Handicapped

 

In case you did not already know it, I'm handicapped. When I was a baby my birth mother left me face down in my crib for so long that my left eye failed to develop properly.  It's functionally blind (20/220 or-22).  The condition is called amblyopia and being born premature didn't help either.  I've worn glasses or contacts for my entire life, but actually those are for my RIGHT EYE, which is also bad enough (20/60 or -6.0) that I can hardly see at all without my glasses. It gets a little worse each year and sitting in front of a computer for 60 hours a week hasn't helped (yes, I'm sitting in front of a computer typing this).  Slowly, I'm going completely blind if I live that long.  I love my life and am making the best of it. When that time comes, I will adjust like I have adjusted to every change so far.

I used to drive a car when I lived in America, and I had to swivel my head like an owl to see the left side of the car, since that's literally my blind side.  I drove in the far left lane whenever possible to minimize risk of that blind spot. Now, I don't drive and probably won't again. It's polite to look at people when they speak to you, so if you're sitting on my left you may have noticed that I turn my head fully so I can see you with my right eye. Where possible I try to sit across the table or sit guests on my right so I can see them easier and it feels less awkward for them.

Even though I was more than qualified, for many years I refused to put the blue sign in my car. I refused to use handicapped benefits or parking. I refused to consider myself handicapped.  WHY?

For one part, especially when I was young, I just couldn't accept this label for myself. I didn't FEEL handicapped. I ran and jumped and played like everyone else. I did various sports and could ride a horse, bungy jump, scuba dive, skydive and ride my motorcycle. I could shoot a gun and box and wrestle and fence. I did martial arts. I wasn't handicapped in my mind. I did everything everyone else could do and I resented the idea of a label that would suggest I was any less.  I never (well, almost never) felt sorry for myself or pitied myself and never sought pity from others. Rather, I learned to act with compassion and inspire others to do the same.

I scored highly on the ASVAB test and tried to get into the military after high school just as many of my friends did. Because of my eyesight I was rejected in the physical exam. That's the only time I cried about my handicap. I felt I had let down my country, my family and my friends because I couldn't serve like they did. I continue to have the deepest respect for military personnel and will always wish I could have been one of them. I wanted to do my part.

As I got older, I still rejected that "handicapped" label and refused any handicapped benefits or services. I always knew there were many, many other people who needed that money or that parking spot more than I did. I felt it was better for them to have that support since I didn't really need it. I still think that. I'm grateful that I've been able to take care of myself all my life. Some people can't. There's no shame in it.

Now in my 50s, I am a very public advocate for various handicaps, especially mental illness and especially as it relates to the complex issues of those children who grew up in foster care like I did or who were adopted as children. Many of us suffer not only from physical handicaps but from mental handicaps as well.  Some we are born with and some happen along the way. Some are temporary, others are permanent.

Throughout my life I've been inspired by other handicapped people who have overcome tremendous obstacles to live their best and most fulfilling lives. Of course among them are luminaries like Dr. Steven Hawking but also martial artists like Bruce Lee and Dolph Lundgren, both of whom struggled with various physical conditions yet went on to become legendary martial artists. Many are ordinary people like you and I, that remind me how we can always find a way forward with a positive mindset and a will to achieve. Humans are truly miraculous.

Over time I learned - EVERYBODY HAS A DISABILITY. The only difference is whether or not they recognize it. Recognizing it, whether or not they accept that label and let it define them or whether they seek to find a way to do what they want to do despite it. My physical  and mental challenges never defined me and they should not define you, either.

Martial arts is so wonderful for so many reasons. One of the best is the ability that martial arts training gives us to break free of the limitations placed on us. Martial arts training is for everyone and anyone who wants to improve themselves and go beyond any label placed on them - even by themselves. In the dojo we are all equal and we can all excel to be the best versions of ourselves. In the dojo we can practice being more than we were and becoming who we want to be outside the dojo. It's a place where CHANGE happens.

Train hard. See you at class.

54

 

Yes, I'm 54 years old today.
Yes, that's a photo of Studio 54 in New York back in the day (obviously before social distancing).
I used to enjoy a night out at a disco as much as the next guy... well, maybe even a little bit more. It feels like a long, long time ago.

Some of the things I'm grateful for today include:

• good job (with birthday greetings from our CEO, Bill McDermott! Yay!!) #servicenowstrong
• good place to live (Sweet Home Yokohama!)
• good food to eat (some of it I even cooked myself)
• good health (well, pretty good anyway)
• good family (I am overly blessed in this area)
• good dojo and good students (great, actually)
• good friends (again, overly blessed in this area - thank you for your messages!)
• good books (still reading all your recommendations)

The list goes on and on... I am blessed beyond measure and grateful to all of you who have been part of my success story.

I suffered a fair bit to get here, but still had it better than many.  I fought hard for what I achieved and it has not come easy.  I'm sure everyone who considers themselves successful would say the same.  Many times I wanted to give up, but the love and support of all of you kept me going.  Thank you.  I came into this world fighting and I'm not done yet. I'll keep going full speed ahead until my last breath. I know you would expect no less of me.

I started this journey premature and underweight at the US Naval Hospital in Norfolk, VA.  I ended up in Illinois Children's Home and Aid when my parents divorced and I was placed into foster care at just over one year old.  I have struggled with ADHD, depression and other mental illness and tried (unsuccessfully) to end my life more than once along the way.  I found martial arts and my life mission and achieved my dreams (and beyond) here in Japan. I met and married a strong, beautiful, incredible woman and thanks to her I have the family I always wanted.  Being part of this family is the greatest achievement and honor of my life. I have had more than I ever expected and feel so incredibly lucky.

In time, I forgave others, which allowed me to forgive myself.  I found redemption and peace in my heart after so many years of sadness. I have tried to pay it forward and give back to others in need at every possible opportunity. It will never be enough but I will never stop trying. You deserve my very best every day.

The many messages I receive from around the world, from all of you who took even a moment from your busy day to think of me, make me overcome with happiness.  I feel like my life has had importance and meaning because I've been able to meet you and be part of your story, too.  Thank you for remembering me today.

This year has been the hardest so far.  So much pain and suffering, with every day feeling like a new low. Now, I can see the sun coming up on the horizon. We're going to get through this. Together. I promise.

Thank You.        

For Example

 

A typical 2 hour Kali Majapahit class goes like this:

• Warm Ups - focused on joint limbering and mobility
• Stickwork - single or double stick drills
• Empty hands - could be Kali, Silat, Hakka or others.  Could be knife defense or other topics.
• Boxing or Kickboxing - also some cardio/strength training

We keep busy and the time goes by quickly. In two hours we cover a lot of material.  In general, I use the Japanese method, which means showing a basic movement (Kihon) and then variations (Henka) that we work on, explore, discuss.  My goal is not memorization of specific techniques per se; rather it is about understanding how to apply the body's maximum power via a strong structure, and of course to deny the opponent any opportunity to do the same.

At the beginner's level of understanding, there is only mimicry and trying to match the instructor's movements and sequences exactly.  Everything is either "right" (matching the instructor) or "wrong" (anything else).  There are so many details to remember about footwork, posture, weight shift, rotation of shoulders and hips, extension, focus, breathing.  It is common for students to want to film the techniques so they can try to do them exactly as shown.  They often obsess about tiny details such as which foot is forward, which hand goes where, etc.

Later, as intermediates, students begin to connect the dots more and more.  They begin to see drills and patterns not as absolutes, but rather as arbitrary frameworks or templates used to develop understanding and promote muscle memory.  The basic physical skills start to become automatic and they are starting to conceive of solutions outside specifically what they have been shown and extrapolate movements from one subsystem to the next.  There is a better understanding of distancing and ranges, planes and geometry, their own body position in relation to their opponent, and varieties of options for every situation.

Advanced students are well aware that whatever drills or techniques I show are just for illustrating certain concepts or providing food for thought.  They must explore and express, ultimately using their own "FLOW" and moving in accordance with their physical, mental and emotional circumstances.  Weapons no longer represent totally different ways of thinking and moving.  Instead, they are tools of convenience found in every environment and used to multiply defensive force in a self-defense situation.  Their attention is less on the minutiae of the various details and more on the broader situational awareness of each encounter.  They are able to maximize their force in each balanced movement and transition smoothly from concept to concept as appropriate to the situation.

I can use the example of developing mastery of an instrument (or any other complex motor skill) which also goes through similar stages.  In piano, at the beginning the fingers struggle for every note and chord.  Each hand and finger must be micromanaged to perform the basic actions.  Asynchronous movements are impossible.  At an intermediate level, fluency is enough to play chords and melodies with different hands simultaneously and read music well enough to replicate what is on the sheet.  In the end, their is a freedom of expression unique to the individual and the musician can jam ad hoc to whatever he or she hears or imagines.  The hands move as the mind suggests with a focus on expression rather than rote memorization or replication.  The basics are automatic and the artist is free.

As a teacher, I love the journey that each student is on as they move forward toward mastery.  I look forward to the day when they express their own Kali flow just as I learned to do, no longer bound by what I show them.  Free to be who and how they are.

Pugay Po!