Getting off the Train

 

I smiled when I saw this. Living in Japan we’re very dependent on public transportation. In fact, I don’t even have a Japanese driver’s license and haven’t needed one for the past 35 years. The train system in greater Tokyo (including Chiba, Saitama and Yokohama, too) is complex and interconnected. If you can master it, you can ride trains in any other country with ease.

Even after all these years, however, I still get on the wrong train sometimes. If you happen to fall asleep you could easily end up 50km from your destination (or worse). Mistakes like that can be tough. I still feel a little embarrassed when it happens.

As the picture above explains, when you get on the wrong train (or make a mistake if any kind) leaving it like that rarely makes it better. Often, the longer you wait the worse it becomes. Much of life is like that, it seems. There is importance in constantly getting good feedback (qualitatively and quantitatively) to make sure you’re going in the right direction (at the right speed). If you aren’t, it’s important to have the resolve and decisiveness to course correct as early as possible. Mistakes are inevitable. It’s how you handle them that matters. Some people are so afraid to make mistakes that when the problems occur they can do nothing. Paralyzed with fear, they may wait too long and end up much further from their intended destination. In the worst case, they may even become lost, forgetting how they got there (or why). 

Thinking through the causes and effects and understanding how to avoid those problems/mistakes in the future is a useful exercise. It’s important to acknowledge mistakes but not to dwell on them longer than necessary for the lessons to be learned. Over time we become wiser, stronger, better. It’s a process. I’ve found that learning to give a sincere apology is one of my most important (and most often used) skills.

Everyone gets on the wrong train sometimes. Don’t worry. Just get off as soon as you can and start backtracking right away. Don’t think about the time you lost. Just thinking about getting back where you should be. With any luck at all, your path will lead you (back) to the martial arts. To KM. And, ultimately, beyond. 

Love each other more

Opportunities

 

(thanks for the inspiration Cikgu)

Great class last night. A full floor of dedicated kalistas, passionate in training and hungry for more. Experienced practitioners and new faces mixed together - learning, sharing. It's why I teach. I can imagine my teacher, Punong Guro Fred Evrard, watching me from heaven, pleased.

We finished with Panantukan, Filipino kickboxing. I set up a simple drill where we use the knee spike against the lead leg. It's a simple, brutally effective attack that when done correctly finishes any fight. This time, we used it with a clear telegraph to the defender - a big setup to show we were intent on attacking the lead leg with a knee spike. This is not normally the way we fight in KM, but there was a purpose here. Once the defender sees the incoming knee strike, they fear it and move their leg away. This exposes an attack of opportunity on the remaining leg that is usually very successful.

I used this specific combination to illustrate an important point, which became my mini-talk to close the class as we bowed out.

Opportunity is a very important element of fighting, just as it is a very important element of life. I think it exists in three different stages of evolution.

Recognizing Opportunity
As a beginner, we do our best to mimic and memorize the techniques our teachers show us. We focus on our footwork and body mechanics and do our best to create consistency in how we move, so that we can repeat the techniques correctly and commit them to muscle memory. Part of this training is learning the foundations of strategy. We explore and discover how to set up and maintain our focused guard, and learn what happens when we don't. As well, we start to see where opportunities can open up on our opponent. We learn about the inside and outside lines, high/medium/low lines, largo/medio/corto distances and how they can be used. Learning to recognize opportunities is critically important because until we do, we cannot act to take advantage of them. 

Seizing Opportunity
The next evolution is learning to seize opportunity. It is one thing to realize there is a chance or an opening. It is yet another thing to have the decisiveness to take action on it. We are by nature creatures of fear and apprehension. Many would say we are biased to inaction and the status quo (at least without the right training). Seizing opportunities requires rapid assessment of risk/reward and a mindset that accepts taking risk when the odds favor it. In fighting, this could be a short path to victory. It could also mean getting hit (or worse). As per the motto of the British SAS "who dares wins".

Creating Opportunity

The highest level goes beyond just recognizing when opportunities arise and then having the decisiveness to act on them when we see them. It involves something deeper and more important. The most successful people learn how to create opportunities. They no longer wait for the moment to arrive, they make the moment happen and then leverage it when it does. In fighting, as per my drill, we use one attack to open another. We use feints, deception, misdirection to cause confusion in our opponent. We attack multiple targets at the same time in order to make it impossible to avoid getting hit. We use body position, balance, weight shift and posture with our footwork to be in uncomfortable places where the opponent struggles to follow. These are the tools of an expert fighter.

In life, too, we must train to be decisive and to create opportunities for our success. We cannot sit idly by hoping it will be handed to us. Winners make it happen.

By dedicated training in martial arts, I hope we can all develop the discipline to push past our fears and doubts and go into the world ready to create the lives we want. I hope we can learn to create the opportunities we need to grow and become the very best versions of ourselves, living lives we can look back on with pride.

See you at class. 

The Legacy of Club 545

 

It's hard to believe it's been twenty years, 20 years, since Club 545 started.

It began in 2005 almost as a dare - a semi-private Yoshinkan aikido lesson in Roppongi, two students and an instructor, starting at 5:45 AM on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. The class would be taught in the old school way, the way of the intensive Senshusei course, which has produced nearly every high-ranking Yoshinkan instructor around the world. Myself and my partner, Chris, an English former London cop turned investment banker working nearby, agreed to do it. If he could, I could. If Sensei Mike could, we could.

I used to get the 5:09 train from Jiyugaoka in order to get there just on time. I'd be so sleepy I could hardly open my eyes. All I wanted was to go back to bed. Still, we did it. Some mornings were hard. Others were harder. Still, we kept going. The 0700 class would come in as we were finishing our class and bowing out. They looked at us as if we were insane. We were. During the practice, we went 100%. We never pulled our punches or toned down our techniques. The risk of injury was constant. Even injured, we trained.

After a few months, we heard that others wanted to join our madness. Enter Saori and David. Saori was a slight, frail Japanese office lady. Quiet and shy, but with fluent English. We told her plainly that we didn't think she could handle it. She nodded. We told her she would not get special treatment. She nodded.

I still remember the first class, David standing strong and resolute. His muscles rippling under his dogi. Curious smile on his face. In stark contrast, Saori standing in kamae with her little hands shaking, eyes focused in concentration.

Day after day, class after class, she kept at it. She never gave up. Just like us, she attended every class. Just like us, she trained hard every class - injured or not. Over time, her hands stopped shaking and her kamae became steady, unshakeable. Confident. Her movements automatic.

While I was in Singapore from 2008 - 2010, two important things happened: First, I passed my black belt grading in Yoshinkan aikido, tested in Kuala Lumpur by my teacher, Shihan Ramlan Ortega of Shudokan Malaysia and his teacher, the legendary founder of the Shudokan, Shuseki Shihan Joe Thambu. It was an unforgettable weekend, one of the greatest moments of my life. A waypoint on the Aikido journey I started in Chicago in 1987. The second thing that happened was meeting Guro Fred Evrard and Guro Lila Evrard, the founders of Kali Majapahit, a couple who would change the direction of my martial arts journey forever. I started training in Kali Majapahit in 2008 and have continued to this day (I'm teaching tonight, actually), opening the first overseas branch of KM in Tokyo in 2011. I have neither forgotten nor abandoned my Yoshinkan foundation, and those who observe my flow can see it deeply embedded in how I move and how I think about martial arts. Sadly, Roppongi Yoshinkan is no more. The legacy and spirit of Club 545, however, remains.

I continued on my journey. I am very happy to say Saori-sensei continued on hers. I recently heard the news that she successfully passed her grading for 5th degree black belt. It's an amazing achievement and worthy of great praise. Very few students ever reach black belt at all. Even fewer reach 4th degree black belt. 5th degree black belt is probably 1-2% of all black belts globally in Yoshinkan. There are thousands ranked between 1st degree and 3rd degree (including me). Achieving this rank and recognition requires decades of focused, intense training. She is no longer a little girl, over the years she has grown to become a warrior. A teacher and leader. A true budoka. I am very proud to have been able to witness the start of her journey and thrilled to celebrate this latest milestone. 

HUGE CONGRATULATIONS SAORI-SENSEI!!

Long live CLUB 545!!

OSU!!

Handicapped (part 2)

 

(thanks for the inspiration Mr. Physics)

How do you know when you have the right circle of friends around you? One way to tell is that being with them raises you up - makes you better. To maintain the status quo, you push yourself harder to be a better version of yourself, worthy of such companionships. They ask hard questions and gently challenge and encourage you to keep growing and learning. They are by your side through thick and thin, always having your best interests in mind. They make sure all your bases are covered and that you don't miss anything. How fortunate I am that throughout my life, such smart, wise, capable people have taken mercy on me and included me in the conversation. As a result I have learned things I otherwise would never have even dreamt of understanding.

The other day over lunch I met one of these friends. We began to talk about handicaps. He mentioned the statistically significant increase of students at Cambridge University who present with ADHD and autism, nearly 400% higher than previously measured. If this were so, to what degree they should receive special treatment?  Nearly 100% of the freshman class were determined to have some form of ADHD or be on the autistic spectrum. What does this mean? That our modern society now has such a statistical occurrence of these conditions that it is now the normal state of young people? I doubt it. However, by showing up on the ADHD/autism spectrum, these students are able to get perks such as additional time on exams, extra tutoring, longer deadlines for submission, and even stipends from the government. That's a lot more than just a sticker that gives you closer parking spaces. Frankly, if you don't get placed on the spectrum, you will be disadvantaged. Shouldn't it be the other way around??

I initially wrote about this topic five years ago. I had ADHD. I was on Adderall, Ritalin, Concerta, Dexedrine at various times during my childhood to try to limit my hyperactivity. The medicines all had very bad side effects on me and in the end I was taken off of them and left to just do the best I could. I never got any special treatment, and in fact I was mercilessly tormented and bullied by my classmates for nearly 10 years of my education. Over time I learned to live with my condition, regardless of the label. 

In addition to ADHD, I am basically blind in one eye (can only see light but not shapes, numbers or letters). I have worn glasses for more than 50 years, and learned to adjust to this limitation growing up. I learned to drive, shoot guns, play sports (badly) and even do martial arts (not as badly). It prevented me from joining the US military, which had been a childhood dream of mine, but apart from that my poor vision did not stop me from living a pretty normal life.

I fully appreciate that there are people with ADHD and autism (and other disabilities of course) who genuinely struggle to make their way in society and are truly deserving of special treatment. In adulthood, I also came to accept that being handicapped does not make me "lesser" than other people. It simply reflects a difference in capabilities rather than a value judgement of someone's worth. I think the hallmark of an elevated and mature society can be measured by the way we take of our vulnerable and marginal citizens.

It is a bit hard to believe that all the students in that study, despite having ADHD and/or being on the autism spectrum, were somehow able to overcome these challenges en masse and get into Cambridge University. The more likely explanation is that they simply learned how to game the system, and realized that they would be at a disadvantage versus other students if they didn't get the same treatment. US gun culture is a bit similar. You don't want to be the one person without one. That would put you at a severe disadvantage.

Why would someone claim to have a disability who did not? I think in addition to receiving incremental benefits, in some cases even grants or other financial incentives, everyone has an inherent ego need to see themselves as "special" and deserving of "better" treatment than others. We want to be recognized and catered to, with people deferring to us because our challenges somehow make us MORE not LESS. There are extreme cases of people identifying as a whole host of categories in order to "belong" to a group that can be socially perceived as deserving privilege and protection.

Who does this hurt? In the end, it hurts people with real, debilitating handicaps that they genuinely struggle with, since the broad categorization of people as "handicapped" or "disabled" trivializes the struggle and makes the challenges of those with more severe limitations seem lesser than they actually are. If everyone has the label, it ceases to be special any more. Truly, can society really support a generation where everyone claims to have "special needs". Does every social interaction really need to be the Starbucks "special order" of privilege and entitlement? Over diagnosis of these kinds of mental health issues drains critical, limited resources from those who are actually in need. https://www.varsity.co.uk/comment/27315

The UK allocates up to nearly $50,000 for those qualifying for support under the DSA (Disabled Students Allowance) https://www.gov.uk/disabled-students-allowance-dsa

Eligibility includes conditions like anxiety and depression, which are notoriously difficult to assess. Throughout my life I have felt both (sometimes at the same time) and been diagnosed with both, and yet never imagined I should be paid money or given special consideration.

While recent studies in the UK show that abuse of the benefits system might be somewhere around 3%, the real figures may be far higher given that it is very different to check every claim and ensure that every recipient is genuinely in need. In the US, former Republican President Ronald Reagan successfully ran on a campaign vilifying the "welfare queens" who were supposedly having as many children as possible from different fathers in order to maximize their social benefits. The current US administration makes the same claims about illegal immigrants. Even Japan, where foreigners are only about 3% of the total population anyway, politicians use the "us versus them" argument to target foreigners as somehow taking benefits from native Japanese (statistically this is clearly the opposite - foreigners are net contributors to Japanese social security by a very wide margin)  

In my case, I never considered myself handicapped and was always triggered if that label were applied to me, even if it was accurate. On one hand I felt that the benefits and entitlements for handicapped people were not required for me and should be used for someone more in need than I was. I had my pride, and I got along just fine, thank you. The reality may be that I felt the "handicapped" label to be a stigma that would isolate me further from "normal" people, when my goal had always been to be (at least) as good as other people. I struggled. A lot. In the end I became resilient and unbreakable - committed to achieving my version of success and undeterred by any of the many negative things people have always said about me. Haters gonna hate, after all.

It took a long time and a lot of experience to not only begin to accept other handicapped people as not being "lesser" than the rest of us, but also to accept that I myself belong among them. I am handicapped and can/should use my voice to bring additional awareness to the range of diversity humans can have and still contribute to society in a positive and meaningful way. I have tried to tie this awareness back to my heart of compassion, to allow me to better meet others where they are and do my best to support everyone, handicapped or not.

I hope society will continue to support those among us in need, but also encourage people to reject a victim mindset simply because they refuse to put their best efforts in. I hope we will help every child to feel special without a need to seek belonging through external labels or defaulting to a learned helplessness.

As a martial arts instructor, my mission is to help students develop the skills and confidence to be successful in life - that means VICTOR, not victim. In class we challenge students to do and be more, to grow and push forward positively into the next better version of themselves without excuses. I don't plan to stop doing that anytime soon. Together we will refused to be limited by any restrictions, be they mental, physical or emotional.

What do you think?

Stopping

 

The other day I was watching some Kali instructors practicing free flow with training knives. Of course, it was just a discovery exercise, but something resonated with me. Something didn't look right and it took me a while to figure out what it was. They were stopping after each movement: block/redirect, counter, finish. Each time I could see four distinct steps.

Filipino martial arts are difficult to learn. There's a lot to remember with your upper body, lower body, footwork, weight shift, rotation breathing and so on. There are many movements done in sequences, and the mind naturally puts them in ordered steps to that we can more easily remember them. To some, it feels a bit like assembling IKEA furniture or playing a board game. You simply follow the steps of the pattern until it is done.

However, I would argue that, except for beginners, FMA are not like building IKEA furniture or playing board games. Yes, there are steps/sequences, but I would more liken it to playing music instead. When learning to play music, at the beginning the student has to stop after every note, usually to adjust the fingers or to take a breath. However, playing music well involves linking the notes together seamlessly, so that muscle memory allows the fingers and breathing to occur without disrupting the melody of the song. Unless you can do this, in the end you can only play a sequence of single notes. That's just not a song.

In the Filipino martial arts, we refer to this concept as FLOW. It was a big deal for my teacher, and very hard for me to learn. Rather than predetermining every movement of every sequence in advance, we train the body to have awareness of itself and any opponents in 3D space, and to move instantly to the most appropriate position and technique until the situation is resolved. In the Japanese martial arts we use terms like Mushin 無心 ("no mind") and Zanshin 残心 ("remaining mind") to refer to this.

So, how to develop flow? My teacher was suggestive in some ways to help us achieve this important skill.

Daily Practice - he advocated at least some minutes every day for training. For FMA practitioners this should include empty hands, stick(s) and blade. For me I spend on average 15-30 minutes a day on these three just stepping through ideas and flows and concepts. I include all subsystems so that when I use them my body can move through them naturally without pauses.

Carenza - linked to the above, carenza is often called "Filipino shadow boxing" and is akin to kata in Japanese martial arts (although in general FMA use drills but not fixed kata as such). It refers to practicing the movements alone including footwork, timing and combinations, sometimes to rhythmic music. Carenza is wonderful for exploration and developing timing and focus. I can usually gauge a practioner&s level immediately if I see their carenza. Again, this is great to do with every subsystem and weapon. I personally feel not enough training time is spent on carenza by most FMA practitioners.

Slowly, Constantly Moving - When working with partners in the dojo, I think it is very important to try deliberately to remove the pauses from the movements so the muscle memory won't have them. In the beginning, this can mean going very slow BUT not stopping. Trying to get the mind to connect the steps so no pauses remain. Over time, the sequences can be sped up to be faster and faster. This will not become fast if the pauses are kept.

One example of this is weapon disarming techniques. When we learn them, they are taught as a series of steps, each of which must be done correctly for the technique to have a high chance of success. However, to become truly good at doing disarms, one must perform the steps together as one motion rather than a series of small movements. Another are the locking techniques, particularly those of aikido. Each step has a million little details, but just like a gold swing or a bowling strike ball, in the end the whole body must move together as one from start to finish for the technique to be successful. Each can be trained in isolation if needed, especially the gold swing, however it is the integration of the movements that must be burned into the muscle memory to be good at the sport. Boxing is another area where pausing prevents fluency. Good boxers master each punch separately, but good, competitive boxers execute the movements from muscle memory, since that speed is essential in creating the knockouts that win matches.

I'm grateful to those instructors for their video, which reminded me of a very important element of training. Flow is the goal!

See you at class!

You Get What You Deserve

 

(Thanks for the inspiration Fire Guro)

Over a short weekend in NYC recently a lot of good conversations were had, together with good food and good weather. That's a perfect weekend for me. A good conversation often starts with a good question, so I tried to ask one of my best ones. It anchored what we talked about for the rest of the day.

"Do you think you deserve to be wealthy?"

Read that one again. There's more in there than you might imagine at first. This question causes us to define for ourselves what "wealthy" means, since it is not the same for everyone. It also challenges us to reflect on our self-image and judge whether or not we believe ourselves to be worthy of a certain standard. Lastly, it makes us consider what habits and behaviors we have that might influence our life's trajectory, and the outcome of our efforts. In the end, not an easy question to answer. It opened up a lot of discussion.

In my case, I think asking ourselves what we "deserve" is an important exercise. Not just about wealth, but about love, success, respect and the other things that make up the common KPIs we use to measure ourselves. For some, this line of enquiry suggests entitlement or birthright, meaning that one person may deserve these things and another may not. As a Buddhist, I can say that the answer to these for me is always emphatically "YES" but that I believe everyone else is born deserving of them as well. We are ONE. I concede that we may, through our thoughts and actions, relinquish the right to deserve these things. On the other hand, we are all allowed chances at redemption and by correcting ourselves we may recover the right as well.

For many of us, certainly for me, I struggled for a long time with my self-image and lack of confidence. For many years I would have answered NO if asked whether I deserved, literally, anything. As a handicapped foster child raised in a lower middle-class family in Chicago I felt abandoned (since I was) and unloved (I wasn't). We were far from wealthy but we had enough. As such it did not occur to me that I should (or could) deserve something more. In the beginning I did not believe I deserved a good education or a good career or a good partner or a good family or a good life. The truth is, I deserved all of those things and in the end I got them all. One of my best friends told me "You've aced it, Honeyman. You won in life. Take a victory lap. You deserve it." This was very hard for me to accept, but he was right.

I think it starts with learning to answer "YES" to all the questions about what we deserve. This means allowing ourselves to be happy, which is hard for many of us. It was very hard for me, too. Once I accept that I deserve something, I will put effort toward it with the assumption that I should have it, that achieving it is a natural outcome that I should expect. The sad part is that if I think I don't deserve something, I won't make any effort toward it since it seems impossible to achieve.

Back to the topic of wealth. For many people, including me, not growing up wealthy leads to an unconscious bias that wealth is not a birthright, not something we deserve. "The Good Life" is for other people. It's for the beautiful people we see on TV or in magazines, not us. The truth is that financial security and wealth (as we define it for ourselves) is a human birthright which we all deserve. By educating ourselves (education is also something we all deserve) we enable ourselves the power to decide how we allocate our resources (time/money/effort) to maximize our personal benefit. As Guro Jan Sorensen has pointed out in his excellent blog, Learn Fire, it is not a get-rich-quick sexy scheme. In fact, it is a careful, methodical process. Because of this, it works every time. There is really no luck involved, although luck might accelerate the process. If you follow the rules, you achieve wealth. That's it.

So why do I teach martial arts? Martial arts training instilled in me the confidence to believe in myself. Cycle after cycle, test after test, belt after belt, I proved to myself that if I trusted the process, my teachers, my training partners, I would improve and ultimately achieve my goals. This started in the dojo but later extended to every aspect of my life. Martial arts has allowed me to have the life I deserve. I am wealthy in every single way I measure. I am successful in my definition of success, which is all that matters. I am happy. I am happy because I deserve to be. I deserve a good life and all the things I associate with that. So do you. SO DO YOU.

Now, what are you going to do about it?  

  

Running Away

 

(thanks for the inspiration RLH)

I love a good conversation more than just about anything. If you know me, you know I'm not much for small talk. I like to ask questions, sometimes hard questions, and discuss the answers. I don't mind being asked hard questions, either. I'm curious about just about everything, and at 58 I realize how little I actually know. I want to know more. Facts are fun, of course, but I really want to know more about people - their hopes, dreams, motivations, fears, desires and aspirations. I want to understand what makes us human.

This question started with the premise that my conversation partner would be honest in their answer. They would give the question the consideration it deserves and respond thoughtfully. I hoped it would open the door to much deeper conversation. It did.

The question was "What are you running away from?"

I asked it because I believe we are all running away from something, whether we acknowledge that or not. We all have something we dread or dislike, something we did or know we must do, something we fear or loathe or regret. We are all running away from something. Running away from our past or our future. Some of us never stop running. 

After a reflective pause, the answer came. "I'm running away from my self-doubt.", he said. "I'm running away from the feeling that I'm not as good as those around me. They know it and they make me feel bad about it. It erodes my self-confidence every time I think about it or am reminded of it. I don't want to think about it but I'm forced to face it every day."

Gut punch.

"That's me, too." , I replied. I grew up underweight, with ADHD, a lazy eye and a mop of unruly hair; Thick, broken glasses held together with masking tape, bad at everything. An outcast. Bullied at school relentlessly for more than 10 years. Unable to afford a top-tier education and yet competing with the best in the world in places like JP Morgan and Microsoft. I have spent most of my life feeling like an imposter, and being reminded of it almost every single day. Married to a beautiful woman who manages to find a reason to love me even when I cannot love myself. Father to boys who are already far greater than I could ever be. Even in martial arts, surrounded by some of the best in the world, wondering how any of them could think I belong among them, questioning why they would ever accept someone like me as one of their own. Every day feeling like I am living on borrowed time and waiting for the bill to come. They say you should "fake it till you make it", but what if you never actually do "make it"? Can you fake it forever??

As the conversation went on it became clear that, although he often felt like he wasn't good enough, and constantly wanted to escape being made to feel that way,  he didn't give up. Day after day he managed to do the work, the painstaking, hard work of showing up for himself every day and putting in the effort it took to keep making progress. Never giving up. Never running away even though every fiber of his body screamed for him to do so. Quietly gritting his teeth and bearing the pain.

He has wisdom. Maturity. Resilience. Patience. These are very hard to measure but they are the measure of a man. Maybe the only true test of bravery we have is whether or not we can feel fear and stand fast.  Whether or not we can resist the overwhelming urge to run away from the things that trouble us. Bravery is facing your fear. Bravery is wanting to run away, but standing strong regardless. Doing what must be done even when you are unsure of the outcome. 

I learned so much about him that day. I think I also learned a lot about myself. It was the conversation I hoped it would be.

How about you? What are you running from?