The Zen Mountain

 

In the past, I wrote various posts about Zen practice and enlightenment, but this is a good reminder in a year where we have all been seeking something, ANYTHING to help ease our suffering. This year has truly been a big challenge to stay focused and positive in the face of a deadly pandemic that is still far from over. It has touched all of our lives in some fundamental ways and we know in the back of our minds the world can never truly go back to what it was before.

This is a time for warriors. When life is easy it is easy to be brave. This is the time that will test us and help us discover new strength, new courage and new compassion as we are forced to remember how important it is to stay connected to each other. This is what we were trained for. Not every fight takes place on a battlefield or in a dark alley. This year has been tough and if you are still standing you deserve to reward yourself. You've earned it. Celebrate your victories, however small.

I understand the importance of workshops, seminars, retreats, sequesters and other special events in the spiritual calendar. These activities can increase our focus and get us prepared to experience a higher level of awakening. Often, they can help us prepare for the next step of our journey, rather like packing a suitcase of essentials. Events can shake us out of routine and give us new perspectives to consider alternative points of view and bring us insight. They are also great sources of fellowship and learning, especially when they involve mentors we don't get to see regularly. For me, the conversations in between the training sessions have been some of the most valuable and precious times of all. 

That said, "going to the mountain" is no substitute for daily, scheduled practice. Muscle memory and spiritual memory too, comes from constant repetition. It is important to practice the techniques until they are effortless. It is just as important to practice the meditation until proper posture, breathing and clarity are automatic. Without this, the practice can never lead to the freedom we seek.

Unlike many other religions, our spiritual practice is a reminder that we have all that we need within us. Teachers and guides can help, but we own our own karmic journeys and our own paths to spiritual growth. "The Mountain" cannot give us anything we did not already have. This ownership is very important because it takes away the excuse of dependency on something external. The Mountain cannot take the place of skipped practices or lack of effort. It cannot replace the daily routine. There are no make-ups or do-overs. 

THERE ARE NO SHORTCUTS.

This is very important because if you imagine there are, you seek them, get distracted and lose time. Once you accept there are not, you are free to put in the real work required to progress and grow. You also begin to fully appreciate the relationship between effort and outcome which is at the heart of good practice. You remind yourself that you can set goals and work at them until your achieve your results, not just in the dojo but throughout your life.

Forgiveness, gratitude, compassion, grace, understanding are all within our capability if we simply surrender to the truth of our practice and follow it diligently. As is often said in Zen lecture "When you seek it, you cannot find it.". The key, of course, is learning to let go.

Use the Mountain wisely, but do not expect it to yield enlightenment. Instead, focus on your daily practice and allow the Mountain to help you help yourself. The Path is not easy but the results are worth it.     

The Importance of Healing

 

We've all been hurt, every one of us.  By words or by actions, or lack thereof, we have all experienced suffering. Sometimes that hurt was caused by ourselves. It's inevitable that we will repeat this cycle again and again throughout our lives. Some wounds of course are more severe than others. In some cases, severe trauma - be it physical or emotional - stops us in our tracks or creates life-altering changes for us or those around us. Remembering such pain can hurt almost as bad as the original experience itself. In some cases, even though the physical pain is long past the emotional pain never really goes away.

As a response to pain, we often try to repress the emotions associated with it. We bury these feelings away and try to move on as if ignoring them would magically make them disappear. The reality is that these pains stay with us unless they are healed. Repressing them, forgetting about them or pretending to be better does not address the root cause and the wounds continue to fester, sometimes forever.

For physical pain, it is your body's distress signal and should always be considered worthy of investigation. Pain is your body's way of telling you to stop whatever it is that caused it, and as such it is important to discover the source and address it.

For emotional pain, too, it is our mind's way of telling us that we need to address some powerful emotions. Left alone, this pain will continue to return again and again. Likewise, it is important to understand the source and heal it properly.

Healing hurts. It takes time. It also requires both patience and courage to spend the time and energy needed to recover fully from injury. This means not aggravating a healing wound. It means taking enough rest to let the body/spirit really recover fully before engaging in the same activities again. Of course, physical therapy, like mental therapy, can help create a good recovery plan. For emotional pain, we need time before we are ready to face certain situations or relationships again and it is important to allow ourselves this time and not cut corners or rush the healing process.

In my case, I carried around the guilt, anger and hurt of being given away into state foster care as a toddler. I carried this pain for thirty years or so and it influenced every aspect of my life, damaging relationships and eroding my self-confidence. It was only through facing it, and facing my birth mother, that I actually began to heal. After so many years it was like the sunshine finally shone on my face again. In the end, she needed to heal, too.

It is not stoic or noble to endure physical and emotional pain. There is nothing "manly" about it. That which does not kill you does not always make you stronger, sometimes it just cripples you. Instead, it is far smarter to work actively on healing so that you can return to balance and find your own peace. It's out there, I promise.

Meanwhile, train as hard as you can.

Handicapped

 

In case you did not already know it, I'm handicapped. When I was a baby my birth mother left me face down in my crib for so long that my left eye failed to develop properly.  It's functionally blind (20/220 or-22).  The condition is called amblyopia and being born premature didn't help either.  I've worn glasses or contacts for my entire life, but actually those are for my RIGHT EYE, which is also bad enough (20/60 or -6.0) that I can hardly see at all without my glasses. It gets a little worse each year and sitting in front of a computer for 60 hours a week hasn't helped (yes, I'm sitting in front of a computer typing this).  Slowly, I'm going completely blind if I live that long.  I love my life and am making the best of it. When that time comes, I will adjust like I have adjusted to every change so far.

I used to drive a car when I lived in America, and I had to swivel my head like an owl to see the left side of the car, since that's literally my blind side.  I drove in the far left lane whenever possible to minimize risk of that blind spot. Now, I don't drive and probably won't again. It's polite to look at people when they speak to you, so if you're sitting on my left you may have noticed that I turn my head fully so I can see you with my right eye. Where possible I try to sit across the table or sit guests on my right so I can see them easier and it feels less awkward for them.

Even though I was more than qualified, for many years I refused to put the blue sign in my car. I refused to use handicapped benefits or parking. I refused to consider myself handicapped.  WHY?

For one part, especially when I was young, I just couldn't accept this label for myself. I didn't FEEL handicapped. I ran and jumped and played like everyone else. I did various sports and could ride a horse, bungy jump, scuba dive, skydive and ride my motorcycle. I could shoot a gun and box and wrestle and fence. I did martial arts. I wasn't handicapped in my mind. I did everything everyone else could do and I resented the idea of a label that would suggest I was any less.  I never (well, almost never) felt sorry for myself or pitied myself and never sought pity from others. Rather, I learned to act with compassion and inspire others to do the same.

I scored highly on the ASVAB test and tried to get into the military after high school just as many of my friends did. Because of my eyesight I was rejected in the physical exam. That's the only time I cried about my handicap. I felt I had let down my country, my family and my friends because I couldn't serve like they did. I continue to have the deepest respect for military personnel and will always wish I could have been one of them. I wanted to do my part.

As I got older, I still rejected that "handicapped" label and refused any handicapped benefits or services. I always knew there were many, many other people who needed that money or that parking spot more than I did. I felt it was better for them to have that support since I didn't really need it. I still think that. I'm grateful that I've been able to take care of myself all my life. Some people can't. There's no shame in it.

Now in my 50s, I am a very public advocate for various handicaps, especially mental illness and especially as it relates to the complex issues of those children who grew up in foster care like I did or who were adopted as children. Many of us suffer not only from physical handicaps but from mental handicaps as well.  Some we are born with and some happen along the way. Some are temporary, others are permanent.

Throughout my life I've been inspired by other handicapped people who have overcome tremendous obstacles to live their best and most fulfilling lives. Of course among them are luminaries like Dr. Steven Hawking but also martial artists like Bruce Lee and Dolph Lundgren, both of whom struggled with various physical conditions yet went on to become legendary martial artists. Many are ordinary people like you and I, that remind me how we can always find a way forward with a positive mindset and a will to achieve. Humans are truly miraculous.

Over time I learned - EVERYBODY HAS A DISABILITY. The only difference is whether or not they recognize it. Recognizing it, whether or not they accept that label and let it define them or whether they seek to find a way to do what they want to do despite it. My physical  and mental challenges never defined me and they should not define you, either.

Martial arts is so wonderful for so many reasons. One of the best is the ability that martial arts training gives us to break free of the limitations placed on us. Martial arts training is for everyone and anyone who wants to improve themselves and go beyond any label placed on them - even by themselves. In the dojo we are all equal and we can all excel to be the best versions of ourselves. In the dojo we can practice being more than we were and becoming who we want to be outside the dojo. It's a place where CHANGE happens.

Train hard. See you at class.

54

 

Yes, I'm 54 years old today.
Yes, that's a photo of Studio 54 in New York back in the day (obviously before social distancing).
I used to enjoy a night out at a disco as much as the next guy... well, maybe even a little bit more. It feels like a long, long time ago.

Some of the things I'm grateful for today include:

• good job (with birthday greetings from our CEO, Bill McDermott! Yay!!) #servicenowstrong
• good place to live (Sweet Home Yokohama!)
• good food to eat (some of it I even cooked myself)
• good health (well, pretty good anyway)
• good family (I am overly blessed in this area)
• good dojo and good students (great, actually)
• good friends (again, overly blessed in this area - thank you for your messages!)
• good books (still reading all your recommendations)

The list goes on and on... I am blessed beyond measure and grateful to all of you who have been part of my success story.

I suffered a fair bit to get here, but still had it better than many.  I fought hard for what I achieved and it has not come easy.  I'm sure everyone who considers themselves successful would say the same.  Many times I wanted to give up, but the love and support of all of you kept me going.  Thank you.  I came into this world fighting and I'm not done yet. I'll keep going full speed ahead until my last breath. I know you would expect no less of me.

I started this journey premature and underweight at the US Naval Hospital in Norfolk, VA.  I ended up in Illinois Children's Home and Aid when my parents divorced and I was placed into foster care at just over one year old.  I have struggled with ADHD, depression and other mental illness and tried (unsuccessfully) to end my life more than once along the way.  I found martial arts and my life mission and achieved my dreams (and beyond) here in Japan. I met and married a strong, beautiful, incredible woman and thanks to her I have the family I always wanted.  Being part of this family is the greatest achievement and honor of my life. I have had more than I ever expected and feel so incredibly lucky.

In time, I forgave others, which allowed me to forgive myself.  I found redemption and peace in my heart after so many years of sadness. I have tried to pay it forward and give back to others in need at every possible opportunity. It will never be enough but I will never stop trying. You deserve my very best every day.

The many messages I receive from around the world, from all of you who took even a moment from your busy day to think of me, make me overcome with happiness.  I feel like my life has had importance and meaning because I've been able to meet you and be part of your story, too.  Thank you for remembering me today.

This year has been the hardest so far.  So much pain and suffering, with every day feeling like a new low. Now, I can see the sun coming up on the horizon. We're going to get through this. Together. I promise.

Thank You.        

For Example

 

A typical 2 hour Kali Majapahit class goes like this:

• Warm Ups - focused on joint limbering and mobility
• Stickwork - single or double stick drills
• Empty hands - could be Kali, Silat, Hakka or others.  Could be knife defense or other topics.
• Boxing or Kickboxing - also some cardio/strength training

We keep busy and the time goes by quickly. In two hours we cover a lot of material.  In general, I use the Japanese method, which means showing a basic movement (Kihon) and then variations (Henka) that we work on, explore, discuss.  My goal is not memorization of specific techniques per se; rather it is about understanding how to apply the body's maximum power via a strong structure, and of course to deny the opponent any opportunity to do the same.

At the beginner's level of understanding, there is only mimicry and trying to match the instructor's movements and sequences exactly.  Everything is either "right" (matching the instructor) or "wrong" (anything else).  There are so many details to remember about footwork, posture, weight shift, rotation of shoulders and hips, extension, focus, breathing.  It is common for students to want to film the techniques so they can try to do them exactly as shown.  They often obsess about tiny details such as which foot is forward, which hand goes where, etc.

Later, as intermediates, students begin to connect the dots more and more.  They begin to see drills and patterns not as absolutes, but rather as arbitrary frameworks or templates used to develop understanding and promote muscle memory.  The basic physical skills start to become automatic and they are starting to conceive of solutions outside specifically what they have been shown and extrapolate movements from one subsystem to the next.  There is a better understanding of distancing and ranges, planes and geometry, their own body position in relation to their opponent, and varieties of options for every situation.

Advanced students are well aware that whatever drills or techniques I show are just for illustrating certain concepts or providing food for thought.  They must explore and express, ultimately using their own "FLOW" and moving in accordance with their physical, mental and emotional circumstances.  Weapons no longer represent totally different ways of thinking and moving.  Instead, they are tools of convenience found in every environment and used to multiply defensive force in a self-defense situation.  Their attention is less on the minutiae of the various details and more on the broader situational awareness of each encounter.  They are able to maximize their force in each balanced movement and transition smoothly from concept to concept as appropriate to the situation.

I can use the example of developing mastery of an instrument (or any other complex motor skill) which also goes through similar stages.  In piano, at the beginning the fingers struggle for every note and chord.  Each hand and finger must be micromanaged to perform the basic actions.  Asynchronous movements are impossible.  At an intermediate level, fluency is enough to play chords and melodies with different hands simultaneously and read music well enough to replicate what is on the sheet.  In the end, their is a freedom of expression unique to the individual and the musician can jam ad hoc to whatever he or she hears or imagines.  The hands move as the mind suggests with a focus on expression rather than rote memorization or replication.  The basics are automatic and the artist is free.

As a teacher, I love the journey that each student is on as they move forward toward mastery.  I look forward to the day when they express their own Kali flow just as I learned to do, no longer bound by what I show them.  Free to be who and how they are.

Pugay Po! 

Rocks First

 Thanks for the inspiration Dave

Too much to do. Too little time. Deadlines. Pressure. Stress. Stress. STRESS.

I went to Dave for advice.  Dave always knows what to do. He's busy too but always seems to have time for me, at least that's how he makes me feel. I bet he makes everyone feel that way. He's direct but very genuine and authentic. I always learn something when I talk with him. 

Dave told me, simply " Rocks First".  I'm sure I looked puzzled as I stared into the camera of my MacBook as Dave smiled at me over Zoom.  What was he talking about...?

He went on to tell me the story.  A college professor challenged his students with a container, some large rocks and some sand.  He told them to fill the containers.  Most of them put a bunch of sand in first.  At the end, they discovered the rocks wouldn't fit.  The professor then explained that the best way to fill the containers is to put the rocks in first.  Then pour sand into the spaces that remain.  If you put the sand in first, there is never enough space for the rocks to fit.

Dave went on to explain that the same logic applies to time management. The big rocks, the important tasks, have to go first. Then the small tasks, like grains of sand, can fill up the remainder between the rocks. I started to understand. Dave told me to prioritize the big rocks and get those done first. Everything else could wait and find space between the rocks.

I began to look at my schedule differently. It's still busy, of course, and probably always will be. However, I do get a lot more done, and it's more of the important stuff.

Thanks Dave.  You...rock.   

Excess Baggage

Most things I worry about
Never happen anyway
- Tom Petty "Crawling Back to You"


It's a bad habit we all seem to have from time to time - taking things far too personally.
Sometimes, of course, we are right and correct to acknowledge problems, feel stress, experience worry or have a host of other negative emotions.  However, many of us revel far too much in feelings of outrage or insult at things that we never even directed at us.  We like to play the victim and dream of exacting revenge for any slight no matter how minor.  In the news I read of a family in Michigan now charged with murder for shooting a security guard that was doing his job telling them they needed to wear protective masks as instructed by state government.  That man is dead (over a mask!) and those people will (hopefully) go to prison forever or be sentenced to death for his murder.

Even if it doesn't lead to violence or murder, we all have plenty of legitimate issues to contend with, especially now.  We are living through a tough time that can only be assuaged by common sense, calm, methodical thoughts and actions.  Panic can literally cost lives, or at the very least make the job of some front line worker harder than it already is - harder than it needed to be.  We all need to make sure we are not hammers looking around for nails.  The world has far too many "social justice warriors" already.

It is right to feel empathy for others, especially now.  However, this does not entitle us to pick up their battles unnecessarily.  As I wrote before, each of us has his/her own journey and we all must fulfill that which is destined for us.  I mine and you yours.  Your positive support and encouragement is not only welcome but necessary - your outrage on my behalf is not.  With your help I'll fight my own battles and prevail.  I promise to help you in your struggles, too.  We all need to focus on fixing ourselves FIRST.  You can't take care of someone else when you're struggling to take care of yourself.

We move so much faster when our burden is lessened.  Don't carry anything you don't absolutely have to.  The journey is long and best traveled light.  Ditch the excess baggage and keep trying hard not to pick up anything that isn't yours.

Keep Moving.

Say The Words

At 18 months old, my mother and father took me to Illinois Children's Home and Aid on Dearborn Street in downtown Chicago and handed me over. I arrived with them and left with my new foster family, who went on to raise me until I was exited from the program at 18.  My story to that point is told here in my birth mother's memoirs.  My foster parents were both over 40 years older than I was.  It's a lot like being raised by your grandparents I guess.

Because of the program, and their infinite patience, I had a roof, clothes and food and attended school.  I was warm at night and in the winter and I even had some toys, too.  It wasn't much, but it was enough.  I look back on my life and I am filled with gratitude to have had so much when others got so little.  Living with the same family for so long it felt real, like I was their real son, even if my name was different from theirs.  I was so unbelievably lucky.  Most foster kids had several homes and many were abused in them, too.  Keeping the same, stable family for all those years was like winning the lottery.

My foster father grew up on a farm in central Illinois and stayed in Chicago after returning from the Second World War where he fixed P51D Mustangs at RAF Leiston as part of 357th FG, VIII FC, Eighth Air Force. He married my foster mother after he met her while working at Royal Typewriter.  He was a very pragmatic man, very sensible, very dependable.  He worked at Argonne National Labs building circuit boards for over 30 years and never complained.  He took all the overtime they offered him.  Despite being raised as a farmer he was very well-read.  Every week he got copies of Newsweek and US News and World Report.  He read the Sunday Chicago Tribune every week and watched Face The Nation every Sunday to understand what was going on around the world.  He could name every country in the middle east on a map and was a conservative Republican.

His father, my foster grandfather (is that even a thing?) was a hard, Irish farmer who died when my foster father was ten, 35 years before I was even born.  Dad grew up watching John Wayne movies in the cinema (no TV back then) and listening to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow on the radio.  His heroes were hardworking and stoic, just as he was.  They never talked about their emotions or feelings.  They never opened up.  They did the right thing out of righteousness, not love.  They sacrificed whatever they had to for you and you were in their debt through no choice of your own.

For my part I tried to do the best I could.  Because of my ADHD I was high-strung, energetic and emotional - too much for such a quiet man to handle.  I had no aptitude for Boy Scouts or other activities he might have imagined and I couldn't play any sports at all.  I was small and weak and had a runny nose and thick glasses.  I was sickly.  I had neither interest nor aptitude for fixing the car or watching the news or fishing.  I'm sad that I was never the son he must have wanted me to be.

He tried to talk to me sometimes.  It didn't work.  Mostly I just talked and he struggled to get even a single word in.  He struggled to understand anything I was talking about.  He couldn't handle my frequent emotional outbursts and tantrums.  After I became a teenager it was rare that we even talked at all, except when he would yell about stupid things like where I had been all night or why people he didn't know called the house sometimes (it doesn't cost anything when people call you, by the way). After he got called to pick me up at the police station he never yelled at me again.  I could feel his disappointment, heavy like a millstone around my neck.

More than anything, I remember that he never said he loved me.  Not one single time.  In my twenties I even asked him one time to say it.  "Just say it", I cried..."why can't you even say it...after all these years??" He had no response.  He never told me he was proud of me for anything I did.  In the end, I guess he did his job and I did mine.  I was so fortunate to have had what I had, how could I even dare to want more?

In his mind, I should have known how he felt by how he acted.  He was still the same Dad who held my hand when I was six as we walked around the block after dinner and who told me about all the stars in the sky, the same ones he looked at when he was my age.  I should have known he loved me because of how he put up with me for all those years and refused to give up on me even after I had given up on myself time and again.  I should have known he loved me because he stuck around even after my real dad didn't.  I should have known he loved me because my foster Mom told me he did, right?  But he could never actually say it.  Not even after 20 years.

I suppose I needed to hear those words more than anything else.  I needed to know that I was loved and that I mattered.  I needed to know that my accomplishments, though meager, were worth his attention.  I needed to feel important and not be forgotten or abandoned like I was by my real parents.  I needed to be needed.

Life went on.  When I was 18 and already a man according to State of Illinois, they moved away to Reno Nevada since my foster Mom couldn't take the cold winters in Chicago anymore.  I saw them when I could afford to go.  After my foster Mom died in 1992 (I was in Osaka) I tried to get back every year to see him in Las Vegas (he couldn't bear to be in Reno after that).  Eventually, my foster brother moved from Florida to take care of him and I bought a house for them and a restaurant for my brother to run.  All those things are gone now, too.  He died at home as he would have liked, just before he would have turned 90.  We scattered his ashes in Reno on a hill overlooking the place where they fly the hot air balloons that my foster mom always thought were so pretty.  I think he would have liked that.

In a way I have been looking for those words ever since.  In the end I found them with my wife and my children - a family of my own.  I found that I could always tell them I love them and how proud I am of all the amazing things they do.  They will never have to guess how I feel.  To them I am an open book.

In these dark times, tomorrow is not guaranteed for any of us.  Please remember to tell your loved ones how important they are.  Tell them how much they mean to you and how much you love them.  Admit how proud you are of them.  Hug them often. Say the words.  Don't be afraid.  Don't forget.  Don't tell yourself they already know how you feel.  Don't tell yourself you'll say it next time.  Do it NOW.  They need to hear those words as much as you need to say them.

Say the words.

Making Changes

This quote really made me think.  Sometimes I'm asked "If you could go back in time, what things would you change?"  After I think for a moment I always reply "nothing".  My life has been many things, but it has not been easy.  I had many problems in childhood and young adulthood due to my broken family, becoming a foster child, constant bullying, physical/mental disabilities and my long-standing anger over believing fate had dealt me a bad hand (based on all the above).  I started working more or less full time (30 hours/week) when I was 14 and have done that for nearly all of the past 40 years.  I paid for my own school from high school onward, leaving home at 18 since my foster parents retired and moved across the country to Reno with me staying in Chicago.  I fought hard for every inch of my life against all odds put in front of me.  I'm still fighting.

In the end, I believe I have accomplished a fair bit, especially given where I started and the low bar set for us foster kids, many of whom are at much higher risk of addiction, depression and suicide.  More than anything, I'm a SURVIVOR.  At almost 54, I feel confident to weather any storm that comes my way and hopefully still deal with the world using love, compassion and empathy.  I have learned to forgive others so that I could finally forgive myself.  That single journey has taken me nearly all of my adult life.

When I think about my past and my experiences, I realize I am who I am because of them.  The pain taught me that I could endure.  The bullying taught me to protect others.  The loneliness taught me to treasure my friends.  The depression taught me to seek peace in my heart.  The foster care taught me about the importance of family.  The physical problems taught me to use my mind first and foremost.  The mental problems taught me to connect to my soul.  Martial arts taught me respect and the importance of making my mind/body/spirit equally strong.  Every painful lesson learned the hard way kept me moving forward.

My GOOD is because of my BAD.  My SUCCESS is because of my FAILURES.

If I took away one, I would lose the other and I'm not willing to do that.
I wasn't always a good person, and I have done much in my life that I am not proud of.  My failures have taught me persistence and hurting others has taught me how much I want to keep them safe.  I learned that we can get lost and still find our way home.  It just takes time.  I have been blessed to be surrounded by the best teachers, the best friends, the best co-workers, the best students, the best family.  This has made me want to be my best, too.  I want to deserve them.

As a parent it's especially difficult.  I want to protect my boys from the many horrible things that life can throw at them.  I want them to succeed again and again so they learn good habits and to take pride in doing their best and achieving their goals.  It hurts me when they fall down.  At the same time, I made it because I learned to take the hits and keep going.  I learned to depend on myself when I couldn't depend on anyone else.  I learned that I am the only one I can be sure will keep my promises.  Falling down so many times made me unafraid of falling.  It made me confident that I would always find a way forward if I kept at it.

I'm not sure I can say with certainty that I love myself...at least not yet.  I know there are many days when I don't love myself (or worse).  I'm working on it.  I think, however, I am content with who I am and the journey I am on.  I resolve to keep going until I simply can't any more.

In the end, I don't have much regret.  Maybe that's the most important thing.

Stay Safe.  Be Kind.

Opening the Can

Well, here we are.  If you had asked me on New Year's Day where I thought we would be in April this is certainly not the place.  Locked up at home, stalked by an invisible enemy that could be hiding in our homes - or even in US - without our knowledge... Famous and infamous alike suffering from a sickness that has yet to find cure or prevention...it's like a Hollywood movie, except it's REAL.  Every day I wake up hoping it will have just been a bad, bad dream.

We are being told repeatedly what we can't do:

• Can't go and meet our family or friends
• Can't go to a bar or restaurant for a meal
• Can't go shopping (except for groceries)
• Can't go to the gym or the dojo
• Can't go to church --->  I REPEAT - DON'T GO TO CHURCH!
• Can't go to a movie
• Can't go to the office
• Can't go on a date
• Can't go on vacation
• Can't buy too much of anything

Language has meaning.  This constant barrage of negativity is stifling and constricting, often making a bad situation worse and nudging us toward depression.  We have all faced hardships before, some of them extreme.  If you haven't, now is your time to shine.  You will remember what happened during these days.  Everyone else will, too.  We will remember how we treated each other.

Instead of dwelling on what we can't do, instead it's time to focus on what we CAN do.  Here are some "cans" you can open:

• Daily meditation - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cLfBgMuv6U
• Daily exercise at home - https://www.self.com/gallery/bodyweight-exercises-you-can-do-at-home 
• Online martial arts class or YouTube channels.  
• Reading books - you know you are behind in your list, right?
• Take an online course - Udemy, Coursera, Khan Academy...my current favorite here.
• Zoom/Skype/Teams your family and friends...virtual happy hour also OK, right?
• Better yet, re-learn how to write a goddamn letter or postcard... bonus points for calligraphy
• Work on your cookery/baking skills --- I Love Jamie!
• Challenge a new eating habit --- IF is very cool.
• Develop language skills --- you can never have enough
• Remind your friends and family how much you love them --- we are all so important to each other
• Write a journal or blog (I've been writing this blog since 2005!)
• Get some sunshine on the roof or balcony - at least open a window or two and feel the spring breeze
• Aromatherapy and incense can help reduce stress
• Hot bath - preferably with bath salts
• A glass of wine... why the Hell not? (in moderation, please)
• Laugh, smile, take a deep breath or two...
• Bake some cookies - give them to your favorite front line teams... better yet, donate!
• Practice LCE - Love, Compassion, Empathy

The list goes on and on.  Add to mine or write your own.
THERE IS SO MUCH WE CAN BE DOING TO STAY HAPPY AND HEALTHY.

It's easy to be happy and smiling when everything is going well.  If you can still be happy and smiling in times of hardship...well, that's when you know you are STRONG.

We will weather this storm, together.  When it's all over we will find a new normal that will be better than before.  We will emerge STRONGER.

See you soon!

Falling Down

"It's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)" - R.E.M.

At this point, much of the world has been shut down to prevent the spread of COVID-19.  Schools, offices, gyms, bars and restaurants and any other "non-essential" services are closed for at least the next few weeks.  Most of us have had our daily routines completely disrupted.  Trapped in our houses and flats with cabin fever, stalked by an invisible enemy that threatens not just us, but our loved ones, especially our older loved ones like our parents and grandparents.  Any of us could unknowingly transmit this lethal disease to anyone else without showing any symptoms ourselves.  It's absolutely terrifying, like something out of a horror movie.  None of us can say how long this will last or if it will ever end at all.  We have only hope.  And each other.

Last time, about 3 weeks ago, I wrote about our training and how it helps.  Since then I've been watching everyone including myself.  Slowly, this situation is wearing us down.  Day by day we sink deeper and struggle harder to keep our heads above water.  We need to understand that many of us may fall into depression, and we need to know how to help ourselves (and others) if we do.

The Big D
The WHO considers depression the main cause of disability worldwide.  Yep.  The MAIN CAUSE.  Affecting more than 264 million people of all ages worldwide.  In the worst cases depression can even lead to suicide and nearly 800,000 people every year kill themselves, making it the second leading cause of death among 15-29-year-olds.  It's that serious.  Depression is nearly twice as common in women as in men, and can affect children as young as 3 years old.  Some small children, due to lack of language skills, cannot express their feelings of sadness to us, making depression in children particularly challenging to diagnose or treat.  Depression can occur anytime we are impacted by major life events and is characterized by feelings of hopelessness and despair for extended periods of time, or  when we perceive a loss of control or the ability to determine the outcomes of our decisions.  Given the nearly unprecedented changes we are facing, and the long duration of these stresses, it is natural that many of us will be at high risk of depression in these times.

What Does It Look Like?
Typical symptoms of depression can include:

• a depressed mood
• reduced interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed
• a loss of sexual desire
• changes in appetite
• unintentional weight loss or gain
• sleeping too much or too little
• agitation, restlessness, and pacing up and down
• slowed movement and speech
• fatigue or loss of energy
• feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• difficulty thinking, concentrating, or making decisions
• recurrent thoughts of death or suicide, or an attempt at suicide

While everyone experiences some of these behaviors from time to time, depression is generally acknowledged when these feelings/symptoms persist for extended periods of time (at least 2 weeks or more).  In some cases, depression can least years.

Now What?
As always, it is important to observe yourself and your behaviors.  Sudden changes in circumstance can result in sudden changes in behavior too.  Keeping track of changes is also a good way to observe trends, and there are many apps available that can help you monitor your eating habits, sleep patterns, energy levels and the like.  Keeping a journal or blog (online or using a notebook) can be a good way to record your thoughts, feelings and emotions for later review.

If you suspect that you might be at risk of depression, especially if you have a history of depression or other mental illness, what should you do about it?

Acknowledge What You Observe
There should be no stigma about mental illness.  It is extremely common and can affect ANYONE.  There is no shame in it, and recognizing the symptoms/acknowledging the situation is the first step toward prevention and healing.

Engage Others Often
It is important to overcome feelings of isolation and disconnection so that we can engage others and talk about what's going on.  When we are depressed we often feel we have no one to listen to us, but in fact even if money is an issue there are various online forums/chats and free dial services that we can use.  Some of these are even anonymous which can help if we feel nervous or embarrassed.  Support groups abound. Get involved, share, be connected.  It's OK to feel down.  It's not OK to not do anything about it.

Plan Daily and Act with Immediacy
Lethargy and lack of motivation are trademark symptoms of depression.  It's good to make plans and routines for every day which include: setting the alarm clock (and not ignoring it to snooze!), interacting with others (even online via video calls), healthy eating (bias toward natural fruits and vegetables) and moving the body.  Here are some great ways to keep active at home: https://www.self.com/gallery/bodyweight-exercises-you-can-do-at-home
Take multivitamins (especially vitamin C, Vitamin D and Omegas) as needed to make sure you have good nutrition.  Make use of your bath daily (epsom salts or other add-ins help too!)  Being at home is a great opportunity to rediscover the joys of cooking meals, and it is good to avoid overusing meal delivery services in favor of making your own where possible.  If you need more skills, there are many, many shows on YouTube that can teach you to make just about anything.  Meditation (at least 15 minutes daily) is also highly recommended for helping to manage stress.  We may be in lock down but if the weather is nice, go out on the balcony or roof for even a few minutes to feel the breeze and sunshine.

Music and Mood
Do make sure to keep pleasant sounds around you throughout the day, especially if your place is too quiet.  Background noises can be comforting music, nature sounds or anything that helps you relax.  Aroma is helpful too.  All 5 senses play a part in what you perceive, which plays a part in how you feel.

Seek Professional Help
If these negative feelings and behaviors persist, especially if they become thoughts of self-harm or suicide, they must be treated as legitimate and serious.  It's important to seek immediate, professional help including hospital/clinic visits if needed.  Depression is often treated with a combination of medication and psychotherapy, which can be very effective. Depression is like any other serious disorder - potentially deadly if left untreated.

In the End
In times of turmoil, it's natural to feel stress.  Make sure to check yourself, and the people around you, to be sure not to be overwhelmed by everything that's going on.  COVID-19 is not the only serious illness out there these days.  Depression is far deadlier.  We can get through this.  I promise.

Stay Vigilant.

IN CRISIS MODE

Wow, it's crazy out there isn't it?  COVID-19 all around us.  Oil price shock.  Stock market collapse.  Panic buying of toilet paper and protective masks, quarantines, the government lying about everything (at least in the US)... Every day seems to bring new and unforeseen challenges.

As martial artists, we might think that our training is just limited to what we learn and do on the mats.  Not so.  We are experienced crisis managers, discovering ourselves through personal experience of danger, risk and uncertainty during our training.  We regularly experience fear, panic and the "fight or flight" response during drills.  We feel (and give) aggressive intent to help each other learn to handle pressure and stress.  We train ourselves, mind body and spirit, to have "a bias for action" rather than standing by like deer in the headlights.  We are active problem solvers who don't give up or give in.  We use all our tools (physical, mental and spiritual) to achieve the best possible outcomes.

We've been through tough situations before including 9-11, SARS and others.  This is not our first time, nor will it be our last time.  However, it's a good time to practice what we preach and be the leaders we know the world needs.

So what now??

My way is to consider three facets:  Physical, Mental, Spiritual.  I try to focus on the following:

Physical
Take Care of Your Physical Health.  This doesn't just mean good hygiene and sanitation, which should be the norm at all times anyway.  It means taking even more care that we eat properly, hydrate properly and get enough sleep.  It means continuing our routine of exercise and training and going about our lives as though the Earth will continue to spin (which I presume it will).  Set specific numerical goals for yourself.  Here are some ideas:

1) Drink at least 3L of pure water daily.
2) Eat healthy foods whenever possible, reduce or eliminate in-between snacks.  Drink non-sugared tea or black coffee when not having pure water.  Reduce or eliminate alcohol.  Use the highest quality ingredients you can afford.
3) Get at least 8 hours of sleep every night.
4) Exercise at least 3 times/week including both strength and cardio workouts.
5) Take vitamins/supplements as needed (multivitamins, fish oils)
6) Enjoy cold showers/hot baths (including Epsom salts) to boost immune system
7) Continue Intermittent Fasting
8) Stretch or do yoga daily
9) BREATHE!

Mental
Mental Health is key in crisis situations.  There is a lot of fear and paranoia involved in times of crisis and we suffer from increased stress and pressure even in everyday tasks and situations.

1) Meditate at least 15 minutes daily
2) Make detailed, rational plans, back up plans and routines.  Set goals at the smallest unit of time you need to to keep busy and active.
3) Communicate and encourage those around you via video calls, emails, chats, etc.
4) despite 3) above, limit technology use especially in the evening so as not to interfere with sleep patterns
5) Use music, aromatherapy and other tools to aid relaxation.
6) Look for and Recognize the signs of mental stress/panic/depression including elevated heart rate, shallow breathing, difficulty concentrating, lethargy.  Acknowledge these when they happen and work to counteract their effects.
7) Limit media to only the most trusted, non-partisan news sources.
8) Take time off work or work from home as needed.
9) Think flexibly --- expect disruptions/cancellations and try not to get upset or overreact.
10) Imagine your daily life returning to "normal" once this is all over, which it will.

Spiritual
A strong spiritual base is a great asset in times of stress.  Use these times to give deeper affirmation to your beliefs.

1) Meditate at least 15 minutes daily.
2) Share and highlight the positive rather than the negative.  Spread love not fear.
3) Continue your daily Tai Chi/Chi Kung/Yoga practice.
4) Exhibit LOVE, COMPASSION and EMPATHY to others as much as you can.  We all need it.
5) Keep your sense of humor.  Laughter is the best medicine.
6) Stay Connected.  Don't allow yourself to withdraw from others.  Be engaged and active socially, even if remotely.  Check in on each other.

This, too, shall pass. 

ALL IN

In Kali Majapahit we spend a lot of time considering body mechanics.  In fact, it's really the truth of what we do and why.  We don't cite the "power of Ki", "divine providence" or any ethereal reason for why techniques work or don't.  Instead we use a very scientific approach rooted in body mechanics, physics and ergonomics.  For each movement, there is an explainable reason why it is done the way it is done, and that reason will hold up to scientific scrutiny.  Said simply, we want to:

1. stay in balance and keep the opponent off of balance ---> control the head/neck/spine
2. use stronger/harder weapons against weaker/softer targets
3. deliver our maximum body weight on impact
4. Protect our vital organs/meridians from damage

When training, we learn to consider how to best apply our body mass to the situation to achieve the optimal outcome with the least possible effort or risk, thereby maximizing our chances in a real encounter.

One of the most critical elements of achieving the above four objectives is to learn to apply the full body weight into each and every movement.  For many martial artists, striking/kicking/locking are "localized" skills, meaning that they are principally delivered using the arms (striking) or legs (kicking) as appropriate.  Even locking techniques are applied using mainly the strength of the arms for leverage and the hips/legs for balance.  In training I often see younger belts operating weapons or their techniques in such a localized manner and commenting that either: A) it doesn't work effectively or B) it's very tiring/unsustainable to do very many repetitions.  Furthermore, when height and weight differences are extreme, such as child versus adult or female versus male the techniques are not effective and lead to frustration and disbelief in their usefulness.

It is precisely those scenarios for which a good understanding of body mechanics and physics is important.  Beyond this academic understanding, fluency in delivering the full body weight on impact is essential for success in any combat art.

This means that we must carefully study the construction of the body as two planes (shoulder plane and hip plane) connected to a central drive shaft (spine) delivering the hips via the Tanden (the center or gravity point located just below the belly button).  Optimally, kinetic energy is begun in the feet by pointing them in the direction of the motion and flexing the knees similarly to engage the body weight.  This energy is continued through rotation of the plane of the hips, which transfers energy through the plane of the shoulders via the spinal column.  Finally, this energy is projected through the hands via the shoulder line and is delivered to the target via the elbows and hands (or potentially through a weapon).  Keeping elbows down and armpits closed helps preserve this energy by keeping the arms clearly connected to the shoulder line and hip line.  For kicking, the hip rotation delivers power through the knees into the striking surfaces of the feet.  For every technique, it is helpful to examine the process of delivering the body weight through the impact tools into the target.  The delivery platform consists of hinges and ball joints (rotators) in the shoulders/hips, elbows/knees and wrists/ankles which can efficiently transfer power from the hips and shoulders when delivered via the spine.

In grappling, power is delivered via the hips which either compress the opponent into the floor (top position) or provide means of escape via bridging, shrimping or other dynamic movement (bottom position).  In locking, power is usually delivered via the back/hips/legs against the isolated joint in order to provide maximum leverage to hyper-extend/dislocate the joint.  In chokes (denying air supply to the lungs) and strangles (denying blood supply to the brain) as well, the main muscle groups used for leverage are those of the back, hips and legs rather than the arms.

In every sport as well, success is measured by the ability of the athlete to deliver the body weight via the hips into the extremities.  Swinging a tennis racket, baseball bat or golf club, throwing a discus or javelin, long jumping/high jumping and swimming are all great examples of the need to use the entire body to deliver sustainable peak performance.

On a separate topic, double stick  drills, hubud lubud and other weapon manipulation mimics musical skills like guitar, piano and drums which require the performer to use right and left hands independently to achieve an integrated outcome.  This has significant implications for brain neuro-plasticity, treatment/prevention of Alzheimer's disease and improvement of various neuro-muscular disorders.  Martial arts training has been proven to aid treatment of Parkinson's disease, ADHD and a host of other conditions.

I strongly suggest training slow enough to see and confirm how the energy is developed through each efficient motion and working on the body mechanics using the entire body rather than the localized part.  This will not only make each technique more powerful, it will allow for longer training sessions without fatigue.  Lastly, it will help develop a critical eye when observing other martial arts and sports since you will train yourself to see how they use their bodies (or don't) to achieve results.

Like everything in life, if it is worth doing, it is worth doing with your full ability (full attention/focus/concentration, full body weight, full intention/commitment) in order to get the best possible outcome.  Learn to go ALL IN.

Consider this carefully.

Twilight

Late on a Sunday afternoon as the sun sets over Yokohama.  Our two dogs are peacefully snoozing on my lap.  The teenage boys are upstairs paying a game together.  My wife is in the kitchen humming while she puts away the dishes from lunch.  Her parents are upstairs listening to music, Beatles tunes softly wafting down to our floor.  I feel content.

This moment will not last.  The dogs are already turning 10 years old, getting old for a dog.  Butch was always calm but he is a bit slower than before, preferring to sleep rather than play, moving from bed to couch and back again.  This summer my oldest son will head to Canada for university, the first extended time away from home he's ever had.  My younger one will follow his own path a few years later.  My wife is every bit as beautiful as she was when we married 20 years ago, but we have both had our scary moments along the way.  Her parents are in their seventies and still active, although far less so in the chilly Yokohama winter.  My biological father died at 62 from a heart attack and although I feel pretty healthy now, the future is out there, waiting...inevitable.

At some point everything I know and love will be gone, as will I.  The brief, fleeting moments we have together disappear just as quickly.  We grow old and die, replaced and exceeded (hopefully) by our progeny who will in turn go on to lead their own lives. And so on, and so on.

I feel a moment of sadness to imagine losing so much.  It's easy to be overcome with despair when we imagine our lives as futile, finally recognizing that we are not all destined to go down in history as Captains of Industry or civil rights icons or rock stars.  When we learn that our lives will not be like those in the movies or on TV and we will not leave behind statues of ourselves in the town square.

What we have, most of us, are a collection of little precious moments strung together like pearls on a necklace.  We have times when we made a tiny difference to someone, when we said or did something that helped.  We were there for each other when needed, to comfort, heal, laugh, listen.  We gave more smiles than frowns and we shared love and tears freely as required.

Tomorrow is never guaranteed, and very few of us wake up knowing that the day will be our last.  Rather than despair, I am so grateful for everything - good and bad - that has brought me here.  I have been blessed beyond measure and every single day forward is just that much more than I ever expected to get.  I am regularly reminded that I am flawed, broken, hopelessly imperfect.  I fail repeatedly and yet somehow manage to move forward.  All I can offer in return is my full gratitude in paying forward for what kindness I have received along the way.

I won't forget this Sunday afternoon - this precious, perfect twilight moment that can never last.  Gone but not forgotten.

Secret of the Pyramids

In this cycle we have started with some foundation drills using double sticks, empty hands (hubud lubud) and boxing.  As we work to develop our skills we can see many ways to increase the difficulty of each drill and challenge ourselves to improve.  In a way, we are working with a pyramid model, where each drill:

1) establishes a foundation skill
2) builds on that skill to add variety, challenge new skills, and deepen understanding
3) integrate multiple skills to achieve mastery

As examples, in the double stick drill Cabca 1-8 for absolute beginners it may be all they can do to remember the stick pattern itself.  Over the period of a few weeks we drill each Cabca on its own and then add it into the sequence until everyone can remember all 1-8 and perform at least the upper body stick movement.  Of course, using the sticks or other impact weapons has some other principles we can learn.  Once we are competent with the sequence, there are a few options for drilling and achieving muscle memory including going up and down the sequence (cabca 1-8 then cabca 8-1), odds and evens (1,3,5,7,2,4,6,8), random patterns, starting from the left side instead of the right side and the like.

As a next stage in the skills pyramid, I encourage students to focus on the precision of their stickwork, and also to use the entire body with proper alignment of the head/neck/spine (HNS).  This means that motion must start at the feet, point through the knees and activate hip rotation before delivering spinal power via the shoulders and arms.  This is also a good time to check the focus of the gaze and make sure the peripheral vision is used rather than looking at/for the opponent's stick.  The overall movement also becomes more compact. This requires some additional practice.

Lastly, performing the cabca while moving forward and backward helps to create muscle memory, as well as an awareness of fighting distance (maai).  Once you can go forward and backward, it is good to practice moving in circles and even to follow the leader randomly, including changing height into deep kneeling stances.

For some drills, like Sinawali 6, adding V-footwork can present a good challenge for coordination and balance.  More advanced students will also practice one-hand principle, complementary principle, hi-lo principle and mirror principle, as well as using the framework to add additional hits.  Of course, the principles of the cabca can be applied using other weapons/weapon combinations and even empty hands.

Filipino martial arts contains many such frameworks or templates such as cabca, sinawali, hubud/lubud, sumbrada and more and using them effectively is the key to developing skills and improving your fluency and flow.  A pyramid approach starting with a strong foundation movement can work for almost any of them if you use your creativity.

Happy Training!