. It's important not to make it even harder by putting unrealistic expectations on ourselves or others. We will almost always have to make decisions or take actions based on incomplete information, finite resources and sub-optimal timelines. We will need to get it done anyway. 

So trust in yourself and the process, stay the course, do the work, and the results will come. I promise.

In the meantime, train hard. 

My Adobo

 

One of the most famous foods in the pantheon of delicious Filipino cuisine is Adobo - a slowly braised meat stew. There are probably as many varieties as there are islands; each family seems to have their own recipe.

Although the basics of Adobo are constant - soy sauce, vinegar, meats. The combinations, the braising times, and the specific choices vary widely and it is impossible to definitively say any one recipe is the best. Each has the charm of its maker and reflects their passion and love.

Martial arts is similar. Like Adobo, the basic foundations of motion are the same across nearly all martial arts. We have only one human body, and it only moves in certain ways, so at a baseline level the movements will all resemble each other to a certain degree. That being said, the combination of complex motion, and the logic and theory behind the movements - the WHY - can differ greatly based on cultural, traditional, historical, sometimes even religious influence.

The recipes, like kata in martial arts, are often a result of trial and error over many generations, resulting in a set of ingredients and procedures that are thought be have repeatable success in producing the same outcome. In martial arts, many generations (including actual combat) have resulted in a survivor bias of wisdom that passes down from one teacher to the disciples/students and so on. Just like with cooking, simply "doing as one is shown" is not really enough. For deep understanding, each disciple must seek to understand the logic and reasoning behind the choices. In the end, he or she must forge new ground and create new techniques and recipes that reflect a unique understanding and insight. This is the only way to innovate and improve. 

The recipes are not really set in stone. Rather they are influenced by the moment, what we have on hand, and also just by our mood which sometimes wants the dish spicier or sweeter or wants to try something new. It is often the most unexpected combinations of ingredients that results in the most exciting discoveries, in the kitchen and in the dojo too.

In martial arts, students are highly advised to train not only their bodies but their minds with a critical eye to understand and interpret what they see. In the end, especially in FMA, a student must "own" the material and express it in an individual way called their "FLOW". Rather than just repeating a set of pre-arranged techniques or even mimicking the instructor, sometimes it's fun to just play, explore and discover. FMA covers a wide range of different weapons, distances, situations and strategies. This richness is worth exploring fully. Respecting the classics is important, but keeping things fresh and new is good in cooking and in martial arts as well. 

Good adobo simmers for a long time but doesn't boil. Over many hours the various flavors come together and the delicious smell drifts throughout the house and makes everyone hungry with anticipation. In martial arts, we try to train with passion but not let our ego or emotion boil over, since that would ruin the dish. The results of our training influence every aspect of our lives and enrich the people around us, who enjoy being with us even more because of our positive energy. Our homes become happier as we become happier through following our path and realizing our purpose.

Human beings are products of their experience. Whether it is in making adobo by blending a wide range of ingredients and techniques, or by martial arts training incorporating a lifetime of training, study, observation and experience, the blend is what matters. It is possible to achieve skill at either one just on your own, but finding a good teacher and a good group for sharing makes the journey more enjoyable and offers more opportunities to learn and grow. 

It is often said that the benefit is in the journey rather than the destination. For many years I have been working on both my cooking and my martial arts. I am still a relative beginner at both but this doesn't bother me. I can enjoy them just for what they are and I love sharing them with those I care about.

See you at class (or in the kitchen) 

Searching Research

 

(Thanks for the inspiration Yutaka sensei)

When I started Kali Majapahit in 2008 I already had more than 25 years of experience across several martial arts. I had trained in Ninjutsu originally, then in Iaijutsu, and in Aikido and was progressing toward my black belt in Yoshinkan Aikido, which I got in 2009. However something was missing in the traditional practice for me.

When I started Yoshinkan Aikido in Tokyo, it was an intensive program run by Roppongi Yoshinkan Aikido, and my training partner Chris (a former London police officer) and I did a semi-private class from 0545 - 0645 (yes, 5:45 AM!) three days a week with our teacher Sensei Mike at the Roppongi Dojo where I still go to teach KM. He taught us according to his curriculum in the famous Senshusei course (Angry White Pyjamas) and was severe. We loved it. The 0700 class couldn't believe there were students there earlier than they were...yep, US.  However, I had an ulterior motive. I wasn't there to master aikido per se. I was conducting research and I wanted to have a framework for it. Yoshinkan was perfect for my needs.

Research broadly comes in two types: Basic and Applied

Basic research is research which is conducted without any specific objective in mind. It is basically exploration with the goal of discovery. This is very important because often new areas of thought are uncovered specifically because the restriction of applied research is removed. Basic research can be highly innovative and allows us to challenge "What If?" scenarios limited only by our creativity.

On the other hand, applied research is conducted with the express purpose of solving a known problem or answering a known question. A variety of approaches are suggested and then systematically tested to find the best outcome. This is a method commonly used in business as well, where various scenarios are simulated to arrive at a strategy or plan.

In the martial arts, too, research is very important. In the Yoshinkan Aikido example above, I was conducting applied research on how to modify modern aikido techniques to make them more practical versus a resisting opponent who may also have aikido training. To do this, I needed a framework set of techniques to analyze that were presented very clearly and in a well-organized manner, with plenty of video content to review. Yoshinkan is extremely well organized and thorough, and the techniques are well documented. This allowed me to carefully examine each technique to discover the key attributes for breaking uke's balance, establishing control, and neutralizing the aggressive energy. One at a time, I modified them to remove the ukemi and to operate with a speed and dynamism that I wanted inside my kali flow. The process took about 3 years to complete, and forms a cornerstone of my personal expression of Kali Majapahit. As such, when I travel I am often asked to demonstrate and teach the results of this applied research project.

By contrast, I conducted and presented the results of some basic research as part of my preparation for my 3rd dan black belt test in Kali Majapahit in 2018-2019. This research was born from doing single stick 5-count sumbrada. As we were training it I asked myself if such a drill could be done with double stick as well. If so, what would it look like? This led to some exploration and a series of material based around the pattern of 5-count sumbrada but training the variable responses of using both sticks instead of just one. As far as I know this drill is not done elsewhere and was useful for intermediate and advanced students to better understand how to use the sticks.

I love the FMA because it is so much more than just repeating the same techniques over and over again. Yes, repetition is important for mastery but FMA offers us the opportunity to solve problems and explore/discover in ways that traditional martial arts often do not. I am a big advocate of assigning research projects (both basic and applied) to students during their journeys to help them better understand and develop their own flows.

So don't be afraid to put your lab coat on over your dogi. You might discover something amazing!

See you at class.

Looking back on 2021, Looking forward into 2022

 

2021 is over. It was a very challenging year but at last it's done. Now we must look forward toward 2022 and what it will bring. But first, my top learnings from 2021.

The "New Normal" isn't Normal

I hate that phrase. Like many other overused cliches, "the new normal" became a way not just to express wonder at the rapidly changing policies and adjustments that Covid-19 required, but also as a wave-off of any possible resistance to change. "The New Normal" became society's way of telling us to "just deal with it". Considering everything as "normal" rejected out of hand the notion that we should deeply question the changes, understand the root causalities, or even push back on some of the requests.

Switching suddenly to remote work wasn't normal. Going from restriction to lockdown again and again wasn't normal. Losing all direct contact with co-workers, friends and family wasn't normal. Living with the fear of potentially carrying a lethal virus without even knowing it wasn't normal. 10-12 hours of back-to-back Zoom calls every day wasn't normal. Nearly 2 years without seeing important customers or co-workers in person wasn't normal. It wasn't normal then and it's not normal now.

For Good Or Bad, Work is Changed FOREVER

Regardless of how many new variants emerge or how long until Covid-19 is finally eradicated (if it ever is), the world of work will never return to a 9-to-5, 5 day a week office-centric culture. It's gone and it will never come back. Surveys continue to show that most people prefer a hybrid model of at most 3 days a week in the office and 2 days remote, with variations on that theme across industries and companies. Flexible work policies have gone from nice-to-have to must-have to a way of attracting and retaining top talent, especially in industries like technology.

This has caused management to redefine productivity and performance, talent management, and career pathways. I don't think any company has got it totally right, and many have gotten it pretty wrong. The loss of common workplace culture and relationships may have a profound and as yet unquantifiable impact on the future of work, especially for those onboarding remotely, those with low digital literacy, those in front-line customer-facing roles like sales/service and the like. Some companies (sell-side brokers, for example) required employees to be fully back in the office, like it or not, and the backlash from those decisions has been well noted.

"Work From Home" became "Live at Work" with calls and emails and tasks appearing and being addressed at all hours of the day. Many of us routinely worked 12 hour days, nights, weekends, holidays and everything in between. Sometimes this meant no time even for lunch, with calls stacked back-to-back from morning until night. The flexible work became an inflexible and unrelenting grind of Zoom, Teams and Webex with barely even time for a bathroom break on many days. 

There was no time for "actual work" (especially deep work) apart from nights, weekends and holidays. I continued to get (and respond to) emails and messages 24/7 for months on end, desperately trying to stay afloat (and failing anyway).

It's OK to Not Be OK

Like a rock buffeted by crashing waves, over time many of us broke down. Eroded. Parts of us washed away, dissolved into the relentless surf. Many people were able to endure the first few months with a stoic mentality and a commitment to work as hard as needed to get the job done, however we had to do it. We struggled with technology and other logistical and operational issues but somehow we found we could get by. Mostly. Over time, however, the loss of humanity and lack of any WHY in our work began to add up. The overload of work required to do every little task kept pressure on us every moment of every day. Bit by bit, it became overwhelming with no respite and no way out. Hopelessness and despair led to burnout and for many, resignation. Companies put on a good face, but there have not been any real support systems in place to cope with burnout, depression and the overwhelming despair that these changes have caused.

Covid-19 has affected EVERY SINGLE PERSON on this planet. We need a much better effort to provide necessary mental health care in the face of this unprecedented crisis.

I personally suffered in all three health domains: mental, physical and spiritual

Physically - I have felt exhausted for the past 2 years, unable to ever fully refresh and recover my energy. Long work days has meant no way to go to the gym to offset being sat in front of the computer constantly. I ended up with Type 2 diabetes due to poor food choices and lack of exercise.  Stress caused me to have long bouts of insomnia and overall poor sleep quality which in turn contributed to overall loss of energy.

Mentally - I have felt drained every day, irritable and lonely, missing human contact and racked with constant worry and stress. I have felt depressed almost all the time since late 2020. On weekends I usually sleep or do very little, often lacking enthusiasm for my daily life outside of work, worried about what stress the next week of tasks will bring. It has felt like a constant drowning, slowly but surely, over the past 15 months. Working harder hasn't helped but there has not been another option to cope with increasing pressure and work responsibilities.

Spiritually - I lost my WHY some time ago. I LOVE my customers and co-workers and love to help them solve problems, but working remotely has caused distance and made it much harder to establish the trust we need to solve issues together. As a people manager it's been hard to maintain trust with my team and be there for them. Frankly, it's impossible to save others from drowning when you are drowning, too.

Lack of a proper vacation for the past 2 years has contributed significantly to this.

Vacation Means Something Different Now

Workplace stress was compounded by the long-standing inability to travel. For us in Japan, lacking the ability to travel overseas has meant that we either travel domestically, which most of us did a bit, or wait hoping that the restrictions would lift, which most of us did. Very few of us took our allotted vacation days (I took less than half of my annual leave) since it seemed like such a waste. Usually we would go to Hawaii or Thailand or some other exotic destination, and I would always try to get a two-week holiday to visit family in the US every year. For the past 2 years, nothing. The few odd days off were spent mostly on the couch, exhausted. As a result, there was never really any break from work. "Always on" became the accepted (and expected) status and Teams/Slack never seemed to stop. I found myself staring at my laptop/phone from sun up to sun down, even during meals. I lost my family time and every moment doing anything else caused me to feel dread at what would be waiting for me when I looked at my laptop/phone again.

Despite some light at the end of the tunnel in October, Omicron now suggests that travel will be off the cards potentially for most, if not all, of 2022 as well.

No One is Immune

Not just from Covid-19, no one is immune from the potentially negative effects of so much change in such a short time. I have 40+ years of martial arts experience, coupled with a deep understanding of personal spirituality and meditation. I am a survivor of the State of Illinois mental health/children's services system for nearly 18 years and have had more than 10 years of therapy and counseling for the trauma I suffered as a child. I consider myself extremely emotionally stable and mature, with a very resilient mentality.

Despite this, Covid-19 has left me broken and shaken, spiraling downward into depression and weakening day by day. It's gone on for far too long and been too intense for me to manage it with the skills I have. I lied to myself about how deeply this affected me and have been afraid to ask for the help and support I need because I was worried about losing my job and my position. That cannot continue.

SO WHAT'S NEXT?

2022 must be different. It cannot continue like it was in 2021. I cannot continue like I was in 2021. In summary, I lost my balance and need to recover it, somehow.

I need to rebalance my mind, body and spirit before things get worse. There is still time to act.

Mind

I need to work in a healthier and more sustainable manner.

I need to better manage my work stress and feel more productive/effective.

I need to be honest about my mental health struggles during this time and be accepted/acknowledged for what I am experiencing. I need help sometimes. I need more realistic goals.

I need to feel successful and establish successful routines to accomplish my goals. I need coaching/mentoring for my development areas.

I need to learn and grow again.

I need to write regularly for myself, not just emails, chats etc. for work.

Body

Teaching Kali 2/week has not been enough to keep me healthy. I need my own training regimen apart from that and I need time to do my own training. I need time to do my next level of research into my martial arts and develop new ideas again.

I need to defeat my T2 diabetes and get control of my metabolism before it gets worse.

I need to get enough good quality sleep every night.

I need periodic vacations to disconnect from work and recharge my body and my mind.

Spirit

I need to reconnect to my WHY.

I need to fix myself first so I can contribute more to those around me.

I need time every day for meditation and reading.

2022 will bring lots of change, hopefully positive change.

I hope it will bring positive change for you, too. 

       

About Mistakes

 

No one would ever doubt that Albert Einstein was one of the greatest minds in all human history. Despite his many, many accolades I like this story about him the best. He went to the chalkboard and began to write down simple multiplication tables...

9 x 1 = 9
9 x 2 = 18
9 x 3 = 27
9 x 4 = 36
9 x 5 = 45
9 x 6 = 54
9 x 7 = 63
9 x 8 = 72
9 x 9 = 80
9 x 10 = 90

Someone in the class raised their hand and pointed out that he had gotten one wrong. "9 x 9 is 81, not 80" he said proudly. The class laughed at the error. Einstein didn't. He merely replied "None of you made any comment about the fact that I had gotten all the other calculations correct. You only cared that I had gotten a single calculation wrong."

There is such a powerful lesson here. We live in a world of data, microseconds, precision. We expect every single little thing to be perfect in a world that we should admit is very far from perfect even at the best of times. We are called out in our schoolwork or at our jobs for the slightest mistakes and sometimes even laughed at or publicly humiliated for it. We are rarely, if ever, praised for the 99% (maybe slightly less) of things we do well every day, all the time.

Some mistakes indeed have terrible consequences, such as poor engineering of an airplane, building or bridge, poor medical diagnoses or surgical skills, poor driving, etcetera. I would never suggest that those are OK. However, I would concede that we are often too harsh on others and ourselves when it comes to mistakes. We make a big deal out of a small deal.

This creates anxiety, stress and fear which can prevent us from trying something new. In some cases, we retreat into our shells and refuse to challenge our situations out of fear that we would fail or be ridiculed for any small mistake. Sometimes, The dread of it prevents us from even trying at all.

It's important to remember that our strength is not a result of our success. It is quite the opposite. Strength comes from making mistakes; from failing and yet continuing on - from perseverance to reach every milestone that leads to the ultimate goal, despite the various setbacks that will inevitably occur in every endeavour. The success stories that resonate with us are not those of easy victory, but rather those that were hard-fought, well-earned and richly deserved.

Please don't worry about your little mistakes, you'll fix them. So will I. In the end what will matter is if you didn't give up.

I'll see you at the finish line. 

About Testing

 It's almost time. After three months of hard work over the hot summer, we approach testing week. I've been running this group for more than 10 years, and I always get the same questions as we approach testing week. The most frequently asked question as we review in the final two weeks is:

"Is that going to be on the test?"

Of course, there's a simple "yes/no" answer. However, I think the question is a bit more complex than that. YES, we have a specific curriculum (and a very impressive one at that, designed by Punong Guro Fred Evrard and regularly updated based on feedback from a wide variety of sources). Therefore, it is very clear what would or would not be on a test. In addition, I try to be very clear with all students about my expectations for them.

Testing is so important because it creates a cycle of goal setting and goal achievement which is at the heart of positive reinforcement. It reminds us again and again that we are capable of establishing routines from which consistent effort will yield results. Proof of this is a vital part of success in every aspect of our lives.

I appreciate that students want to do their very best for the testing. They want to be sure they know the material and can perform it under the stress of a structured testing environment. They want to succeed, and we instructors do, too. We will NEVER set a student up to fail. Rather, we will support them as they challenge themselves to do and be more than they were before.

At the same time, asking if some material will be on the test or not suggests that, if I answered "No", that material would be unworthy of a student's attention or practice. This should not be the case at all. A test is simply a snapshot of a moment, and a measurement of that moment against a set of criteria. Nothing more. Learning is not a snapshot, but instead a journey with no real end to be found. All techniques and applications are designed to illustrate important aspects of a technique, strategy, movement or concept. To deepen understanding, we try to provide as much context as possible to allow students to understand from as wide a perspective as possible. Since everyone learns slightly differently, we use many different examples to help triangulate the truth and enrich comprehension. As a result, I'm proud to say that KM Japan students typically make a great impression when they visit other KM schools around the world, and even when they go to visit dojos which practice other styles. It's a trend we want to continue.

I am flattered when students tell me they want to do their best for me. It shows that they value the teaching and respect me as their guide. At the same time, my goal is to light the spark of curiosity and for them to practice and train outside of class as well as in it. It's to help inspire students who will seek out knowledge in the arts not for me but for themselves; students who will change their habits and continue to strive for excellence even when I'm not looking. In the end, I want them to do their best for themselves, not to honor me but to honor their commitment to themselves and to self-improvement. I am so grateful to have had so many students like this, who have really used KM as a framework to develop the self-confidence to take control of all aspects of their lives and become who they want to be - more positive, better versions of themselves. This is why I continue.

For every student, the time will come in their journey when they (should) no longer need to be shown every little detail or every shiny new technique. They will have built their foundation strongly and become familiar with the basic movements of Kali Majapahit. Hopefully, they will have a good understanding of the human body, it's strong and weak points, and of key concepts like how to generate power and use bodyweight (theirs and their opponent's). They will have acquired a framework of understanding that allows assimilation of new material easily.  With this, they can explore and discover as they wish, to all four corners of the world of FMA and beyond. This is akin to reaching adulthood in the arts. They should have some of their own FLOW and their own vision for themselves and their future as martial artists and as human beings.

For some students, it ends up meaning they will seek other teachers and other systems, hopefully with a new ability to adapt and adjust more quickly based on their experience of KM. For others, this adulthood is a time to dig more deeply into what they have learned in KM, and to discover new understanding even beyond what they have been taught. This may result in them bringing something unique and special to their KM expression. It is the ultimate tribute to one's instructors to bring a new application or expression of what they have learned.  I am proud to have been able to add to KM during my tenure here, and my black belts have all brought their own flavor and flow to what we do, which brings me tremendous pride and joy for having guided them in the beginning.

I'll see you on the mats.

  

Making Changes

 

It started back in  May. For a few weeks symptoms began to appear. I was thirsty all the time (even after 4L of water a day). I had to urinate every 30 mins or so, even waking up several times a night to go to the bathroom. I felt more tired than usual and lacking energy all the time. Finally, I began to get tingling sensations in my left hand - pins and needles that would come and go throughout the day.

I knew something was wrong. At the same time, I have been working long hours (60-70 hours a week for more than a year, often including weekends as well). I figured maybe it was just stress... By the time I went to get a blood test and speak to a doctor I had already done a detailed check on the symptoms, cross checking against a few sources. The most likely culprit? Type 2 diabetes.

After my blood test on May 31 it was crystal clear. The doctor told me point blank I had severe type 2 diabetes and he wanted to hospitalize me for a few weeks to reduce my blood sugar. I said no due to work commitments and the need to discuss with my wife first. My numbers were pretty bad, especially compared to 2019. In particular, high cholesterol, high LDL-C, high neutral fat. My blood glucose was at a shocking 328, over 3 times high range of normal and 2.5 times what it was in 2019. The all-important A1c marker was 11.9, nearly twice the high end of the normal range. It was a modest 5.9 two years ago.

I was prescribed Jardiance (1/daily) and began to take Omega 3 supplements and multivitamins too. In addition I switched to a strict ketogenic diet in line with Guro Fred Evrard's book on ketogenic diet for health. In short, I gave up rice, potatoes, pasta and white bread, instead substituting salads or just tomatoes with olive oil/balsamico. I also switched to black coffee (no sugar, no milk) and started drinking only unsweetened teas (black, Japanese green, barley) and water. No alcohol. I tried to sleep at least 7 hours per night and tried (mostly unsuccessfully) to limit my overtime work. On off days, I have been sure to walk at least 10,000 steps per day and continued to hold Kali class 2/week as per usual. I began to do IF as well, skipping breakfast and waiting to have lunch as my first meal of the day instead.

I began to see results almost immediately. In month one I lost 7kg and began to look slimmer in and around my face as well as my waist, suddenly able to wear clothes I had kept hidden in my closest for the past 2 years. In truth, these visual changes were the main motivator for me to keep going since my blood tests were only 1/month.

I had my second blood test last week, two months after the initial diagnosis. I'm happy to report that almost all markers are returned to normal or very close to it. My blood glucose dropped a whopping 66% and now is at 111 down from 328, even lower than it was 2 years ago. My A1c has also moved down to 7.4 and still has to reduce further but the trend is encouraging.   Next blood test is in a month and I am hopeful my T2D will be in remission or close to it by then. I am no fan of labels, but Type 2 Diabetes has a mountain of info and sources of guidance to draw from. It’s far more common than I had previously thought (about 463 million people worldwide, with more than 116 million in China alone). More than 9.3% of the global population are thought to have type 2 diabetes. 

My wife, as always, has been my rock of strength. She relentlessly seeks out healthy things for me to eat and makes amazing meals that are even more delicious than I used to eat before my diagnosis. Shirataki noodles have been wonderful and her Pad Thai and Pho using them are better than the restaurant versions we would get. She prepares amazing Greek salads, Cobb salads and others that make me excited for lunch and dinner. I never feel like I'm missing out.

In the end, this wake up call has been a positive experience. It provided me a much-needed incentive to re-focus and prioritize on my health - NO EXCUSES. It gave others a reason to support me and join my victory march and I have had to change my lifestyle to become a healthier, happier version of myself. It's also provided real results that I had historically never gotten from the gym or fad diets, providing me a sustainable lifestyle choice that I can follow without suffering or feeling hungry all the time.

I still have a long way to go, but I'm excited about the progress so far. I'm proud of those around me who gave me inspiration and grateful for the people who love me and want me to live longer. Among them, my wife Sanae stands tallest with her tireless efforts to keep me on track and happy. She's simply the best.

Lastly, special thanks to Guro Fred and Guro Lila, who are great role models for healthy and happy living. I am sorry it took me so long to put your good advice into my daily practice.

Further updates to come.  Until then, Stay Healthy!

Axes of Energy

 

(thanks for the inspiration Sensei F)

In 40 years of martial arts study, there have been a few lightbulb moments - times when I feel I uncovered something special in my understanding. I am still a beginner, but my foundation in aikido and Japanese traditional methods coupled with my Kali Majapahit research and study has helped me find various points of common ground and make some sense of what my teachers have tried to instill in me. In particular, Guro Fred Evrard's careful lectures on body structure and mechanics deepened my own understanding significantly.

We are principally concerned with three physical power chains in the body, recognizing that our main goal is to keep these active and functional for ourselves, while at the same time (or at least as a minimum) denying them to our opponent. These chains are:

Head/Neck/Spine

Shoulders/Hips

Elbows/Knees

All three have important roles to play for various reasons, and it helps to consider how we use them and also prevent their use against us. Taken together they form a kind of sideways "letter H" or an uppercase "I" across the body, in some similarity to the design of an automobile powertrain which delivers energy from the engine to the wheels.

Head/Neck/Spine

This is the central drivetrain of the human body, where electrical impulses beginning in the brain are carried through the neck down the spine to activate muscular action. Head/neck/spine are also aligned on the body's centerline. As such, this is the most important chain of the three. If the head/neck/spine does not maintain integrity we cannot generate power and strong disruption can even short-circuit the body's central nervous system. The neck is a critical part of this chain since without a bone structure such as the ribcage, much of the soft tissue and nerves are exposed and vulnerable to attack.

The head is encased in bone (skull) designed to protect the brain. Thus, as a target it is generally inferior to the neck. However, soft tissue such as eye sockets/temples still exist and can be leveraged. Furthermore, moving the head has a chain reaction effect on the neck and spine and the head has natural handholds (ears/hair/eye sockets/mouth) which make it easy to grab and manipulate.

When training, we should pay careful attention to the posture and alignment of the head/neck/spine chain since if it is not straight it limits power generation achieved through spinal rotation. Many students lean or cock their heads and this is to be avoided/corrected so the spine remains straight.

For the spine, it is usually well protected by muscles of the back and can be hard to attack. The tailbone is a notable exception and can cause disruption through the whole spinal chain when damaged. This can be done using strong, direct knee strikes or also by causing the opponent to land heavily when sitting down backward from a sweep or drop.

Shoulders/Hips 

These are the identical ball joint structures on the high and low lines which are responsible for transferring power from the spine to the extremities (arms and legs). Both are extremely useful in reading  the opponent since these need to move before the extremity moves. Thus, when keeping peripheral vision tuned to the shoulders/hips it becomes far easier to understand the opponent's intent and respond accordingly. Of the two, the hips are the body's principal engine of momentum and where the greatest power generation can occur. Denying the opponent the ability to engage their hips is tantamount to victory on the ground, and key to reducing mobility when standing. When we employ throws, it is very common to load the opponent onto our hips in order to deliver strong spinal rotation and drop our bodyweight on top of them. Success in judo relies on strong hip rotation and naturally many judo counters depend on stopping the opponent's hips.

The shoulders as well are a key area of focus, and strikes to the front of the shoulder can result in checking the opponent's arms, often as we enter into close range. There are a variety of locks and controls that can be applied to the shoulder in order to dislocate it or to secure the lower arm. It is far easier to control the head/neck/spine via the shoulder than it is via the wrist since it is closer to the centerline.

Taken together, the 4 points (both shoulders and both hips) represent "the box" within which most of our vital organs are contained. Therefore, keeping the opponent outside this box, and conversely gaining entry to this box on our opponent, becomes of primary importance when fighting.

Elbows/Knees

Often overlooked, elbows and knees are critically important in maintaining body structure. Like the barrel of a gun, where they point, the energy goes. As such, it is important to consider the line of the elbows and knees when transferring power from the spine to the hands/feet via shoulder/hip rotation. Likewise, manipulating the opponent's elbow creates a direct path the the head/neck/spine via the shoulders. Since the elbows are a more easily accessible contact point, a variety of aikido techniques (Ikkajo, for example) focus on controlling the elbow in order to take balance and control the opponent. Organizing aikido techniques based on which point is used to control the head/neck/spine is a good exercise for clarifying what understanding is meant to be learned by practicing each specific technique. Basic practices such as hiriki no yosei (elbow power generation) are, as the name implies, specifically designed to emphasize the connection between elbows and hips to improve technique. Keeping elbows in/armpits closed is good advice from a variety of arts including the Hakka systems as well as Aikido.

Knees of course can be used to disrupt the hip line and therefore the spinal integrity from the bottom up. However, it is also very important to understand how important knee alignment is when transferring hip power. The knees are critical not just for delivering hip power through kicks, but also for delivering hip power into upper body strikes, throws and projections as well. The knees and feet should point in the same direction and be aligned the the facing of the hips to allow for maximum rotation and energy transfer from the feet into the spine via the hips. We keep this connection by use of the sliding step (suriashi) and by flexing bodyweight onto the balls of the feet by bending the knees and pointing them into the target. The same body mechanic can be observed by baseball batters, golfers, cricket batsmen, football quarterbacks/baseball pitchers, soccer players, gymnasts, skaters and other athletes whose performance depends on generating power through spinal rotation.

A lot of conversation is spent comparing one martial art to another, but in the end those arts concerned with body mechanics have in common the fact that humans are all fundamentally the same. Our bodies generate power using the same basic principles, regardless of whether we do aikido, karate, tae kwon do, muay thai or anything else.  In our studies, we should learn elements of psychology, philosophy, anatomy and body mechanics in order to be a well-rounded martial artist. There is no substitute for training, but thinking deeply about the WHY of our movement may also yield some practical insights.

Support

 

This has been tough. More than a year of working (too much) remotely. Classes cancelled for several months during the worst of SOE. Nowhere to get away as all flights in/out have basically been cancelled. The pressure building and building... Every single person in the world has been impacted by this pandemic, some of us worse than others. We've all lost so much. And it's not over yet.

To be honest I haven't felt much like writing lately. It's been hard enough to get through every day. Sometimes I wonder if it is all even worth it. IT IS.

Last week I got some unsolicited mails from my students. One of them read: 

"Dear John, I wanted to thank you many times for that conversation in Tokyo after the class…But I guess what I should be really great full about is that unconditional love and support you gave to all of your students, including myself. I walked into your class insecure and left as a fighter ready to take my personal battles."

Another read

"I recently did a topic on everyday heroes at my school. Of course, the students wanted to know about mine and your name came to mind quite quickly. Your blog topics are inspiring and when I read them, they resonate with whatever is going on in life."

When I started this blog in 2005 I had no great big plan for how it would go or who would see it. I had nothing to shout from the mountaintops. I wasn't trying to change the world. I just wanted a place where I could share some things I have learned along the way in the hopes that it would help me clarify my own thoughts as well as maybe give some small insight into the martial arts journey we are on and why it could be important. Now it's 16 years later and 522 posts of content. Truly a life's work.

I have tried to be authentic in my writing and in my interactions with everyone, inside class or not. Many students have come and gone in the 11 years since I started teaching. My own teachers, my fellow teachers and my students have given me so much and I want to deliver each class the very best that I can. You deserve it.

In the end, we never know how what we say or do could impact others. Every encounter could be the spark of change in them or in us. Every conversation has the power to heal and inspire if we let it. We can and must support each other in these difficult times. It's the only way we can make in through to the other side.

Many thanks for the words of kindness you have given me. They remind me why this task is so important. If even one single person benefits from what I say or do, then the effort is worthwhile. We do not all need to change the world in big, broad strokes. However, each of us can change our little corner of it if we try. The slightest bit of compassion and empathy can yield a result far more than we imagine. This is the way of the Peaceful Warrior, entrusted to me by my teachers and kept alive by all of us every day.

We need this now more than ever.

Be Kind.  

The Zen Mountain

 

In the past, I wrote various posts about Zen practice and enlightenment, but this is a good reminder in a year where we have all been seeking something, ANYTHING to help ease our suffering. This year has truly been a big challenge to stay focused and positive in the face of a deadly pandemic that is still far from over. It has touched all of our lives in some fundamental ways and we know in the back of our minds the world can never truly go back to what it was before.

This is a time for warriors. When life is easy it is easy to be brave. This is the time that will test us and help us discover new strength, new courage and new compassion as we are forced to remember how important it is to stay connected to each other. This is what we were trained for. Not every fight takes place on a battlefield or in a dark alley. This year has been tough and if you are still standing you deserve to reward yourself. You've earned it. Celebrate your victories, however small.

I understand the importance of workshops, seminars, retreats, sequesters and other special events in the spiritual calendar. These activities can increase our focus and get us prepared to experience a higher level of awakening. Often, they can help us prepare for the next step of our journey, rather like packing a suitcase of essentials. Events can shake us out of routine and give us new perspectives to consider alternative points of view and bring us insight. They are also great sources of fellowship and learning, especially when they involve mentors we don't get to see regularly. For me, the conversations in between the training sessions have been some of the most valuable and precious times of all. 

That said, "going to the mountain" is no substitute for daily, scheduled practice. Muscle memory and spiritual memory too, comes from constant repetition. It is important to practice the techniques until they are effortless. It is just as important to practice the meditation until proper posture, breathing and clarity are automatic. Without this, the practice can never lead to the freedom we seek.

Unlike many other religions, our spiritual practice is a reminder that we have all that we need within us. Teachers and guides can help, but we own our own karmic journeys and our own paths to spiritual growth. "The Mountain" cannot give us anything we did not already have. This ownership is very important because it takes away the excuse of dependency on something external. The Mountain cannot take the place of skipped practices or lack of effort. It cannot replace the daily routine. There are no make-ups or do-overs. 

THERE ARE NO SHORTCUTS.

This is very important because if you imagine there are, you seek them, get distracted and lose time. Once you accept there are not, you are free to put in the real work required to progress and grow. You also begin to fully appreciate the relationship between effort and outcome which is at the heart of good practice. You remind yourself that you can set goals and work at them until your achieve your results, not just in the dojo but throughout your life.

Forgiveness, gratitude, compassion, grace, understanding are all within our capability if we simply surrender to the truth of our practice and follow it diligently. As is often said in Zen lecture "When you seek it, you cannot find it.". The key, of course, is learning to let go.

Use the Mountain wisely, but do not expect it to yield enlightenment. Instead, focus on your daily practice and allow the Mountain to help you help yourself. The Path is not easy but the results are worth it.     

The Importance of Healing

 

We've all been hurt, every one of us.  By words or by actions, or lack thereof, we have all experienced suffering. Sometimes that hurt was caused by ourselves. It's inevitable that we will repeat this cycle again and again throughout our lives. Some wounds of course are more severe than others. In some cases, severe trauma - be it physical or emotional - stops us in our tracks or creates life-altering changes for us or those around us. Remembering such pain can hurt almost as bad as the original experience itself. In some cases, even though the physical pain is long past the emotional pain never really goes away.

As a response to pain, we often try to repress the emotions associated with it. We bury these feelings away and try to move on as if ignoring them would magically make them disappear. The reality is that these pains stay with us unless they are healed. Repressing them, forgetting about them or pretending to be better does not address the root cause and the wounds continue to fester, sometimes forever.

For physical pain, it is your body's distress signal and should always be considered worthy of investigation. Pain is your body's way of telling you to stop whatever it is that caused it, and as such it is important to discover the source and address it.

For emotional pain, too, it is our mind's way of telling us that we need to address some powerful emotions. Left alone, this pain will continue to return again and again. Likewise, it is important to understand the source and heal it properly.

Healing hurts. It takes time. It also requires both patience and courage to spend the time and energy needed to recover fully from injury. This means not aggravating a healing wound. It means taking enough rest to let the body/spirit really recover fully before engaging in the same activities again. Of course, physical therapy, like mental therapy, can help create a good recovery plan. For emotional pain, we need time before we are ready to face certain situations or relationships again and it is important to allow ourselves this time and not cut corners or rush the healing process.

In my case, I carried around the guilt, anger and hurt of being given away into state foster care as a toddler. I carried this pain for thirty years or so and it influenced every aspect of my life, damaging relationships and eroding my self-confidence. It was only through facing it, and facing my birth mother, that I actually began to heal. After so many years it was like the sunshine finally shone on my face again. In the end, she needed to heal, too.

It is not stoic or noble to endure physical and emotional pain. There is nothing "manly" about it. That which does not kill you does not always make you stronger, sometimes it just cripples you. Instead, it is far smarter to work actively on healing so that you can return to balance and find your own peace. It's out there, I promise.

Meanwhile, train as hard as you can.

Handicapped

 

In case you did not already know it, I'm handicapped. When I was a baby my birth mother left me face down in my crib for so long that my left eye failed to develop properly.  It's functionally blind (20/220 or-22).  The condition is called amblyopia and being born premature didn't help either.  I've worn glasses or contacts for my entire life, but actually those are for my RIGHT EYE, which is also bad enough (20/60 or -6.0) that I can hardly see at all without my glasses. It gets a little worse each year and sitting in front of a computer for 60 hours a week hasn't helped (yes, I'm sitting in front of a computer typing this).  Slowly, I'm going completely blind if I live that long.  I love my life and am making the best of it. When that time comes, I will adjust like I have adjusted to every change so far.

I used to drive a car when I lived in America, and I had to swivel my head like an owl to see the left side of the car, since that's literally my blind side.  I drove in the far left lane whenever possible to minimize risk of that blind spot. Now, I don't drive and probably won't again. It's polite to look at people when they speak to you, so if you're sitting on my left you may have noticed that I turn my head fully so I can see you with my right eye. Where possible I try to sit across the table or sit guests on my right so I can see them easier and it feels less awkward for them.

Even though I was more than qualified, for many years I refused to put the blue sign in my car. I refused to use handicapped benefits or parking. I refused to consider myself handicapped.  WHY?

For one part, especially when I was young, I just couldn't accept this label for myself. I didn't FEEL handicapped. I ran and jumped and played like everyone else. I did various sports and could ride a horse, bungy jump, scuba dive, skydive and ride my motorcycle. I could shoot a gun and box and wrestle and fence. I did martial arts. I wasn't handicapped in my mind. I did everything everyone else could do and I resented the idea of a label that would suggest I was any less.  I never (well, almost never) felt sorry for myself or pitied myself and never sought pity from others. Rather, I learned to act with compassion and inspire others to do the same.

I scored highly on the ASVAB test and tried to get into the military after high school just as many of my friends did. Because of my eyesight I was rejected in the physical exam. That's the only time I cried about my handicap. I felt I had let down my country, my family and my friends because I couldn't serve like they did. I continue to have the deepest respect for military personnel and will always wish I could have been one of them. I wanted to do my part.

As I got older, I still rejected that "handicapped" label and refused any handicapped benefits or services. I always knew there were many, many other people who needed that money or that parking spot more than I did. I felt it was better for them to have that support since I didn't really need it. I still think that. I'm grateful that I've been able to take care of myself all my life. Some people can't. There's no shame in it.

Now in my 50s, I am a very public advocate for various handicaps, especially mental illness and especially as it relates to the complex issues of those children who grew up in foster care like I did or who were adopted as children. Many of us suffer not only from physical handicaps but from mental handicaps as well.  Some we are born with and some happen along the way. Some are temporary, others are permanent.

Throughout my life I've been inspired by other handicapped people who have overcome tremendous obstacles to live their best and most fulfilling lives. Of course among them are luminaries like Dr. Steven Hawking but also martial artists like Bruce Lee and Dolph Lundgren, both of whom struggled with various physical conditions yet went on to become legendary martial artists. Many are ordinary people like you and I, that remind me how we can always find a way forward with a positive mindset and a will to achieve. Humans are truly miraculous.

Over time I learned - EVERYBODY HAS A DISABILITY. The only difference is whether or not they recognize it. Recognizing it, whether or not they accept that label and let it define them or whether they seek to find a way to do what they want to do despite it. My physical  and mental challenges never defined me and they should not define you, either.

Martial arts is so wonderful for so many reasons. One of the best is the ability that martial arts training gives us to break free of the limitations placed on us. Martial arts training is for everyone and anyone who wants to improve themselves and go beyond any label placed on them - even by themselves. In the dojo we are all equal and we can all excel to be the best versions of ourselves. In the dojo we can practice being more than we were and becoming who we want to be outside the dojo. It's a place where CHANGE happens.

Train hard. See you at class.

54

 

Yes, I'm 54 years old today.
Yes, that's a photo of Studio 54 in New York back in the day (obviously before social distancing).
I used to enjoy a night out at a disco as much as the next guy... well, maybe even a little bit more. It feels like a long, long time ago.

Some of the things I'm grateful for today include:

• good job (with birthday greetings from our CEO, Bill McDermott! Yay!!) #servicenowstrong
• good place to live (Sweet Home Yokohama!)
• good food to eat (some of it I even cooked myself)
• good health (well, pretty good anyway)
• good family (I am overly blessed in this area)
• good dojo and good students (great, actually)
• good friends (again, overly blessed in this area - thank you for your messages!)
• good books (still reading all your recommendations)

The list goes on and on... I am blessed beyond measure and grateful to all of you who have been part of my success story.

I suffered a fair bit to get here, but still had it better than many.  I fought hard for what I achieved and it has not come easy.  I'm sure everyone who considers themselves successful would say the same.  Many times I wanted to give up, but the love and support of all of you kept me going.  Thank you.  I came into this world fighting and I'm not done yet. I'll keep going full speed ahead until my last breath. I know you would expect no less of me.

I started this journey premature and underweight at the US Naval Hospital in Norfolk, VA.  I ended up in Illinois Children's Home and Aid when my parents divorced and I was placed into foster care at just over one year old.  I have struggled with ADHD, depression and other mental illness and tried (unsuccessfully) to end my life more than once along the way.  I found martial arts and my life mission and achieved my dreams (and beyond) here in Japan. I met and married a strong, beautiful, incredible woman and thanks to her I have the family I always wanted.  Being part of this family is the greatest achievement and honor of my life. I have had more than I ever expected and feel so incredibly lucky.

In time, I forgave others, which allowed me to forgive myself.  I found redemption and peace in my heart after so many years of sadness. I have tried to pay it forward and give back to others in need at every possible opportunity. It will never be enough but I will never stop trying. You deserve my very best every day.

The many messages I receive from around the world, from all of you who took even a moment from your busy day to think of me, make me overcome with happiness.  I feel like my life has had importance and meaning because I've been able to meet you and be part of your story, too.  Thank you for remembering me today.

This year has been the hardest so far.  So much pain and suffering, with every day feeling like a new low. Now, I can see the sun coming up on the horizon. We're going to get through this. Together. I promise.

Thank You.        

For Example

 

A typical 2 hour Kali Majapahit class goes like this:

• Warm Ups - focused on joint limbering and mobility
• Stickwork - single or double stick drills
• Empty hands - could be Kali, Silat, Hakka or others.  Could be knife defense or other topics.
• Boxing or Kickboxing - also some cardio/strength training

We keep busy and the time goes by quickly. In two hours we cover a lot of material.  In general, I use the Japanese method, which means showing a basic movement (Kihon) and then variations (Henka) that we work on, explore, discuss.  My goal is not memorization of specific techniques per se; rather it is about understanding how to apply the body's maximum power via a strong structure, and of course to deny the opponent any opportunity to do the same.

At the beginner's level of understanding, there is only mimicry and trying to match the instructor's movements and sequences exactly.  Everything is either "right" (matching the instructor) or "wrong" (anything else).  There are so many details to remember about footwork, posture, weight shift, rotation of shoulders and hips, extension, focus, breathing.  It is common for students to want to film the techniques so they can try to do them exactly as shown.  They often obsess about tiny details such as which foot is forward, which hand goes where, etc.

Later, as intermediates, students begin to connect the dots more and more.  They begin to see drills and patterns not as absolutes, but rather as arbitrary frameworks or templates used to develop understanding and promote muscle memory.  The basic physical skills start to become automatic and they are starting to conceive of solutions outside specifically what they have been shown and extrapolate movements from one subsystem to the next.  There is a better understanding of distancing and ranges, planes and geometry, their own body position in relation to their opponent, and varieties of options for every situation.

Advanced students are well aware that whatever drills or techniques I show are just for illustrating certain concepts or providing food for thought.  They must explore and express, ultimately using their own "FLOW" and moving in accordance with their physical, mental and emotional circumstances.  Weapons no longer represent totally different ways of thinking and moving.  Instead, they are tools of convenience found in every environment and used to multiply defensive force in a self-defense situation.  Their attention is less on the minutiae of the various details and more on the broader situational awareness of each encounter.  They are able to maximize their force in each balanced movement and transition smoothly from concept to concept as appropriate to the situation.

I can use the example of developing mastery of an instrument (or any other complex motor skill) which also goes through similar stages.  In piano, at the beginning the fingers struggle for every note and chord.  Each hand and finger must be micromanaged to perform the basic actions.  Asynchronous movements are impossible.  At an intermediate level, fluency is enough to play chords and melodies with different hands simultaneously and read music well enough to replicate what is on the sheet.  In the end, their is a freedom of expression unique to the individual and the musician can jam ad hoc to whatever he or she hears or imagines.  The hands move as the mind suggests with a focus on expression rather than rote memorization or replication.  The basics are automatic and the artist is free.

As a teacher, I love the journey that each student is on as they move forward toward mastery.  I look forward to the day when they express their own Kali flow just as I learned to do, no longer bound by what I show them.  Free to be who and how they are.

Pugay Po! 

Rocks First

 Thanks for the inspiration Dave

Too much to do. Too little time. Deadlines. Pressure. Stress. Stress. STRESS.

I went to Dave for advice.  Dave always knows what to do. He's busy too but always seems to have time for me, at least that's how he makes me feel. I bet he makes everyone feel that way. He's direct but very genuine and authentic. I always learn something when I talk with him. 

Dave told me, simply " Rocks First".  I'm sure I looked puzzled as I stared into the camera of my MacBook as Dave smiled at me over Zoom.  What was he talking about...?

He went on to tell me the story.  A college professor challenged his students with a container, some large rocks and some sand.  He told them to fill the containers.  Most of them put a bunch of sand in first.  At the end, they discovered the rocks wouldn't fit.  The professor then explained that the best way to fill the containers is to put the rocks in first.  Then pour sand into the spaces that remain.  If you put the sand in first, there is never enough space for the rocks to fit.

Dave went on to explain that the same logic applies to time management. The big rocks, the important tasks, have to go first. Then the small tasks, like grains of sand, can fill up the remainder between the rocks. I started to understand. Dave told me to prioritize the big rocks and get those done first. Everything else could wait and find space between the rocks.

I began to look at my schedule differently. It's still busy, of course, and probably always will be. However, I do get a lot more done, and it's more of the important stuff.

Thanks Dave.  You...rock.