Happy Bday to Me - 43

Well, today's my birthday and I am 43 years old. Thanks Mom and Dad for bringing me into the world.

A lot has happened in the past 12 months.
When I wrote a similar message a year ago, I was living in Singapore, just starting my master's degree. I had just gotten my shodan in Yoshinkan aikido in August, and was fully involved in my Kali Majapahit training.

Now I live in Yokohama and work in Tokyo (again). I completed my master's degree (3.566 GPA) and am going back to RYA for Yoshinkan training tonight. I started Muay Thai training this week near Yokohama Station. I am as committed as ever to my Kali Majapahit training, and working on getting my Japan study group up and running so I can develop good training partners. I am checking a location tonight where I can potentially hold weekly practice sessions and my magazine ad should be coming out soon.

I feel very good about myself and my life. Despite some darkness along the way, I kept my job and now it is starting to move forward again. My family are healthy and happy, and survived the move back to Japan without too much trauma.

Tonight I am training, which is the thing I love to do most. Tomorow I will celebrate with my wife and children, the other thing I love to do most.

Today will come and go, and tomorrow too. My life will come and go, and after me will be the impact I have made in the lives of others, and the legacy of my children to do the same. I am committed to my quest to find my own definition of happiness, and I feel closer than I was last year. That is enough for me.

I am looking forward to another year of good training, good health, and good progress.

Why don't you come along?

stay tuned...

Back in the Saddle Again

Well, after returning to Japan on 11 October, I finally got back on the mats to train. Last night was my first class at Japan Muay Thai Center in Yokohama.

It is a short walk from JR Yokohama Station and has good facilities including an actual competition-size ring and a bunch of heavy bags.
They train amateur and pro Muay Thai fighters, as well as running the classes for beginners.

I am planning to go Mondays and Wednesdays from 7pm to 9:45. The classes include warm-up/cardio, an hour of basics (mostly shadow boxing and pad work) and an hour of technique including boxing and kicking and light sparring practice with pads.

The good news is that the people are good, the coaches are knowledgeable, and the other people are very friendly. It is a Japanese atmosphere with the politeness and respect that entails. They are very accepting of non-Japanese, especially if you can comunicate (no problem for me).
The workout is OK, and even though it was my first class, we got straight into the material. They let me fight southpaw, so I can fight right leg forward like we do in Panantukan.
I signed up for a year and will keep reporting on what I do there.

The bad news: I SAY AGAIN -

FRIENDS IN KALI MAJAPAHIT, RECOGNIZE HOW LUCKY YOU ARE.

Two hours plus of Muay Thai training is about the workout equivalent of a single hour of Panantukan class. Within the first lesson, it was clear that I was at least the equal or better than any of the other students, and probably on par with some of the amateurs; despite being among the worst in KM at Panantukan. The curriculum is basic, which is fine, but there is not the carefully structured curriculum or innovative drills we use. Their pad work is amatuerish and oversimplified and the range of tactics even among the amateurs is, well...amateur. Simply, the teaching not wll thought out. It is a club, not a school.

Kali Majapahit and Panantukan offers such a rich learning experience. The difference was clear to me after a few minutes on the mat. Our school and our classes have so much more intensity and pack so much more into the lesson and the training. It reminded me how lucky we are. It should remind you, too.

I will keep training in Muay Thai so I can workout and keep fit, and meanwhile I will dream at night of a KM school in Japan where we can share the very best in martial arts.

Help me make my dream come true.

Withdrawal

Crap. It has been more than 2 weeks since I left Singapore to come back to Japan. Still living in a sea of boxes trying to unpack. Trying to deal with Immigration, the Ward Office, and the bank. Trying to get a credit card again.

Still, the one thing I miss most is...TRAINING.

At the risk of repeating myself; YOU IN SINGPAORE ARE SO LUCKY!!
Our school there is just amazing. The wealth of knowledge we get exposed to from Guro and the teaching staff, the blend of health and personal development in what we study, the pure raw positive energy in the classes...it has been like a shot of drugs - a drug I am missing dearly now.

The restlessness of inactivity threatens to overwhelm me.
This week I am going to check out the Muay Thai Gym near Yokohama Station.
I am also going to unpack my aikido gear and start going on Friday nights to train for my 2 dan in Yoshinkan. I hope to get working on the Japan KM Study Group as soon as possible so I can grow some training partners.

But what I miss most is Kali Majapahit Singapore. There's just no substitute.

• I miss the look of wonder when we see something we've never seen before.
• I miss the look of satisfaction when we know we are better than we were when we walked in.
• I miss the feeling at the end when, exhausted and happy, we finish class and know that we have reaffirmed our promises to ourselves to take control and keep on improving our lives.
• I miss the laughter we have for each other which keeps the mood lighthearted.
• I miss watching the kids class.

I miss the magic.

They say, "you don't know what you have till it's gone". That's a lie. You do.
I am telling you right here. right now. In this blog. Don't take this for granted.
It's special.

Make a commitment to yourself to train as hard as you can.
You will not be disappointed.

Come to Japan and train with me. Help me feel that magic again.
I'll see you all in Singapore again soon. I promise.
Until then, make me proud.

More importantly, make yourself proud.

Back in Tokyo

For those of you who have never been here:

Nothing Else Matters

One of my favortie Metallica songs.
At first I thought it was typical death-metal trash. Then I listened to the lyrics.
You can probably figure out why I like it:

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are and nothing else matters
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say and nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view and nothing else matters
never cared for what they do never cared for what they know but I know
So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are and nothing else matters
never cared for what they do never cared for what they know but I know
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us, something new
Open mind for a different view and nothing else matters
never cared for what they say never cared for games they play
never cared for what they do never cared for what they know and I know
So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No, nothing else matters

Hard Habit To Break

Back in Japan after nearly 2 years in Singapore.

Before leaving, for the final 2 months, I went on a much stricter food regimen, where I stopped having many of the foods that have been so harmful to me throughout my life. Worst offenders have been sodas/sugar drinks, chips/crisps, fast food, table salt and coffee. Readers know that these changes have been very positive for me.

Whenever our routine breaks, whether due to business travel, relocation, significant life events (marriage, birth, death of a loved one) or uncommon stress (loss of job, relationship breakup, final exams) we are susceptible to revert back to old bad habits and lose our awareness as a coping mechanism. We revert to our self-destructive behaviors. For many smokers/drug users/alcoholics this is a recurring theme - it goes well day by day until some big event happens that disrupts the routine. Then it is back to square one.

I argue that it is better to establish healthy routines that are only rarely (hopefully never) disrupted, rather than the reverse, which is the case for most of us. Make your healthy lifestyle your usual baseline, and do your best to be extra vigilant during times of change to make sure good habits are not disrupted.

Make your good habits the hardest habits to break.

Five-Year Old Awarded First Degree Black Belt

No, I am not kidding. Neither, apparently, are they. Read about the story here. I am not sure why this stuff always seems to happen in the USA, but here we are again in the Midwest.

I have no intention to belittle the achievements of a 5 year old girl.
There is a deep discussion we can have about the idea that "nobody gets left behind" and the use of praise and reward in helping children achieve excellence, but that is not the subject of this post.

I also will never shy away from welcoming another lifelong martial arts devotee to the fold. We need as many new evangelists as we can get. Everybody, from McDonald's to the Catholic Church to radical Islamic extremists knows it is best to target children to achieve what IBM called "lifecycle marketing".

However, call me old school (please call me "old school", I LOVE IT), but I think there must be more to becoming a black belt than the memorization/execution of 15 kata.

I have been through this process three times, earning black belts in ninjitsu, iaijitsu/kenjitsu, and most recently, Yoshinkan aikido. In every case, I was measured in the following ways.

1) Technique
remembering techniques and their names is a given. However, techniques must have balance, timing, speed, power, intensity, focus, and the extra special something, metsuke, what Japanese call "eye focus". It is the look of combat intensity which we see in every fighting animal. Anyone who saw Morgane test for black shirt will know exactly what I mean. I am skeptical any five year old can truly have this. Martial Arts are martial for a reason, and I don't think any five year old, no matter how accomplished, can deliver in combat. This is not a ballet class.

2) Maturity
Martial Arts is a victory over the self. This is what takes us to our next evolutionary state and gives us the self-control and discipline we need to become mature - to suppress our doubts, fears, and wants and enable our love, compassion, and selflessness to emerge. I am sorry, but I do not think this growth is possible for a five year old.

3) Leadership
Achieving a black belt is a symbol of leadership. It shows an emerging presence as a leader and mentor in the school and positions the holder as a person who should provide guidance to other students as they also progress. Despite technical excellence, it is hard for a five year old to garner the respect needed to lead others, especially adults. As an example, Maxime drew some reluctant looks at 16 when he tested for his black shirt. It was his extraordinary maturity, high technical skill, and natural leadership which won him the respect he needed to teach.

In most schools, 16 is the absolute minimum for a black belt. I think it should be 18 with only a rare exception for a truly incredible talent. Five years old simply lowers the bar too far.

Disagree? let me know what you think.

Takers and Givers

I wondered what would happen if I tried to divide people into two categories...Takers and Givers.

For Takers, they also seem to need to take from others. It can be almost anything; time, money, energy, love, happiness, dignity, self-respect, harmony, possessions. They just seem to be in a constant state of taking these things from the people they encounter. Maybe some of them are not even aware that they are taking.

For Givers, it is the opposite. They are always giving - many times when the other person did not ask, or even want them to do so. Everyone has been in a situation where someone gave them something that made them feel a bit uncomfortable; something they did not want, need, or ask for.

I would argue that both modalities are predicated by fear.
For the Taker, they are constantly afraid of not having enough.
They worry that they will not have enough food, money, time, love. There is a big hole in their heart which can never truly be filled, and a hunger that can never truly be satisfied.

For the Giver, it is the result of their inherent and unhealthy fear of rejection; they seek a type of "bribery" using physical or emotional capital to try to make sure that they can feel loved and accepted. A Giver might be someone who is dependent on an abusive spouse, and cannot leave no matter how much dignity or self respect he/she has got to give to the other partner. Another example of this would be a woman who has sex with a man she doesn't really love, just so she can avoid the uncomfortable feeling of being rejected, or a friend who pays for the groups' meals just so he/she can feel accepted. It often comes as a set together with Guilt, which is another way for the Giver to oblige the recipient to accept him/her.

It is important to view your surroundings, and you will no doubt find people who exhibit these kinds of lifestyle choices. For both giving and taking, there are healthy and unhealthy levels. At healthy levels, we engage in these behaviors from time to time depending on the circumstance, but not to the degree that it compromises our relationships with others or prohibits our personal growth.

That said, it is a benchmark of our emotional maturity when we can be balanced and neither a Taker nor a Giver. We should try to develop ourselves t0 a level where we are confident in our own skills, and do not depend upon others to validate who we are. This means not trying to manipulate people, but at the same time being comfortable enough with ourselves that we do not depend upon the acceptance of others to be happy.

Take some time observing the behaviors of others and whether or not they are viable that way.
Try to find your own balance.

More blog from Yokohama tomorrow or Monday.