The Power of Healing

Recently I read an account of famed social anthropologist Margaret Mead given by physician and author Ira Byock. Mead was asked what she considered to be the first signs of civilization in a culture. Her answer intrigued me. She said that the first sign of civilization in a culture was a femur (thighbone) that had been broken and healed. She further explained that in the animal kingdom, a broken thighbone invariably means death. You cannot hunt or forage or keep up with the others and so you die. Being unable to fend for yourself, no animal, even in a pack, survives long enough to heal from such an injury. A broken femur that has healed is the sign of a civilization that has cared enough for an injured member to feed and support him/her until he/she recovers. It shows caring and compassion. To Mead this was the essence of social structure - caring for each other. 

I would go even further and suggest that healing is not just about caring for others' physical injuries, but for their mental and emotional traumas as well, which can often be just as debilitating. In the martial arts world, too, we see both extremes. Modern martial arts these days seem to promote "practical and tactical" quasi-militaristic models to prepare their participants for the MMA cage or "urban warfare". Many of them tout their military origins, wearing BDUs and adding firearms and other lethal training methods into their tactical response programs. They often appeal to the fear of their student base by portraying a violent, post-apocalyptic world where each daily commute or trip to the supermarket is a potential fight for survival. Many systems are now incorporating sports science, nutrition and peak performance coaching in their programs in an effort to achieve greater outcomes. To me, none of this is inherently bad. The Martial Arts is a continuum of "Martial" and "Arts" with many points along the curve for each person to choose what best suits him/her.

That being said, I think every instructor has an inherent moral obligation to teach their students to behave in an ethical manner. We should emphasize the importance of right action in the right moment as a means of protecting ourselves and others, as well as recognizing our responsibility to be compassionate and caring to as many others as we possibly can. For example,in the original movie "The Karate Kid", the antagonist Cobra Kai have the motto of "Strike First. Strike Hard. No Mercy", which is used as an example of an aggressive mentality that equates modern social situations with battlefield combat. While looking cool to the impressionable young boys, ultimately many of them discover that the Cobra Kai's moral framework is inappropriate in suburban Southern California. 

In contrast, the movie presents Miyagi-do karate as having "respect for all life" and we see recurring examples of Mr. Miyagi's compassion, even to his supposed "enemies". We viewers clearly understand the moral high ground by the end of the film, and like in most cinema, the better man wins and is rewarded for developing good character as modeled by his teacher. It is interesting to note that both instructors, John Kreese and Mr. Miyagi, were decorated war veterans - Mr. Miyagi receiving the medal of honor in WW2 and John Kreese earning a field commission in special forces in Vietnam. What is clear is that both men, both martial arts masters, had very different philosophies based on their upbringings and wartime experiences.

It is often the case that we are stopped from action by fear. We feel afraid and so we fail to do what we should to defend ourselves or others. Paralyzed by fear we watch as bad events unfold, despite the fact that we could have prevented or minimized them. As Yamamoto Tsunetomo points out in his book on bushido, Hagakure (hidden leaves), the purpose of "living life as though one is already dead" is to provide us the freedom to fulfill our destiny as warriors - not just in service to one's superiors, but in service to all others. Yamamoto is really cautioning readers to work diligently to let go of fear so they can achieve their own greatness.

I firmly believe that respect and compassion are the foundation stones of all good martial arts training in any serious dojo, and those teachings should be at the heart of what we instructors model in our own behaviors and reinforce in our communities. 

 Healing others heals us.

Response to "Epistemic Viciousness: Taking Martial Arts Seriously"

 

Yesterday I shared the above article, https://chinesemartialstudies.com/2020/08/31/epistemic-viciousness-taking-martial-arts-seriously/, with our broader instructor team and some of them mistakenly thought I wrote it. Of course I'm flattered, but it was not mine. I merely submitted it for discussion since there are numerous interesting themes mentioned. The article itself is a response to an editorial piece from the South China Morning Post (SCMP), cited here (paywalled, sadly).

I will do my best to respond to the points raised, and I hope you will share your views in the comments as well. As martial artists, we should never shy away from discussing the issues that involve our training and teaching, in the hopes that we can be better informed and deliver more for ourselves and our students.

The "Value" of Traditional Martial Arts Practice

The original editorial article laments the seeming ineffectiveness of traditional Chinese martial arts in favor of more modern expressions such as MMA and Krav Maga, mentioning that the traditional approach does not allow for independent thought or scientific method by the students - instead requiring a cult-like acceptance of anything the Master says as being true and unquestionable.  Compared to modern arts, in traditional dojos there is a decidedly militaristic quality in traditional practice, with lots of ritual and formality coupled with rigorous discipline and respect for authority, especially for instructor ranks. By contrast, modern combat sports like MMA and Krav Maga (even Judo, BJJ, boxing and Muay Thai) can sometimes feel more like a gym cardio kickboxing workout than a martial arts class.

So if traditional martial arts do not easily defeat these modern systems in a fight, what is their value? Are they even worth studying anymore?

As a 40-plus year student and teacher of both traditional and modern styles, I feel both have merit. I would absolutely say that my formative time in traditional Japanese martial arts dojos from age 14 onward was invaluable to help me become who I am today and I see these arts as more necessary than ever, especially for young people. Why?

First of all, I categorically reject combat success as the sole objective of martial arts training. Rather, I would say if your principle goal is to be able to defend yourself/injure others in a fight you are far better off arming yourself with a weapon than studying martial arts. The learning curve for most people to survive a real fight is long and, depending on the encounter, chances of success are limited even then. This is without even addressing the idea that modern combat sports are just that - sports. Yes, a trained boxer can injure people. So could a trained rugby player. It is a particularly foolish assumption to suggest that victory in combat sports (with rules) equates to successful combat performance - even for Krav Maga (unless you are in the Israeli military) or LEO training. Empirical evidence shows that some proper training does help, but does not even remotely guarantee success in a violent encounter. Additionally, combat sports have a very poor track record in court for those who use them indiscriminately. Without a deep awareness of the law in each jurisdiction, injuring someone in a fight will get you arrested, sued and potentially land you in prison. This is not worth it unless violence is absolutely unavoidable. Furthermore, teaching combat sports to children/young adults requires extreme care, since a lot of moral judgement is required to know when it is OK to use these techniques and when it isn't. Even if a young person might not go to jail for delivering an elbow to a classmate's face on the playground or pitch there are still serious repercussions (including emotional trauma) for doing so without clear justification. 

Discipline and Respect for authority are important skills for becoming a successful adult in modern society. As a person who has spent more than 30 years living in Japan, I can attest that it is useful to understand how to create harmony inside and outside the workplace, and to learn to establish and strengthen relationships both upward and downward (senpai and kohai). My time in the dojo helped me develop universal respect - respect for myself, respect for the other students, respect for the seniors/instructors, respect for the traditions/history of the art. This was never done out of fear, guilt or negativity, but rather by encouraging a sense of belonging as part of an organized hierarchy - something the 14-year old me was desperately yearning for. My teacher knew how to motivate me outside the dojo as well. If my grades were low or I got in trouble, or if my foster parents complained he would simply not allow me to train for a while. That was enough to get my total compliance. My behavior and grades improved dramatically and, during a time when most teens are rebellious, I was able to maintain healthy relationships with my parents and others. I think it is also worth noting that modern combat sports often emphasize the individual player over the group. Matches are 1:1 and sparring is central to the training. In traditional schools, the organization and hierarchy are very important. In a very traditional dojo, a member is not even mentioned in the dojo record until they are instructor level. One's place in the social fabric must be earned through training and interaction, not just by fighting skill. 

I spent my first 7 years training in ninjutsu, including both taijutsu and kobudo, eventually becoming familiar with all the weapons we used. Weapons training as well, increases focus/awareness and develops respect for the inherent danger to yourself and your training partners. After my initial 7 years, my teacher sent me to another master for specific work on kenjutsu/Iaijutsu, as I requested. This involved long hours of suburi and seiza for conditioning, as well as practice cutting (tameshigiri) with a variety of traditional weapons on his farm in Indiana. In addition, I am sure for every hour on the mats I spent at least another hour or more studying. My teacher's curriculum was based on both pen and sword, meaning that I was required to study military history (especially Japanese), large and small unit tactics, politics, philosophy/spirituality and more. I was also required to range certify with pistols (automatics and revolvers of multiple calibers) and shotguns (pump-action and semi-auto). I wrestled in high school and fenced in college. By 23, after nearly 10 years of study in traditional dojos, I am certain my killing skills were at their peak and at least the equal of anyone having done combat sports. Fortunately, my teachers instilled in me a very strong moral compass and the responsibility to know that my training was only ever to protect myself or others in times of great danger, not for tournaments or sport.

In the 80s and 90s I enjoyed the study of Aikido very much, including Aikikai, Takeda Ryu Akijujutsu and finally Yoshinkan in the 2000s. As I have written before, I do not consider these to be combat arts per se, but their foundation improved my sword work and every other aspect of my martial arts to this present day.

I fully believe this training, since I was 14-years old, is the reason why I have been successful in my life and overcome every challenge I have faced. I was able to develop discipline, self-confidence, awareness, universal respect and self-control. I became part of a community and developed lifelong relationships which have supported me mentally and emotionally for decades. As an instructor, I have been able to pass this gift to hundreds of other people and try to help them find the courage to become the best versions of themselves. I haven't had to kill anyone yet, and I actually abhor violence. Because I am confident, I do not feel the need to escalate an encounter or fight due to fear. My martial arts is there if it is needed to defend myself or others, but I have gotten so many benefits apart from fighting that I can safely say it has been the best investment in myself I ever made. I am filled with gratitude and use every opportunity to pay it forward for others.  

My point here is that martial arts is exactly that: Martial and Art. Each person must find the training that matches his/her goals - balancing the martial aspect and the art aspect to deliver the right outcome. As parents, we have to be sure that the instructors we trust are preparing our children to be good quality human beings rather than gladiators. This means learning focus and goal-setting, balance and coordination, respect  (especially self-respect) and discipline, self-control and anger management. A good dojo promotes curiosity and discovery, as well as leadership and initiative. It means fostering a community of positivity and a support network which will help each student have a smoother transition into successful adulthood - becoming the person they truly want to be.

About Kali Majapahit

I began my Kali Majapahit journey in Singapore in 2008. I was fortunate to meet the founders, PG Fred Evrard and Guro Lila Evrard, and have been training with them ever since. Kali Majapahit was intriguing for many reasons. As the name implies, it is a blend of many sub-systems (including Hakka Kuntao, Silat, Kali Sikaran and Inayan Escrima) found throughout the Majapahit empire and is taught within the broader framework of Filipino martial arts. The art is comprehensive and includes all ranges and tools (empty hands, edged weapons, impact weapons, improvised weapons, locks and grappling). After 15 years, I am still learning new things all the time.

The pedagogy is anchored in positivity, seeking a balance between physical, mental/emotional and spiritual development. This ensures that students develop the correct moral and ethical framework as a part of the training. The techniques are taught through patterns, drills and templates, but students are very soon challenged to apply the concepts they are taught through discovery, rather than just mimicking what the instructors do. There is sparring (empty hands, training knife and foam stick), with an emphasis on safety and learning how to respond under pressure.

Kali Majapahit has allowed me to express my full and authentic self as a martial artist without ever limiting me. I draw from over 40 years experience (25 years before starting KM) which enriches what I can discover and share with my own students.

Most importantly, Kali Majapahit was designed to grow and evolve. As PG Fred Evrard has often said, "I wrote the first pages and chapters. It is up to all of you to write the rest". Inherent in this mandate is that we must question all we have been shown or taught. We must learn and research on our own, rather than just accepting what we are told at face value. There is no magic, voodoo or chicken blood. What works in KM works because of the good science behind it - physics/geometry, body mechanics, ergonomics, psychology, philosophy. 

Traditional arts are beautiful and timeless because we can honor the lineage that has handed them down generation after generation. That said, many of them have become watered down and the deepest aspects of their teachings have been lost over time. The techniques have often been made "safer" for training to help avoid injury in class, adding breakfalls and other safeguards to the practice. Moreover, many of them have failed to adapt to the changing requirements of society and become inappropriate for modern times (most of us do not carry a katana during our daily commute). Some of this gives them romantic appeal (Bushido) but at the cost of relevance for modern self-defense. By contrast, the KM curriculum is under constant review, with updates generally happening more than once every year. There is a feedback loop to understand and improve the result of each topic, and many of us in the global KM community are conducting ongoing research to add to the body of knowledge we share.

In Conclusion

In conclusion, I am not explicitly saying Kali Majapahit is the answer to the author's criticisms of traditional martial arts, nor suggesting it is inherently better than other available combat sports.  Taught well, almost any martial art can be effective for any combination of martial and art. However, I am saying that a good dojo will take the best of both traditional and modern elements in order to find an approach which offers the benefits of social structure and organizational hierarchy as well as the evolutionary feedback loop in order to give students of all ages and levels the most comprehensive training experience.                

Choosing a Bokken

 

(thanks for the inspiration Matsu)

It is said that "a master reveals himself in every action." This means that when we observe a master, his/her actions are consistent in every aspect of life. Each daily activity is subject to reflection, observation, consideration and worthy of a constant focus. A true master observes himself/herself constantly, seeking to understand in order to improve. It is the constant scrutiny of an examined life that yields the deepest insight and meaning. The awareness of every moment is the cornerstone of mindfulness.

About 20 years ago, a close friend approached me for advice. She had enrolled in Japan Action Enterprise, Shinichiro "Sonny" Chiba's legendary stunt training school, which produced dozens of stars for live action samurai dramas (called "Chanbara"), superhero shows and other events. As a former gymnast/dancer, she already had the physique and movement skills. She was excited to learn lots of new things, including the sword fighting skills. As a guy known for having trained Iaijutsu/Kenjutsu extensively, she asked me for help in choosing a bokken (wooden sword) for training. I obliged.

Together we went to Suidobashi in Tokyo, a place famous for martial arts gear shops, particularly kobudo and kendo gear. This was the best place to find a suitable bokken. There were many lengths/sizes to choose from. I explained about the types of wood used and the types of training typically done with each variant. In the end, she approached me with one, handed it over and said with a big smile "I like this one." It felt like a pair of chopsticks...thin, flimsy and very. very light. I asked "Why this one? It's so light?" She looked at me as if I was stupid. "I like this one just because it's very light!"

In that moment, I saw that she and I were very different. 

I remembered my initial training in Japanese sword and choosing my first bokken during the summer of 1980 when I was just 14 years old. My teacher took me to the big martial arts supply store in downtown Chicago and made me choose, just as I had made her choose. I brought back a bokken that felt like a tree trunk and weighed like a telephone pole. It was far too heavy for me. My teacher smiled. I thought he might have been quietly proud of me. I chose that one specifically because it was solid and heavy, hoping that swinging it 10,000 times would make me strong. It did. Since then, I always choose the heaviest tool in the box.

As martial artists, it is wrong to seek shortcuts or easy ways out. In the end, we come to the dojo to practice, we join martial arts to train. The harder the training, the stronger the warrior. The more we cry in the dojo, the more we laugh on the battlefield.

Sometimes in class, I see students try to cheat the drills, not going deep enough or pushing hard enough. I see them holding back or keeping their strength in reserve. Sometimes they don't believe in the technique or in their own skills.  As a teacher, I feel it is an important part of my job to get students to appreciate the intensity of the session and face their hardships with a smile. I hope the students will understand that the deeper they go the stronger they will become. I'll support them all the way.

It is the challenges that help us become the best versions of ourselves.

Choose the heaviest bokken. You'll be glad you did.

Kyosaku

 

(thanks for the inspiration Guro David)

Much of Buddhism is misunderstood. Especially when it comes to Zen Buddhism and Esoteric Buddhism, casual observers tend to pick and choose their favorite tidbits and ignore the rest. Often, Buddhism gets reduced to pithy catchphrases in science fiction movies or spouted from white-bearded Chinese kung fu masters. The kyosaku is sometimes attributed to physical abuse of the initiates, as if the teacher is clubbing them with a baseball bat (or threatening to do so). The reality is very different.

Many of us come to Buddhism seeking peace and tranquility, hoping the seated practice will yield a sense of "centeredness". Very soon, we realize that seated practice in Zen is really hard work. Emptying the kind is difficult. Being patient is difficult. My original teacher in Zen Buddhism, at the Japan Cultural Center on Belmont Ave. in Chicago circa 1985, used to say that if properly done Zazen should leave you pouring with sweat. In the Zen world, peace is hard-earned indeed.

While seated, the legs tire, the mind wanders, the posture slumps, fatigue sets in, we lose our connection to the NOW...focus becomes, well...unfocused. The kyosaku is an important tool in the training.

Usually, the kyosaku is employed by the teacher to help sharpen up the students' focus as they sit. When a student feels themselves waning and unable to recover, they bow forward as the teacher approaches. The teacher bows back, and sharply strikes the space between the shoulder and neck with a quick tap from the kyosaku. The sudden shock causes no injury whatsoever, but jolts the student back to focus. The students are asking for help to refocus. They want it. 

In Kali Majapahit, we do not employ the kyosaku nor anything resembling it. That said, sometimes students need a "reset" to refocus for the remainder of the current drill or next activity. Using our words properly, we can shock the students back to the present moment and present engagement.  It is our job as teachers to help the students when they need it so they can remain high energy/high focus. Rather than spikes and dips, we try to keep the engagement and energy level at a consistently high level throughout by changing drills/partners/activities, giving feedback, challenging and gentling bringing each student out of their comfort zone. As Guro Fred often says, at the end of class we want them to be sweaty, smiling and satisfied.

Outside the dojo too, various distractions can occur that can keep us from staying focused on our goals and moving forward. There is a time for rest, of course, but not just because you are unable to stay on task. Each of us have (or should have, anyway) a thing we do to get our focus backup and remain engaged in the activity at hand. I stand up, stretch, and look out the window for a moment. In the worst case, I go take a cold shower to refresh myself. That always works for me.

What's YOUR kyosaku??  

   

The Peg

 

(thanks for the inspiration SC)

Pachinko is one of the strange phenomena which many people associate with Japan. It's a gambling game where you launch a bucket of small steel balls one at a time into a vertical board where they bounce off an array of pegs on their way to the bottom. If they land in certain channels or holes, you score points and redeem more balls which can then later be exchanged for prizes or money. It's loud and has bright flashing lights and the shop has fast techno music blaring - a total sensory overload. Like slot machines, some people are addicted and play them often, some even daily.

While I am no fan of pachinko and no advocate of gambling either, pachinko makes an interesting metaphor for life as a martial arts teacher. Last night after class we were talking on the train ride home and I shared the history of KM Japan, now 12 years old and counting. During that time many students have come, stayed and gone. New students are joining all the time. We have a wonderful, supportive community of people who are positive, supportive and energetic. We're changing our lives, together.

What about those who left? Everyone has a story and a reason. Some left because of their jobs or families. Some left to pursue other dreams or do other martial arts. For the most part, students who have left are always welcome to return if/when the path brings them back to us.

I began to think of my role as that of a peg on a pachinko board. As you can see from the photo, the board is filled with many pegs or pins. When the ball strikes a peg, it will be deflected right or left as it continues its linear journey to its final destination. The peg may encounter the ball for just a split-second, but its trajectory has been altered. Of course, the ball would have traveled very differently had the peg not been there. On the way down, the ball will strike a variety of pegs and have its trajectory changed multiple times before it gets to the bottom. Math people will recognize it as a multiple-step binomial stochastic. The fun (if you consider it fun) of pachinko is the seemingly random path the balls take. However, an expert will tell you the path is not entirely random and that striking certain key pegs helps to determine the odds of landing in a particular desired spot. Each peg has a role to play and is not responsible for anything other than the impact of the ball it must cause. The pegs cannot keep the ball, nor chase after it once it passes by. There is no worry if the ball doesn't strike a peg, since other balls will inevitably follow.

I do not own the journey of my students. They do. It's all I can hope to be a peg in their boards at the right time for them to be redirected by meeting me, hopefully to a better place in the future. I have bounced off of many pegs on my way here, and I am still in motion. Likewise, many steel balls have bounced off me in the past 12 years, and I hope many more will come to me before my time is over.

If I do my job well, I can be a catalyst for change. I can be the peg in the board that changes the direction of the ball toward something better. Combined with all the other influences, I can be a part, even a small part, of that ball reaching a desired destination and achieving success (the metaphorical prize at the bottom).

Like so many things in life, you can't win if you don't play.

See you at class!

   

Save Me

 

(Thanks for the inspiration Dancing J)

Growing up, I knew I would never have the same kind of life as other kids. I was a foster kid from a group home, an ethnically Jewish kid ironically raised by foster parents who were German Lutherans (nee Schultz) and Irish/English Catholics (Leonard) in suburban Chicago. I had a bed, a roof, some clothes on my back and food on the table. It wasn't much but it beat the hell out of being in a group home. I heard from other fosters about the horrors that took place in group homes, and I was (and always will be) grateful to have been spared from it. I was so lucky to have the same foster family for nearly 18 years - the whole program.

My foster parents, Charles and Dorothy, were 40+ years older than me and not prepared to handle a kid born premature, blind in one eye, and with ADHD. Along the way I caused a lot of suffering for them, which I deeply regret, but they never gave up on me, my foster mom didn't, anyway.

For much of my childhood, several times a week I was picked up off the playground in front of everyone and whisked away to Illinois Children's Home and Aid on Dearborn Street downtown to see my caseworker, just as if I had been abducted by aliens. I would be returned that night, looking the same but feeling "different" after having them poke around my head and trying to get me to articulate my "feelings" about having been abandoned into foster care at 1 year old. At school, the other kids treated me badly and I was bullied mercilessly/continuously for being different - for being a little, runny-nosed kid with a big mouth, thick glasses held together with masking tape. They said I was being taken to a secret lab and "experimented" on... not so far from the truth after all. None of my many faceless caseworkers or social workers did me much good. Mostly I just wanted to be left alone.

 

At night I dreamed of being far, far away --- somewhere, ANYWHERE where I wouldn't have to endure the life I was given. I imagined my real parents swooping in to take me back to the better life I thought I deserved. I imagined them loving me and wanting me. I have never stopped imagining it, even to this day. There is nothing more cruel than allowing a child to feel unloved or unwanted.

More than anything, I wanted someone to save me. I wanted to be saved from the heartbreak, the emptiness, the loneliness, the broken promises, the hopelessness. I wanted to be saved from the kids who bullied me. I wanted to be saved from my thoughts, which drifted toward suicide so often. I wanted to be saved from myself before I did something...permanent...in order to escape. No one ever came.

At 14, I started working full-time (Teddy's Hot Dogs) while I kept going to school. I paid my own high school fees and bought my own textbooks. At 18, I completed foster care and Cook County freed me to be my own legal guardian. My foster parents moved across the country to Nevada and I stayed on my own in Chicago, renting a room at a friend's house.

After high school, with no money or prospects to go to college I worked full time, driving a forklift at a warehouse. I was 20 years old making $5.10 an hour but it was honest work. I'd look in the mirror and wonder if this was really all there was. Again, I was hoping someone would save me. I wanted to be saved from the boredom of an average life. I wanted someone to tell me how it was going to get better and when. I wanted a life plan.  Again, no one came. The days passed.

After two hard years I had saved up enough money for a class at community college (College of DuPage). I was pretty sure I'd never get a degree or be able to afford to continue going but it was a start. I sat in the parking lot and cried with joy at Introduction to Psychology (April 1987) which for me was a symbol of my hopes and dreams for my future taking shape. Somehow, I kept scraping together enough money to go and take more classes. Since the classes I wanted/needed were during the day, eventually I had to give up the warehouse and get a night job. I learned to bartend by going to a three-month bartending course over the summer and started working nights and going to community college during the day. With good tips I was able to afford my little apartment, a running car and my classes. The bar had free employee meals which kept me in food and drink (whenever I was working).

Fast forward to today - at 56 I have lived and worked in Japan for well more than half of my life - since I was 24 years old - 32 years and counting. I finished college entirely self-funded and graduated with a 3.54 GPA and a dual BA degree in International Business and Japanese, while working full-time. I went on to get a Masters of Science in Finance degree from Baruch College, CUNY (also self-funded and also while working full-time). I have worked for the very best companies in the world including Canon, Lehman Brothers, JP Morgan, Thomson Reuters, Salesforce, Microsoft, ServiceNow and even worked on both sell-side and buy-side in capital markets. I got married, bought a house and raised a family. I continued my martial arts journey, ultimately becoming a teacher as well as a lifelong student. I have visited more than 50 countries (and counting) and mastered one of the most difficult foreign languages for westerners to learn (Japanese), ultimately becoming a translator/interpreter and editor as well.

All the dreams I achieved in my life (and more) happened because I was saved (no, not by Jesus Christ). 

I was saved by…myself.

After spending so many years waiting for someone else, I very painfully learned that no one was coming. My parents weren't coming to get me. Nobody was coming to show me the way. No job was looking for me to be a senior executive. The Emperor of Japan didn't send me an engraved invitation. The school didn't give me a full academic scholarship. No beautiful, rich heiress came knocking on my door to take me to live in the Caribbean. Nothing. Silence. Emptiness. Just...me.

The day I realized this was probably the worst day of my whole life. The sadness and darkness consumed me. I have never felt more alone, never been more scared. The walls of my little room closed in on me until I was sure I would be crushed. I couldn't sleep and suffered from nearly constant panic attacks and crippling anxiety. I was paralyzed by fear. I didn't even know where to begin. I was sure I would fail.

Likewise, the day I realized this was probably the best and most important day of my whole life. Despite the fear, I was free. I no longer needed to wait for anything or anyone. I knew they weren't coming, so I simply got on with the business of living. I made my plans carefully, step by step, because I knew I had no backup, no plan B if I failed. I came to Japan in 1991 (4th attempt) and left everything behind. There was nothing to go back to if I didn't make it. I took risks, but always when I felt the odds were heavily in my favor. I couldn't afford to lose. Knocked down again and again, I always got up and kept going. I knew there would never be someone to pick me up. I would have to do it myself. Painful as it was, I always managed to keep moving forward, inch by inch. Say what you will about me, I think I am probably the world's most stubborn bastard and that has helped a lot.

I am no saint, no angel. I am no superhero or demigod. I am no Bodhisattva. What I did anyone could do. Many have done far better. My only advantages were being unafraid to work hard, and recognizing early on that I would have to do it myself. This saved me a lot of time. Once I stopped waiting, the days became busier but those inches added up to a life I am grateful for and a set of experiences I treasure. In retrospect, a few things I would advise:

• Do not depend on your family for an inheritance or a life of ease and luxury.
• Do not depend on your teachers to give you all the answers.
• Do not depend on your employer to give you skills or a career or imbue you with wealth.
• Do not depend on the government to give you health or support in your old age.
• Do not depend on society to look after you or defend your rights.
• Do not depend on those around you for your success or support when things get really bad.
• Do not depend on your partner for your self-worth or happiness.

Look deeply into the mirror at your greatest ally, your BFF, your rock of strength. Look at the one who can take you where you want to go. Look and see your savior. Your champion. The one you've been waiting for. YOU.

You got this.

TWA

 

If you asked me to sum up the key objective of training in martial arts in a single word it would be: 

ALIGNMENT

Alignment between ourselves and others. Alignment with our beliefs. Alignment in our lifestyle. Alignment is often called "balance" which many of us are seeking (and need desperately) in our lives. So does one achieve alignment?

Like most things, it starts with the self. We must align internally before we can align externally. In this case, the alignment I'm looking for I call TWA.

Thoughts

Words

Actions

TWA operates like a chain reaction of cause and effect: thoughts lead to words which cause actions. This works in both positive and negative directions. In a positive way, a change in mindset can lead to re-framing descriptors for our goals and then to specific sequences of daily actions needed to achieve them. On the opposite side, negative thoughts are often the first step toward loneliness and despair. These thoughts become negative words which may, in extreme cases, lead us to negative actions of self-harm or casing injury to others.

So, where to begin?  With the thoughts.

Aligning the thoughts means to anchor ourselves firmly in a positive mindset. It means  being committed to personal integrity and to focus on the good in things (ourselves and others) rather than seeking fault or blame. Alignment takes us out of the victim mindset and puts us in the victor mindset, reminding us of our possibilities rather than our limitations. Visualization can show us a better version of ourselves and help us understand who we want to become - a better version of ourselves. Imagining is the first step to becoming. If you can dream it you can do it. Daily meditations/affirmations are useful here. Good training in the dojo should help us develop a positive, challenging mindset and a good dojo should have a warm, healthy, happy energy among all the students and instructors.

Our thoughts give birth to our words. Since words bridge the gap between thoughts and actions, they can be considered the most important part of success. Making our thoughts into tangible, quantifiable ideas requires us to describe them, however the specific language we use to do so is of utmost importance. NLP, neurolinguistic programming is one of many sets of techniques designed to help us understand and improve ourselves through analysis and enhancement of the words we use. Using negative words about ourselves and others (written, spoken or otherwise) is emotionally harmful and limits our potential. As we are all too aware, words can be very damaging, to ourselves and others, and very hard to erase once they manifest. Even if sometimes negative thoughts emerge, good Zen practice helps us become able to let them go before they become specific words. In the dojo, it is good to deeply focus on using positive and empowering language to help enforce the supportive intentions of the dojo community. Negativity and guilt are tools of manipulation and do not belong in martial arts training.

Lastly, actions tie it all together. Without actions, all the well intended thoughts and words disappear without effect. In the end, we must execute on them and that takes courage. Standing up for ourselves and for others; lifting up ourselves and others is the central and highest mission of the martial arts. We should strive to be the positive and empowering spirit, voice and hands of others when they need us. When we embody the true spirit of martial arts, our positive energy brightens everywhere we are. Our encouraging words uplift those around us and provide comfort in the face of hardship. Our actions allow others to feel safe around us and position us as change makers. Constant, diligent training develops assertiveness, not just for ourselves but for others (once we become instructors). Our black belts, once worn, are with us every moment of every day, and that responsibility should motivate us to push as hard as we can for our alignment.

It is said that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. The thoughts and words can get you to the starting line, but in the end it is the step that will get you going on the way to your goals. Discipline and repetition require courage to let go of the old, negative habits and replace them with newer, healthier positive ones. Change needs bravery.

I think that in some way my entire life has been connected to trying to align my TWA. I'm still working on it, but I believe I am more consistent than before. Day by day, with focus and awareness, I try to improve on this point until the day when I am always aligned. No matter how long it takes, for me this is the most important achievement.

See you at class.   

Me Becoming Me

 

In Philosophy, it can be said that the most important question we can ask is "Who am I?" This question makes implicit that human beings are (we think) unique in our ability to be self-aware; that is, to recognize that we exist in a greater environment than just one of our own immediacy, the current moment and current surroundings. We can understand our past and plan for our future. With training, we can even begin to realize that we are more than our superficial flesh and bone selves. As Pierre Teilhard de Chardin elegantly stated, "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience." Who we are is such an important question, that it deserves to be asked again and again throughout our lives, since who we are is not static. We change, and this question is critical for understanding, and hopefully guiding those changes to be positive experiences for us. It is an important question to repeat, since we are not always truthful with ourselves, and iterations of this question often yield different results that can help get to the real truth where our thoughts, words and deeds are consistent.

Armed with our self-realization, Man has enthusiastically continued to search for meaning, attempting to explain not just our physical world, but cosmic and spiritual ones as well. We long to understand the WHY of our existence, and this longing makes us tragically beautiful. Far too often, we ascribe meaning to imaginary forces outside ourselves, and concoct elaborate fantasies about our own existence, unable to accept the truth of our infinite smallness. With training, we accept the impermanence of everything, including ourselves, and can appreciate the fleeting incarnation we have. In Buddhism, much emphasis is placed on being in the here-and-now as often as possible, and on letting go of all distraction from it. Ironically, it takes decades of diligent practice to return to our natural state of freedom, a state which other animals freely enjoy. Ignorance may indeed be bliss, but it is not our destiny. We are far too curious to remain ignorant. 

During meditation, we are taught to visualize in order to train the mind to increase its potential. This focus helps us reach deeper inside ourselves and unleash the power of our creativity. The more we practice, the more we become able to let go of outside distraction and utilize the mind's unique power to see beyond our other everyday senses. The focus and discipline of martial arts training makes a great companion to meditation. It can be said that they are brother and sister.

Martial arts is about so much more than punching or kicking; so much more than swinging a stick or a sword. Those are important, too, but really are means to an end. Martial Arts is a journey of discovery - about ourselves and others - from which we can unlock the door to deeper understanding, appreciation and gratitude throughout our lives.

Martial Arts is a continuum which ranges from systems that are very "martial" to those that are very "arts". There are so many systems/schools/instructors to choose from that we can search and (hopefully) find one best suited to our own preferred physical, mental and spiritual expression. A good blend should help us to discover the best version of ourselves we really want to become. At least a better version of ourselves than who we are right now.

In a modern world so filled with distractions, a world which constantly bombards us with messages about who retailers want us to be (so we can consume more of their products) in a never-ending cycle of not being good enough, it is very important to invest in the tools to help minimize these distractions. Good training, meditation and visualization can help us imagine better and better versions of ourselves which bring us closer and closer to the success we seek. These improved versions cannot be accurately characterized or quantified by anyone else. Only we, ourselves, can put a definition on our success, and identify the concrete steps and actions needed to get us there day by day.

Good training can help us develop the discipline, focus and courage to put in the real work needed to achieve our personal definition of success. There are no shortcuts.

In the end, becoming ourselves, the best, most authentic, most successful version of ourselves; completely, unashamedly, 24/7 ourselves, is all there really is. The rest is just background noise, isn't it? 

  

Science or Religion?

 

(thanks for the inspiration MC and Anthony)

It's always a great joy to meet other members of the martial arts community, especially when they are also very passionate about creating good dojo atmospheres and promoting learning and development for students. I was grateful to make a new friend yesterday before class, who was very excited talking about how to motivate students and deliver better results for them. The conversation flowed smoothly and naturally. It was wonderful. I can't wait to discuss further.

We spoke about evolution and adaptation from traditional styles, and the need to have the arts evolve while retaining the traditional elements that yield so much character development and discipline - vital elements for success in life.

I told the story of my Aikido journey starting in 1987 and continuing on into its current expression as part of my Kali Majapahit, relating it to O-Sensei's own evolution. O-Sensei also came from a very traditional martial arts background, after which he was sent to Manchuria for several years to fight in the Imperial Army. No doubt during that time he used his skills in combat to save his life and those of others. Later in life he became an ordained Omotekyo priest and eschewed the violence of the physical world for a more spiritual path. Modern Aikido (since 1945) has been focused on "harmony" and spreading happiness rather than simply self-defense or success in fighting.

In the case of O-Sensei, he is nearly revered as a God by Aikidoka. Most dojos have a black and white photo of him in the kamiza (the place of highest honor), to which they bow before and after class. Despite so many variations of aikido which exist today, propagated by his various "disciples", each branch seems to think they are "the authentic one" truly expressing aikido the way O-Sensei intended. Many of them disagree openly with each other and consider the others to be frauds.

This is no less the case in many karate dojos, Taekwondo dojangs and even FMA schools. Many of them revere their grandmasters, giving them uncountable black belt stripes or bestowing regal titles on them, similar to what fanatics do for their own messianic figures. These styles are akin to cults where their master can do no wrong, and each word is treated like a pearl of irrefutable wisdom. Believers are "excommunicated" for even suggesting that the system could adapt, evolve or be improved. Rather, they revel in their "traditions" just like Catholic masses given in Latin which none of the worshipers can understand. Practical or not, their arts are repeated and mimicked the way they have been for centuries and considered "pure" despite often lacking any real world applicability any more. There is nothing inherently wrong with this approach, unless we promote the idea that these styles are somehow still useful for fighting (a fact easily disproven in quasi-fighting scenarios such as MMA bouts). 

There is often a lingering fear that if these arts were considered to be impractical for self-defense they would be without merit and disappear. Much in the way Christians fear that their religion would disappear if Jesus were proven to not have been real. In my opinion, the benefit of religion is not about whether the supposedly historical figures actually existed. It is much more to do with how the belief systems allow you to grow as a confident, compassionate human being and navigate modern life's challenges successfully. I think this would be possible even if the Christian god(s) were proven to be completely fictional. As well, very traditional martial arts can and should have appeal even if they are not totally relevant for self-defense in how they are currently presented. 

To me, the treatment of martial arts as quasi-religions is inherently wrong. Despite the fact that often we do discuss esoteric matters, especially in the context of each individual's spiritual growth, good martial arts practice empowers the practitioner for positive change rather than investing their power elsewhere. Unlike religion, an emphasis should be placed on positive reinforcement and challenging limitations to achieve personal goals (CAN DO) versus restricting them via negativity and guilt (CAN'T DO).

Many modern martial arts are far more scientific in their approach. There are emphases placed on good fundamental science (physics, nutrition, bio-mechanics)  and rigorous analysis. Several excellent books and papers already exist written by scientists doing martial arts who have applied their training to this domain successfully.

Rather than be prisoners of a doctrine, these systems seek a Darwinian model of evolution and expand the scope and usefulness of their arts continuously. Generation after generation of instructors expand and develop the art in new and exciting ways through good research and experimentation.

One of the best examples of this can be found in Sigung Bruce Lee's Jeet Kune Do. Of course, Sigung Bruce also had a traditional background in Wing Chun, a notable Hakka style. Becoming aware of the limits of what he had learned from his teacher Yip Man, Sigung Bruce set out to expand and improve on his training by examining a wide variety of other Asian and Western fighting systems including not just karate and other styles of kung fu, but also western boxing, wrestling, fencing, savate and more. He became very experienced in physical training and nutrition as well and developed phenomenal physical abilities. His goal was to create a limitless system of growth and learning to improve the individual to his/her maximum potential. One of the core tenets of JKD is "absorb what is useful". This allows the practitioner to customize his or her expression of martial arts based on body type, physical limitations (if any) and philosophy. The result is that professionals in JKD's concepts-based system will have a lot in common due to their shared principles, while simultaneously expressing the concepts uniquely in how they are applied.

I think tradition has its place and is very important for understanding the cultural context of how martial arts came to be in their current form when we encounter them. The traditions give us a sense of belonging and are an important way of showing respect to the lineage and those who paved the way for us. There is nothing wrong with honoring our instructors and being grateful for their knowledge, wisdom and dedication in teaching us, provided we remember they are human beings, not demigods. They can be respected without being worshiped.

At the same time, I prefer a scientific approach. This allows the depth of observation, study and analysis that leads to much deeper understanding. Fundamentals are developed so that we can explore further and research deeper into the system. Like science, all disciplines have much in common (mathematics, for example) and share knowledge between them. Of course rivalries do exist, but I have yet to hear of genocide between geologists and physicists, for example. It has even been suggested that advancement to higher black belt ranks be accompanied by independent research and peer-reviewed, in order to ensure that all seniors contribute to the growth of the system. This is the same in scientific disciplines, where subsequent higher level degrees require deep research in some original topic as part of a dissertation.

In the end, martial arts should be of maximum benefit to the growth and success of the individual, encouraged by dedicated, knowledgeable instructors who encourage their students to develop their self-confidence and explore, discover and evolve into the best, most authentic versions of themselves.

See you at class.

              

Stormy Weather

 

(Lieutenant Dan has a showdown with God in "Forest Gump") 

Friday night at 7pm. Outside the cold rain fell. Hard. The dojo mats were cold on our feet, too. All of the students and instructors were lined up, ready to bow in for class. The students looked a bit uneasy, unsure of what they would do for the next two hours. The instructors were calm and confident. They knew from experience. It was a great, high-intensity class and everyone remained focused and engaged throughout. Later when we bowed out at 9pm, our shirts were sweaty, and we were all smiling. It was done. Until next time.

Truth is, I love a good storm. Rain, snow, strong winds. I love it. Not for the damage or disruption it can cause. I love it because it represents a great opportunity to show up for yourself.

Many days are challenging. With the modern rush of work, school, family, friends, commitments... we are always on the go, always ON. Most of us wake up early (too early) and go to bed late (way too late!). The hours in-between are often a blur. It can be hard to find time for anything else or anything more.

Especially during bad weather, it just seems like Nature's way of telling us to stay at home, on the couch, and watch Netflix or something. Grab a cup of tea and a good book. Take a long, hot bath. Catch up on sleep. On a Friday night it's very tempting to pop down to the pub for a few drinks with some friends or co-workers, or enjoy a well-earned meal after a tough week at work (they're all tough somehow, aren't they?)

None of these things are bad of course. I enjoy them, too. However, in the grand scheme of things, none of them ever make me feel as good as I feel when I show up for myself and invest in making myself better. Rest and sleep (and a good book) are also very important, but to me they are always secondary to keeping the promise to myself and to my students to be at class.

Heavy rains offer a lot of temptation to just give up/go home, but for me it has the opposite effect. Maybe it's just my damn stubbornness but times like that make me want to train harder, as if to prove my own commitment to myself. It's my personal showdown with Mother Nature and I like to win.

I was very glad to see so many of you in class last night. I commend you for making your investment in yourselves a top priority and for continuing to establish the routines and habits that will lead you to success no matter the weather or other obstacles that Life may put in your way.

Perseverance is the most important ingredient for success, and it can only be developed through repetition.

See you Tuesday.     

Chop Wood, Carry Water

 

The Path calls to us for many different reasons. Many of us feel somehow disillusioned or dissatisfied with our lives in some way. The material world we live in pushes us to borrow money to buy things we don't need in order to impress people we don't know. As we realize this, we start to look for something...more. Many of us feel trapped in a world of the mundane, unable to reach the imagined happiness of social media icons and unable to escape the reality of our own daily lives. Many religions exist for the purpose of establishing control. They seek to pacify us and make us conform to an outdated set of beliefs (often manipulating us through guilt) and tell us to sublimate the self and sacrifice the Now in the hopes of some greater reward in the afterlife. These days, such empty promises seem to do little to assuage our anxiety.

I loved the above quote because it really speaks to the essence of the Path as I see it. Rather than seeking an escape from the everyday life to something (we hope would be) better, the Path helps us examine our lives in much greater detail - ultimately helping us discover real meaning and purpose in what we do every day. As a result, we come to appreciate what we have, rather than endlessly wish for what we don't. Our ambition becomes less about acquiring more "things" and instead about truly understanding the parts of our daily lives that make us happy and fulfilled, and seeking to maximize them. We learn to find more joy in the relationships around us (or exchange those relationships for more positive ones). We discover how to go about our day with appreciation for the little things rather than just wishing they would go away and be replaced by fame and fortune.

Enlightenment includes the understanding that all we ever really do is exchange one set of problems for another, and that's OK. We are hardwired to solve problems. It's in our DNA. We struggle and suffer when the problems have no acceptable solutions, or when the quality of the problems is too low for our capabilities. The better we live, the better quality problems we get to solve. The more involved we are in our own lives, the less we feel a desperate need to escape from them.

There is not some great and magical transformation waiting to occur when the light switch of enlightenment is flicked. If this is the expectation, it is guaranteed to be a disappointment. Rather, like a growing tree or a child progressing to adulthood, over time our understanding becomes bigger and our capabilities reach new levels. Day by day this can be very hard to see, but over time the changing from caterpillar to butterfly must naturally occur and in the end, through our own transformation of enlightenment, we emerge from our cocoons ready to fly.

In the end, we chop wood and carry water (mostly metaphorically) all throughout our lives. What matters most is our understanding of this process and its purpose - what we learn from it and how we grow from it. We are and will be with ourselves from birth until death, constantly a part of everything we do and say. Our life, this time, is here and now, and we must take responsibility for it rather than wish for the life of another.

True spirituality is not anchored in guilt. It empowers us to be fully aware of who and how we are at all times, and to act with purpose and mindfulness as we go through every day - chopping wood, carrying water or working in an office or whatever we do to provide for ourselves and our loved ones.

Perhaps I'm not saying anything new here - at least nothing the Buddhist masters have not been trying to tell us for millennia. I think it is very important to make your personal spiritual practice useful to you in improving your ability to live your life, this life, right now, every day, as much as possible. I hope we do not give in to the temptation of wishing for anything else. Maximize who and how you are in this life. Be the best YOU you can be and be unapologetic for growing to become more you.

Enjoy the Journey.       

Getting Through This Thing, Whatever It Is

 (thanks for the inspiration Paul & George)

Kurt Vonnegut was one of the century's great writers. Famous for his NYT bestseller, "Slaughterhouse Five", Kurt was, among many other things, a humanist. His time in service in WW2, especially in a German prison camp, gave him a unique, dark sense of satire but he loved writing and ultimately, people.

The above quote was sent to me on a birthday years ago by a very dear friend with the tagline, "Thanks for making the journey through this thing better". I was brought to tears and never forgot his touching gesture.

Lately, this quote is on my mind a lot, and came up during conversation where I tried to unpack it a bit more. Like much of Kurt's writing, there's a lot in there.

The Importance of "We"

He starts with a bang. "We" implies togetherness, not isolation. Humans are inherently social creatures, never meant to be alone for any significant period of time. By contrast, solitary confinement is considered one of the most cruel and inhumane punishments we can do to each other. "We" is a critical thought path of inclusion and a great place to start any ideation. Even in the modern workplace, diversity, equality and inclusion (DEI) are at the forefront of good management's consideration.

Where is "Here"?

If you don't know where you are, how can you figure out where you're going? Kurt's expression "We are here..." is about trying to discover our purpose in being, perhaps the most quintessential aspect of our humanness. Of all the creatures of the world, we are endowed with awareness of self, which is our greatest gift as much as it is often the source of our greatest insecurity. By understanding our true purpose we are empowered to achieve a greater outcome by sublimating ourselves to this higher power, but all too often we fail to do more than act in our own selfish interests. The fact is, like it or not, understand it or not, WE ARE HERE.

Help

I think it is fundamental to recognize that our purpose as human beings is to help each other. Our modern world bombards us with messaging suggesting that our self-worth and success are ultimately measured by our personal wealth and fame, like points in a perverse, selfish video game. The Truth is that we are here to help each other. All of us need help, often, and as such all of us must be committed to helping each other. In the end, what will matter is not the size of our houses or cars or bank accounts but the size of our hearts. I wish more emphasis were placed on this in our education. Sadly, even most religious education seeks to create a framework of guilt/control rather than of compassion and empowerment. With each passing year, I feel the world torn further apart and recommit myself to trying my best to bring it even a little closer together. Kurt was right

Getting Through This Thing

Our principal mission is to get through this thing. Day in, day out, we act often in seemingly mindless ways, searching for meaning and an overarching understanding of what this "thing" is. Kurt is right in pointing out that despite millennia of collective study and reflection, our understanding of what this "thing" is is superficial at best. At least we can say, by process of elimination, some things which this "thing" is not. It is not about simply collecting material possessions/wealth at the expense of each other. It is not the wanton destruction of our environment (and each other) in a quest for MORE. What we seek is not to be found solely in hedonistic pleasures, since we find that in the end these simply do not provide the long-term fulfillment which is at the heart of what we want this "thing" to be. Is this "thing" a Matrix-like simulation? Is it an illusion? Is it some kind of bizarre divine test of our worthiness? An alien experiment?  If so, how could we say we have been successful as a species? Is there an answer that can fill the existential emptiness at the core of being a human in these modern times? Over generations have we somehow evolved away from our inherent divinity? We humans seem to be at once capable of showing the extremes of selfless inspiration and hopeless despair. Many of our heroes vacillate between both.

Fortunately, we do not need to know what this "thing" is to recognize we are in it, whatever it is, and must get through it, hopefully helping each other along the way.

To me, that means to actively seek out the companionship of others and try to help them so we can all get through this thing, whatever it is - together.

Maybe that's enough. I hope it is.

What do you think??

   

On Happiness

 

This is me. A photo taken in December 2022 at an outdoor cafe. Yes, I look happy. Because I am. Relaxed and in the company of friends, it was a very enjoyable lunch and conversation. It feels very different from where I was a year ago.

In Dec 2021 I was not happy. I was recovering from type 2 diabetes which was diagnosed in May 2021, and had been on months of medication, side effects of which were poor sleep and headaches. I had to endure those because I needed to continue to reduce my blood sugar. I was also under extreme stress at work. I was unable to help my stressed out team because I could not even help myself. Every day I felt like I was drowning, and there was no help to be found anywhere. The situation was relentless. I was working 70 - 80 hour weeks for months including nights and weekends and it still wasn't enough.  Every Sunday I would lie awake with anxiety at what new crises would happen the next day and I felt completely hopeless.

So, what happened?

By January of this year I became determined to change jobs. The internal transfer was not handled well, and that convinced me that I needed to change companies as well. I enjoyed my time in cloud technology but it turned out to be every bit as volatile as investment banking, and for many of the same reasons. I worried that at my age (55) despite my experience and skills I would struggle to find a good (enough) job, as I had in 2010 after I left JP Morgan. 

Fortunately, I was quickly able to find a great role in a buy-side asset management company's international sales department, leading a young and diverse team of developers, designers and UI specialists. My background in finance (albeit sell-side) and technology has been useful, as has my fluency in Japanese. I am doing good work and my work is being highly appreciated across the firm.

I learned a few very important lessons.

1) Sometimes what didn't really work out for you really worked out for you. Read that again.

Leaving the comfort and safety of Thomson Reuters (now part of LSEG) for "The Cloud" in 2016 was a very difficult choice to make. My current employer will make my 4th job in 6 years. Changing jobs is extremely painful and emotionally draining, and learning cloud solutions in my late 40s did not come easily. I had to invest a huge amount of time and energy on topics that others probably intuitively understood. However, if I had not gone through those tough times I might not have developed the important skills and understanding I need now to create the right solutions for my current employer. I met so many fantastic people and (hopefully) will keep and deepen my relationships in the future by being a good customer. If I had it to do over again, I would have had to choose the same course of events. As stressful as it was, it brought me to where I am now.

2) Prioritize Your Mental Health and Balance above all else

We often talk about the need for balance. This can be described as work/life balance but also as the "Holy Trinity" of mental/physical/emotional well-being that is the key to longevity. In my case, the high stress and anxiety led me to emotional and mental instability which ultimately contributed to my health issues. My poor health had knock-on negative effects on my mental and emotional health in a downward spiral that ended up out of control. In retrospect, I think emotional health was the most important factor to get right first. My happiness would have minimized my physical impact. Even working hard, if I had not been so stressed out/feeling hopeless constantly I think I would still have slept well, eaten better and found time to get more exercise. Many people can maintain a positive outlook even when they are not feeling 100%, but I think feeling despair will naturally disrupt mental and physical elements as well. No job, no career is worth jeopardizing any of the three factors and I am grateful I found another option before my conditions got worse. I felt that as a survivor of so many hardships, and a martial arts instructor as well, I would be largely immune from the effects of stress and anxiety on my mental/physical/emotional health. I was very painfully proven wrong.

3) There is ALWAYS something you can do - but you need courage (and to let go of your ego)

 As my situation deteriorated, I felt more and more helpless. I worked harder and harder, longer and longer, believing that I could work my way out of the negative spiral I was caught inside. I believed that if I got myself into a situation, any situation, I could get myself out. I told myself to "Man Up" and convinced myself I would do whatever I had to do to provide for my family, even die if necessary. I would have preferred to die than to fail, or so I thought. My family staged an intervention. It happened when my wife brought me dinner to my little room one night and told me that whenever she knocked on the door she worried that she would find me collapsed dead at my desk. She was very serious.

As a family, we spoke about it and they reassured me that this was not the way. I shouldn't risk my life for my job, any job, and that whatever changes I needed to make they would support me 100%. I made up my mind to get better. That would mean making changes. Major changes. It would also mean facing my fear of failure and letting go of my ego - stop trying to fight a battle I knew in my heart I could not win. I had to also stop worrying about what others would think of my many frequent changes - whether or not my bosses, my co-workers, my team or anyone else would judge me for throwing in the towel and quitting.

I had to believe that in the end, those who were meant to be my friends, those who really cared about me, would understand why I needed to do what I did. That is exactly what happened.

Far too many people fail to find alternatives to bad situations, or feel too trapped to make other, better choices. They worry too much about being judged or are too afraid of change. Far too many people fail to get the support they need or the mental health care they deserve. The truth is - it's never too late to make a positive change and a wait-and-see approach generally only makes matters worse.  

4) FUCK COVID

Yes, I said it. We've all been thinking it. This horrible disease has taken so much from so many, devastated families and workplaces, and even fundamentally changed the nature of work forever (hopefully for the better). I cannot and will not blame COVID for everything, but in my case it made a bad situation worse and added so much additional stress to an already challenging and difficult situation. During COVID, we were prevented from seeing each other, prevented from seeing customers or friends and this led to terrible feelings of workplace loneliness and isolation. Every day was a poor carbon copy of the day before - 10 or 12 hours of back-to-back Zoom calls and desperately trying to get a bathroom break in-between. No time for "actual" work and no way to build the all-important relationships that make work worthwhile at all. Everyone tried to make up for it with ergonomic chairs and virtual happy hours but they were all poor substitutes for actual face-to-face human interaction. I was miserable and COVID was a big part of that. No, the time of COVID is not quite over, but the world is finally moving on. One day all of this will be nothing more than a bad memory as we all mourn what we have lost and the high price that has been paid by everyone worldwide.

Closing

Happiness is not automatic or guaranteed. Part of knowing what it is comes from experiencing what it is not. 2022 has had its fair share of challenges, but I am very grateful to end the year in a far better place than where I started it.

I wish all of you a safe closing of the books on 2022 and all the very best in 2023.          

Navigating Things

 

(thanks for the inspiration SC)

We are often conditioned to think of our lives as being on a kind of "auto pilot". We enter the details of our destination - education, hard work, dedication, perseverance, luck, money - and the Life Autopilot delivers us straight to --- SUCCESS. In many families, especially Asian families, the auto pilot includes enormous pressure to have perfect grades, play musical instruments and sports, excel at after school enrichment activities and if we do so, the autopilot will take us to success as a(nother) lawyer or doctor - ironically, even if this is not where we ourselves wanted to go.

We think we depend on a few critical "all-or-nothing" moments where our lives are defined. Those moments where we truly rise up and make the decisions and take the actions that will yield the fame and fortune we desire. Sadly, when we do not win those moments, we may feel that those doors to success are closed forever by our failure, and those potential futures lost to us. This way of thinking can cause us undue stress and anxiety and in some extreme cases may suggest to us that all is lost and we will never achieve our life goals - leading us to despair, depression and maybe even to self-harm.

In fact, Car Navigation systems may be a better metaphor than Autopilots.

Car Navigation systems are wonderful things. They allow us to input a destination and then provide directions to it, even allowing for various conditions to be set (don't use toll-roads, avoid traffic jams, etc.). These days, an intelligent AI voice tells us each turn to make and exactly how far to go.

Using this metaphor, like car navigation, sometimes despite the instructions we miss a turn off or overshoot an exit ramp or on ramp. Then what? A fiery ball of flame? No. The navigation system will calculate a new path to get us there. Even if you start going in the exact opposite direction of the system's instructions (like me when I use Google Maps), the system will patiently direct you back on course. Your journey is only truly over if you give up.

Life, it seems, is very much like this. Contrary to popular belief, we can even decide a direction without knowing the actual specific address. We can simply enter something close. We can change our minds en-route or make a detour or a stop off. We can make an unlimited number of mistakes. A new route will always display that tells us what to do from where we currently are. The Navi will always keep trying to show us the way. 

In the end, we will get where we are going as long as we don't give up.

When we are ready to accept our own freedom, we realize that there is no timeline or schedule for reaching our destination (success/happiness) except our own. The fact that others may have taken a faster route or arrived earlier or been more efficient is of no consequence. What matters is that in the end WE ARRIVE.

A Navigation system does not necessarily need every little detail to plot a course. Newest ones can use a partial address or even just a telephone number. They can navigate using a famous landmark or a place you have previously visited. Life, too, need not have every tiny detail in place to help guide you in the right direction. So get started. 

2023 is around the corner. Instead of just feeling lost, let the New Year bring you the chance to go on an adventure or two - secure in the knowledge that your trusty Navi will always get you there and back again.

Train hard.     

Learning Kanji

 

Kanji (漢字) are the pictograms used in writing Chinese and Japanese. Originally Chinese, Kanji have been part of the Chinese diaspora and influenced not only Japanese but Korean as well. Many Koreans still have kanji associated with their names, and until recently there was still a kanji newspaper published in Korea.

I started studying kanji as part of my Japanese class in 1989 and have been studying them in one way or another ever since. Modern Japanese (newspapers) are based on a general usage set of 1,945 characters, but most adults know between 3,000 - 5,000 based on their education and interests. It is said that there are over 30,000 kanji in Chinese including very obscure ones and derivations.

I love the fact that kanji are pictograms rather than phonetic like western alphabets, since as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. Kanji can be very efficient to transmit ideas to the viewer.

In the case of the above kanji, read "naka" or "chuu" in Japanese, it symbolizes the center or inside of something. This kanji was relevant in our class on Friday night.

In this cycle, we are working on hubud lubud (FMA sticky hands) applications including Hakka Kuntao, which is a southern Chinese martial art. I came up with the image of this kanji to reflect one of the central principles of Hakka Kuntao. In Hakka, our focus can be imagined as the four corners (both shoulders and the points of both hips) as well as the center line. Using the kanji, we imagine a square drawn connecting the four points with a line running down the center line (spine). Our objective then becomes penetrating the opponent's square to seek control of the center line, while simultaneously protecting our own square and denying the opponent access to our center line.

The shoulders and hips are predictive indicators of center line movement, so by using our peripheral vision we can anticipate the footwork (hips) or attacking line (shoulders) by watching the four corners of the box. Accessing the center line, usually via the head/neck/spine, allows us to easily compromise the opponent's balance and reduce or eliminate the ability to generate power through spinal rotation. Once this power train is disrupted it is very difficult for an opponent to deliver any meaningful strikes or recover their balance.

Hakka Kuntao is fast and powerful, concentrated on the box and center line, which makes it especially effective at very close ranges, despite the fact that many Wing Chun practitioners (Wing Chun is a representative Hakka martial art though not the only one) contend that it can be effective at medium and long ranges as well.

In Kali Majapahit, we use hubud lubud's framework to introduce several key bodies of knowledge including:

• Gunting series
• Hakka 5 Gates/Trapping
• Application of aikido's te no tori drill
• Knife and karambit flows
• CQB stick trapping
• Sarong and scarf applications

It is a cornerstone training tool and worthy of deep investigation and committed training.

More information here:

https://martialartsdigest.blogspot.com/2014/04/hubud.html
https://martialartsdigest.blogspot.com/2018/12/hubud-lubud-revisited.html     

Reach Out

It seems like lately everyone is dying - more specifically, it seems like many people are committing suicide - either directly, or indirectly via alcohol or drug abuse.  Of course, notable celebrities attract attention regardless of whether they are rock stars, sports personalities or TV and movie stars.  This trend is discussed a bit in a paper here.

One of my country's greatest problems is one of multi-generational, hereditary poverty, a situation where Americans are born, live and die below the poverty line exactly as several generations before them did and just as they expect their children are likely to do.  This problem represents generations of families in the USA who believe, quite rightly, that they have been ignored by government - discarded in favor of a more influential middle class and wealthy elite who can donate and support them.  Exactly the constituents a candidate should advocate for, provided they actually cared about anything other than just remaining in office and milking it for every last drop of personal gain.  Sadly, these voices fail to have been heard for the better part of 80 years, leaving these groups of people in despair at being ignored and denied their basic human dignity and respect.

In the US we are taught to equate wealth with happiness, but the reality is not so clear.  According the to World Happiness Report, the largest study of its kind, the US ranks a sobering 18th, well behind many countries with lower GDP, notably including Costa Rica (13th). Money, it seems, is not everything.  However, we cannot ignore that those at or below the poverty line continue to suffer in misery with little hope for improvement under the current regime.

In many cases, these poor white people commit suicide.  In some tragic others, they act out on their feelings of resentment at their societal isolation and make a statement with their AR-15, shotgun or hi-capacity semiautomatic pistol.

The paper shows that despite these feelings of racist superiority, hereditary poverty affects whites just as badly as it does poor blacks and Hispanics, sandwiching them between lack of healthcare or quality education and perpetually low wages.  This leads to despair and desperation born of the hopelessness and fear of knowing that one's children will toil with no greater hope of success than any of the prior generations had.  So much for white superiority.

In another generation or two, the paper suggests, poor white mortality and imprisonment will equal or exceed that of black people, irrespective of police bias.  The race to the bottom continues unabated.

Sadly, this is an even greater argument for all of us to see beyond race, color or creed and to acknowledge that at the poverty line or below, all poor people have the same needs and must join forces to create social change.  For those of us above the poverty line, we are obliged in our compassionate society to give what we can to promote literacy, better education, healthcare and wage growth to help these people rise above.  We must influence action by our elected officials to allocate tax dollars to those who need them mist, rather than just enact tax breaks to further benefit the wealthy.  Overall, we must preserve the dignity of these people and remember that our country was founded on the principles of equal opportunity, acceptance and tolerance.

According to the very powerful book "Factfulness" by Hans Rosling, the world is far better than most of us think it is.  Dramatic increases in global wealth, education and health have been taking place and helping make a difference in the lives of many people, far fewer of which live in absolute poverty than ever before.  This is inspiring, and should remind us of our commitment to keep improving until not one single child is lost to preventable diseases, famine or war.

Meanwhile, at least according to our GOP, immigrants stream across the border to eagerly scoop up their entitled benefits of free education, low-cost healthcare and high(er) wages, thereby increasing the pressure on an already downtrodden demographic and adding exponentially to their feelings of despair.  Decades of systematically trying to skew the system against non-whites have failed, leaving "privileged" whites behind immigrants in both academics and opportunity.  In a desperate appeal to seize power not unlike 1930s Germany, our Republican Party appealed to the anger and hatred of this demographic and mobilized them to act out on their xenophobia.  America faces the darkest moments in recent history as we tear ourselves apart from within.  Our enemies in Russia, China and North Korea laugh as we push away our allies and descend into hopeless bickering among each other, all the while ignoring our fundamental moral compass as human beings.  This is the greatest tragedy of all.

The time for divisiveness is over.  The time for hatred and fear is ended.  Do not lose hope.
We must learn from our mistakes and put the past behind us so we can move forward AS ONE TRIBE.  The time for TOGETHERNESS is upon us.

Be Present
Send Peace
Donate
Hug
Love

BE THE LIGHT.