Book Report: Meditations on Violence

I recently read "Meditations on Violence" by Sgt. Rory Miller.

Overall, it was an excellent book which I highly recommend to anyone on the Warrior Path.

About Sgt. Rory Miller
Rory Miller is a 17 year veteran of the federal correctional system, a prison guard.  he is also a lifetime student of the martial arts including traditional Japanese Jujitsu.  He has years of real-life experiences under the chaos and stress of confrontations, and is acutely aware of the psychology and physiology of fighting.  He is an outstanding source of good information about the reality of self-defense.

About The Book
Rory Miller does not sugar coat what happens in a fight.  He is careful to explain the psychology of both attacker and victim, especially in the context of twp basic scenarios: 1) social fights (what he calls "The Monkey Dance") where our objectives are status, control, and emotion and when "rules" are followed and 2) predatory attacks, where the assailant attacks with surprise, often using weapons, or with multiple attackers, in order to avoid the risk of injury.  The objective is usually property or sexuality, which includes predators such as mass-murders where the objective is to fulfill some fantasy or delusion.  The situations could not be more different, and should be handled in totally different ways.

Sgt. Miller does not show specific techniques and the book has few pictures, only using them to provoke thought.  he discusses various training methods and their pros and cons relative to the reality of being attacked.  He has chapters devoted to the psychology of victim and attacker, as well as our human responses to the stress of a fight and what to expect (adrenalin rush, nausea, tunnel vision, etc.).  He includes plenty of practical advice for how to train to manage stress and what to do depending on the nature of the assault and the state of mind needed to be a survivor of such an encounter. he also includes a brief overview of the general legality of fighting and how to ensure you are within your right to self-defense by choosing an appropriate response to the situation.  He illustrates with many examples from his own career dealing with violent, often drug-fueled offenders as well as terrorists, gangstas, and other criminal types..

My Thoughts
Rory Miller is a practical man who has the survivor objective of getting home safely every night to his family. This is the objective all of us should have regardless of the situation we find ourselves in.  That said, Sgt. Miller does not give much credence to the spiritual aspects of the training, especially if they are not bundled together with real-life, dependable combat techniques.

He suggests that self-defense should not be taught by teachers without a lot of their own combat experience (not including MMA or tournament fighting).  I accept his point.  I am fortunate not to have been in too many fights, and all were either tournaments or "monkey dance" situations involving opponents with only limited training and limited conviction to hurting me.  I have not had to face knife attacks (and hope I never do) or other weapon attacks or multiple attackers.  At 45 years old, I do not expect to go out and cause trouble in order to validate this part of my skill set.  Instead, I will continue to promote the martial arts as a holistic way for us to improve ourselves - something I have had over 30 years doing.  My goal is surely to help my students realize their goals in self-defense, but also to gain discipline and confidence to take control over their
own lives, be responsible for their own choices, and create the future for themselves that they want - with healthy body, mind, and spirit.

I think it is the fact that I carry myself with confidence, rarely go to dangerous places, and think through risks before I do things, which has kept me from being in fights most of the time.  I am too small to be threatening to bigger guys, but too confident to be seen as weak by those same guys - it is a fortunate balance, and one I intend to keep.  I am glad Japan is such a safe country, and I hope it remains so.

Rory MIller is right that being a survivor requires a certain mindset.  It is about prevention, and about preparation (much of which is mental).  Fights are chaotic, unpredictable, and savage.  In the case of predatory attacks, they can be life-threatening and in order to survive, you must be willing to use whatever force necessary to escape.  This means gouging eyes, tearing throats, biting, or doing whatever else will cause the most damage to the weakest target in the shortest time.  Under the stress of real violence, the human body is amazingly fragile.  At the same time, we can actually take a lot more damage than people expect and keep on going, so it is important to never give up until you have escaped/neutralized the situation. As long as you are still alive, there is ALWAYS something you can do.

I hope none of you are ever made to fight, or even worse, become a victim of predation.  Just in case, better to read and think about Sgt. Miller's excellent book.

Rock, Paper...

(thanks for the inspiration Tina)

The other day, one of my friends who is a Kyokushin karate instructor explained to me "when I had an injured wrist, I simply did pushups on my knuckles.  Stronger punches, you know..."  It got me to thinking.

Many arts, especially the Okinawans, promote punching as a principle method for attacking.  They train hard for it to develop the capacity to hit with fight-stopping force using the fist.  Often times these attacks are directed not just at soft tissues like the throat or plexus, but at hard bone mass targets like the head.  Without a lot of conditioning and very good punching technique (especially alignment of the wrist with the forearm bones), it is very easy to break the delicate bones of the hand.

As for me, I prefer to fight seriously using my open hands rather than fists for a variety of other reasons as well:

1) I may want to grab, parry, or misdirect the opponent's arms of legs.  This is much better done with the open hand.

2) I like to strike with the knife edge (tegatana in Japanese) or palm heel (shotei) since they do not involve any of the joints in the hand or wrist and thus are strong and stable for maximum impact without risk of injury.

3) As I enter, I like to get fingers up into the face/eyes/throat of the opponent whenever possible, and this is best done using the open hand rather than the fist.

4) Clenching a fist causes subconscious tension in the muscles (especially the arms) and increases stress/aggression.  Tension/stress usually equates to slowness in a fight.

5) In my background of Aikido/Jujitsu, the closed fist is hardly used due to our need to touch and grab the opponent for joint manipulation.

6) Closed fists in western law denote aggression (implying assault or the intention to assault).  Open hands do not.  Held in front they suggest compliance, but in reality are anything but submissive :-)

Of course I am well aware that most fights have the habit of punching.  For Westerners this is due to our history of boxing, which promotes fists and makes open hands illegal.  I think this is mostly possible due to the use of padded gloves to protect the fighters' hands.  Without these, I doubt any match would last 15 rounds of fighters punching each others' skulls.

Years of striking the makiwara pad (common in traditional karate) can develop the strength in the fists to contact the major bones structures without injury, much in the way muay thai fighters kick trees or posts to condition their shins.  However, I consider this trade-off of longevity/mobility for impact power to be a bad deal.  Many karateka I know have arthritis or other severe joint problems in their hands from the makiwara, and I have heard many retired muay thai fighters have greatly lessened mobility due to kicking trees when they were young.

Speaking to many traditional Okinawan masters, it seems that at much higher levels in karate/kenpo training the closed fist is rarely used and the movements become increasingly circular and fluid, resembling the original Chinese arts that first influenced them.  I suggest that the translation of karate can be "empty hand" but can also be "open hand" ie. not using the fist.

I still believe a principal goal of martial arts training should be longevity, and in particular not just from surviving an encounter but from having a full range of motion in the joints, improved circulation, greater flexibility/dexterity and proper breathing throughout our lives.  This is much more in line with the Chinese interpretation than the modern Japanese/Okinawan/Korean/Thai versions but far more valid for people outside the battlefield.

By all means, train hard as you wish.  But for me, the open hand is the deadly hand.  

Crossfit and Kali

So it's on.  This morning I completed my first group class at Chikara Crossfit near the office.
I started this because the gym is boring (right?) and I am very interested in actually learning something while training.  The Crossfit coaches really understand both physical and nutritional science, and that hooked me.
There are many similarities between my first class of Crossfit and my first class of Kali Majapahit.

The "WOW" Factor
When I first stepped into the KM dojo on Yan Kit Road and met Guro Fred, it was a magic moment for me.
Somehow I just KNEW my life would never be the same.  His passion for what he teaches is infectious.  At the same time, he moves like a predatory jungle cat - with power, grace, strength, confidence.  He moves the way I want to move.  I looked at the other Kasama assisting him (now all Kadua Guro in their own right):  Guillaume, Vincent, Ben.  They all had similar characteristics, so I knew Guro Fred could really get students to understand what he wanted them to learn.  I was blown away.  I still am.

In Crossfit, I met Michael Schaal.  He looks like a professional athlete (and has been a competitive wrestler and lacrosse player).  he looks like he is chiseled out of iron - or maybe liquid metal like the T1000 in Terminator 2.  He is passionate about the science behind what he does, and it is equally infectious.  I have seen his personal workouts on his blog and they are insane.  He is truly an athlete.  I also see the people who have been training there for a year or more and they look like Greek statues.  It feels the same way it did when I joined KM.  I feel close to some powerful energy, an energy I know will change my life.

The First Class
In my first KM class, all those years ago, I spent time working on the stance, the grip, the basic 6 angles blocking and striking in De Cuerdas.  Guro Vince helped me a lot.  He was fluid and powerful, and it felt like he could hit me at will and block anything I tried to do without any effort at all.  I remember wishing I could move the way he did.  I still do.  We finished the lesson with coconut crushers, which remain a favorite even today.  My legs were shaking and had to go throw up right after the lesson.  I couldn't even walk down the stairs to the street and had to take a cab back home.  My legs were sore and stiff for over a week.  I kept thinking what it would be like when my body adjusted to it.  Fast forward another 6 months and I was able to complete the classes and workouts and then walk home afterward.  In a year I could do classes back-to-back.  Now when I go down to Singapore or attend the awesome annual Bali Camp, I am on the mats 30 hours or more per week, and I still hold up pretty well for a guy in his mid-40s.

My first Crossfit workout was a benchmark of 500m row, 40 squats, 30 situps, 20 pushups, 10 pullups.  It took me over 10 minutes to complete the workout and afterward I was completely exhausted.  I threw up (sound familiar?) and had shakes and cold sweat.  I was dizzy and thought I would pass out.  It took more than an hour to recover enough to get home, and I was sore for more than a week.  Since then I have completed the on ramp to prepare for group classes and learned the basics of the major movements we do in Crossfit.  For today's workout, 2 minutes max reps of d/u jump rope, pullups, pushups, situps, squats I surely didn't make the leaderboard, but I survived and walked away.  To me, that means I am already on the way there.  I look forward to how hard I will be able to work a year from now.


It's About LIVING
Both KM and Crossfit share the philosophy that we must work constantly to increase our stamina, coordination, balance, endurance, flexibility, accuracy, timing, strength in order to have maximum functionality of our bodies over the course of our lives.  KM movements are straightfoward and efficient, and draw from a wide variety of martial arts across Southeast Asia.  Crossfit movements are practical and replicate the functional movements we use in everyday life such as standing up from a chair, moving weight
from the floor, lifting overhead, and so on.  A lot of Crossfit movements are bodyweight exercises.  A lot of KM involves moving the opponent's bodyweight as well.  Both are designed to give longevity to our structures, muscles, joints, tendons/ligaments, and cardiovascular systems.

POSITIVE WAVES
KM is a very encouraging and empowering martial art.  It helps build self-confidence and encourages students to take control and change their lives.  Crossfit is also focused on the positive, and very supportive of new athletes as they make their way into the training.  There is a lot of help from the coaches to get the movements correct and begin to ease into the routines.

Variety is the Spice of Life
KM revolves around a rotating 10-week cycle of material for the students to master.  Within each 10 weeks, a huge number of drills, games, and exercises are used to understand and challenge each cycle.  Since KM has so many sub-systems, there is an endless amount of technique, concept, and application to explore.

In Crossfit, there are a nearly endless number of WODs (workout of the day).  Many are posted online and blogged about and athletes share their times/scores globally.  You could attend Crossfit every day for the rest of your life and never be bored or feel it is just a routine.

The Community
KM Brothers and Sisters are truly like family to me.  In the many years we have been together, we have shared so much on the mats and off.  We have supported each other along our Warrior Journeys and given each other courage.  I always look forward to seeing them.

In Crossfit, times/scores are recorded and posted on the white board.  During the workout we are totally focused on ourselves, but afterward, you look in the sweat-soaked eyes of the athlete next to you, and you feel a kinship.  We all have movements to improve and more reps we can do.  It's encouraging to be in this together.

I made a promise to KM (permanently tattooed on me).  I made the same promise to Crossfit (not tattooed yet).  Both are vehicles for helping me change and become who I want to be.  They share a lot in common.  Now they share ME in common.


Train Hard,  John 

Diamonds

I liked the above so much I hung it at my desk.
Stress is indeed a topic on the minds of most people.  Our modern lifestyles bombard us with persuasive information that subtly suggests we are not living right.  We need to work harder, be slimmer, dress cooler, and have MORE.  We need more money, more friends, more sexual partners, more information...more, More, MORE!  The constant pressure to perform is incredibly stressful for us.

Stress causes difficulty sleeping, depression, high blood pressure, eating disorders (both anorexia and overeating can be linked to stress), heart disease, antisocial behavior/short temper, sexual dysfunction, memory loss, and the list goes on and on.  It is a silent killer that slowly eats away from us until it finally takes our lives away.  Most people are not even aware of the effects stress is having on them until it is too late.

To cope with stress, many people turn to a host of external sources to try to remove or avoid stress, not realizing that stress is an inevitable part of our lives.  We often go to great lengths to avoid stress, such as quitting our jobs, divorcing our partners, moving far away, and so on.  In the end, each of these choices merely exchanges one set of stressors for another (usually unanticipated) set of stressors.

As the above picture suggests, the difference between a flat piece of charcoal and a diamond is not avoiding stress, but rather learning to handle stress well.  So...what can you do to help handle stress?

1) RECOGNIZE IT
As intuitive as it may sound, the most important factor when coping with stress is simply being aware and recognizing that we have stress. By this I do not mean a general feeling of malaise that pressure brings, but a very specific awareness of when a stressful situation occurs.  We must also be aware that stress can be real or just imagined, and even imagined stress can have harmful effects.  By recognizing the early signs of our body's reaction to stress, we can begin to take steps to cope more effectively.  We see differences in acute stress (death of a pet, loss of a job) versus daily stress, and in fact it is the accumulation of daily stress which is far more harmful to us.  This means we must recognize it as a constant force in our life that must be adjusted for rather than ignored.

2) Eat Well
When we are under stress, what we eat has an even more profound effect on our body's chemistry.  Often times, our reaction to stress is to either under-eat or overeat (especially calorie junk foods high in salt and sugar).  In either case, this exacerbates the stress reaction by putting additional strain on our bodies.  Stress often causes gastrointestinal trouble, so the best foods are healthy and nutritious without being overly spicy, salty, or sweet.

3) Get Enough Sleep
We are all very busy, I know.  Still, when under stress it is important to try to get a proper rest every day.  That means at least 8 hours of continuous quality sleep.  The hours before midnight are especially important for healing the body, so it is far better to go to bed by 9pm and wake up early at 5am, rather than going to bed at midnight and waking up at 8am.  If you have trouble going to sleep/falling asleep make sure your bedroom is completely dark (no TV) and quiet (I said "No TV!").  Try to not watch TV, check email, browse internet or other bright visual activity for an hour or two before bed.  It is also a good idea to use your bed only for sleeping or sex, and not for lounging and watching TV, so you develop a subconscious habit of sleeping (or having sex) when you are in bed rather than staying awake.  Good sleep is not automatic or inherent, it requires practice and establishment of good habits.

4) Talk About It
Men especially like to lock their emotions inside, and stress is a very emotional thing.  However, it is cathartic to talk about stressful events, and this is true whether or not the listener proposes a solution to remove the stress.  In extreme case, stress of grief, disaster, or other tragedy, it is important to seek professional counseling immediately since we can slip into depression without even being aware of the changes.

5) Music = Mood
I would not suggest there is true scientific evidence that shows that what we listen to affects our moods.  That said, dark and sad music makes me feel dark and sad.  Blues music is cathartic by having singers relate their personal traumas, and by hearing them we sympathize and feel better.  However, I think it is helpful to try to listen to upbeat positive songs under times of stress.

6) Meditation
Meditation is a key factor in coping with stress. It is important to find at least 15 minutes a day (longer is better) to do a meditation.  This need not be a religious experience (although that is OK, too).  It is at least useful to deliberately control your posture, breath, and thoughts.  This yields overall health benefits, and is particularly good during stressful periods.  I do not suggest meditating during a shootout, shark attack, or other violent situation.  However, for people with high stress lifestyles, finding time very day for meditation is very important to maintaining balance. Since stress is often linked to feeling a loss of control, the controlled environment of meditation is very comforting.

7) Reward Yourself
As we go through stressful times, it is important to set little rewards for ourselves.  Take a moment out to congratulate yourself for the small successes that come in navigating rough waters.  Small, regular rewards help avoid binges as psychologically we seek some validation for coping with the matters at hand.  Knowing that this is a basic human need will help manage it more effectively.

8) Keep Moving
Lethargy is a component of depression, and often tied to our response to stress.  Exercise is also a key factor in helping us get good quality sleep.  Under stress it is important to not let our busy lifestyles discourage us for getting regular exercise.

Shine On You Crazy Diamond!

John

I Can't...

Overheard between my vegan friend and another non-vegan friend at a restaurant dinner:

non-vegan friend (NVF):  Oh, so you can't eat meat
vegan friend (VF): No, I won't eat meat
NVF: but...you...CAN'T, right?
VF: No, of course I can, but I WON'T.
NVF: (puzzled)...I don't get it.

Many times I hear people's lifestyles (religion/diet/exercise) talked about in terms of what they "can" or "can't" do.  For example, people look at a vegetarian/vegan's lifestyle and say "Oh, you can't eat meat." They may even comment "I could never do that."  Even the Christian bible interprests the Ten Commandments as "thou shalt not", suggesting that properly practicing Christians "can't" do those things.

This type of determinism is often enforced through fear or guilt.  In the case of religion, particularly (but not limited to) Christianity, fear of Hell or the wrath of God or even social ostracism has served for thousands of years to reinforce the beliefs of things that Christians can't do.  For vegetarians/vegans, the idea is that eating meat or other animal products causes such health problems that practicioners "CAN'T" eat them for fear of risking their health.

I would argue that all belief systems that are grounded in neagtivity (fear/guilt) miss the real value of the beliefs --- the empowerment of the believer through his/her freedom of choice.

This manifests in two principal ways:
1) lack of guilt/punishment associated with the choices
2) lack of negative terminology associated with the choices

I personally think it is of critical importance that believers actively CHOOSE to follow the beliefs, rather than be manipulated into doing so through fear of repercussion or guilt and loss of self-esteem for not doing so.  To be empowered it is important that choices be framed in POSITIVE TERMS which express the benefits of making good choices, rather than the downside of making bad choices (or failing to make the expected good choices).  All of this should be underpinned by an emphasis on the will of the individual to be in control and determine his/her own path. In doing so, each person gets the benefit of developing their personal discipline and self-control.

For vegetarians, it is not that they can't eat animal products --- it is that they won't eat animal products.  They certainly could.  It's just that they make an active, concious, informed decision not to.  THEY are in control, not the belief system.  They could easily renounce their beliefs if they chose to do so.  It is through their willpower and commitment alone that they follow their chosen way and reap the benefits of it.

This extends to many many other things in life.  People say to a married man "you can't sleep with another woman".  Not true, he most certainly could.  However (we hope) he chooses not to out of love and respect for his wife and her feelings.  He gets the benefit of a fuller and deeper realtionship, as well as confidence in his own discipline and self-control.

If a belief system is rooted in negativity and focused on what followers "can't" do, the overwhelming tendency is for either punishment avoidance or escapism to creep in.  Punishment avoidance refers to behaviors where people act without commitment to the belief itself, instead simply out of fear of the punishment itself.  Once the punishment disappears, compliance also disappears.  This explains why many young people renounce religion as soon as they move out from home or otherwise are not at risk of being punished for not going to church.

Escapism refers to those rebellious behaviors which occur from a desire to express free will by doing the exact opposite of what the belief system practices.  This is often a reaction to strict discipline, especially when it is forced upon an unwilling believer.  The often-cited promiscuous preacher's daughter or the binge-drinking and partying of freshman college students who are newly living away from home and their parents' oversight.

If their belief systems were based on their own freedom of choice rather than fear or negativity imposed by others, then the urge to rebel would no longer exist.

Although the language difference between "I can't" and "I won't" seems merely semantic, the implication is very important.  "I can't" absolves us of any responsibility for the choices, ascribing responsibility to be due to some factor beyond our control.  For example "I can't lift a ten-story building" or "I can't breathe under water for ten minutes".  Most of the time, the "can't" part is conditional.  You could lift a 10-story building if you had the right equipment and training.  Likewise you could breathe under water for ten minutes if you had an air supply.

Most of our life is not about what we can or can't do.
It is about what we will or won't do.
We must take responsibility for our choices, good and bad.
Learn from our mistakes and celebrate our successes.
BE HONEST.

YOUR HOMEWORK:
Find 5 things you think you can't do.
Think about them.  Is it really that you CAN'T?  Or simply that you WON'T??
Think about how different those two states of mind are.

How Bad Do You Want It?

How bad do you want it?
I have been thinking about this all day, since going to Crossfit for the first time last night.
I am a martial artist.  I have been for over 30 years.  In my peak condition, one look at me and you knew it.
My body was that of a professional athlete, lean and strong; fast and powerful.

Now I am 45 years old.  I look like any other 45 year old businessman, with my suit and tie.  Maybe better than some, worse than others.  I no longer look like a martial artist.  I no longer feel like a champion.  I will change.  I will become the person I want to be.  I will become the champion I know I can be.  Whatever it takes.  How bad do I want it?

I am going to put some serious effort into Crossfit.  It's interesting, the workouts are varied, the teachers are smart and fit.  This will mean getting up earlier to get these workouts in before I go to work.  It will mean changing my diet permanently.  It will mean hard training.  It will mean the pain and soreness of post-workout fatigue.  It will mean feeling tired after.  It will mean developing new habits and breaking down old habits.  I want it bad enough to endure this.

It may involve people not believe I can continue, maybe even myself not believing I can continue.  I am going to be stubborn and fight every inch to get the results I want.  It will mean staying focused on my goals for as long as it takes to succeed.  I want it bad enough for this.

What do you want?
How bad do YOU want it?

John
http://www.chikaracrossfit.com/

Listen...

"My favorite piece of music is the one we hear all the time if we are quiet."
 --- John Cage


Silence is golden.  We are bombarded by a constant media overload every day of our modern lives.  We hear cars, trains, buses, construction, commotion.  We use our telephones, our stereos, our MP3 players, our televisions.  Most of us (myself included) talk too much.
As a species, we have forgotten how to listen.  We have forgotten to appreciate silence.

There are many kinds of listening.  For me the most important is the listening that occurs during meditation.
This is what John Cage refers to above, but it is much deeper than that.

Guro Fred taught me that the essence of us is our soul.  This soul comes to us manifested (currently) in our physical body.  The eternal soul has its own memory and its own mission; to eveolve and grow toward the ultimate goal of enlightenment.  To do so, our soul must cleanse of all wrongdoing.  We purify our soul through our diet, through our breathing, through our meditation.  In meditation we go deeper into our conciousness until we reach the place where we can begin to LISTEN.

What do we hear?  This voice is the voice of the soul.  It will speak to you and tell you what to do.  Not in the simple material sense (such as asking you to pick up a carton of milk), but in the broader, spiritual sense.  The voice will tell you your life work; your mission, and how to proceed down your own path to enlightenment.

I contend that much of our unhappiness, frustration, and unease comesf rom the simple fact that we forgot how to listen to our voice.  Disconnected from our soul, we feel disconnected from everything else.  In this state we cannot truly relax.  If we fail to listen, after we die our soul will go to sleep and start over.  We lose spiritual momentum and our soul will pick up where it left off in our next incarnation.

By contrast, through meditation, breathing, diet we begin to listen again.  By listening we start to change our life to be closer to the path our soul wants for us.  Our unique destiny.  This explains how some people feel they were "born to do something", and in doing so they reach a state of fulfillment that could not have been possible any other way.  This is a happiness which most people will never reach, but which any person could have.  If he/she would just LISTEN.  This happiness is not a delirious, giggling happiness (not all the time, anyway).  Rather, it is a sense of quiet confidence and CONTENTMENT.  This is true and lasting happiness.

There is no magic formula for this.  It is very simple.
Diet
Breathing
Meditation

Then...LISTEN.  I promise you will like what you hear.

What I Learned From My Dog

This is Butch, our pug.
He is the first dog we have ever had (now we have two).  I never imagined I would have a dog in my family, and now I can't imagine not having a dog in my family.  We have taught him things, and he has taught us things as well.  Here are the top things I have learned from him:

Get Plenty of Sleep
Butch sleeps a lot.  He is never busy just to appear busy.  When it is time to do something, he does it.  When there is nothing to do, he sleeps.  When sleeping, Butch is totally and completely relaxed.  He can sleep anywhere, and sleeps deeply. 
 
Drink Lots of Water
Butch only drinks clean, fresh water.  He is happy to have it, and doesn't need anything else.

Be Grateful for Your Daily Meals
Butch is always excited at mealtime, even if it is the same thing over and over again.  He really seems to appreciate when we make it for him, and he concentrates fully on eating when he is served.  He eats his whole meal and never leaves any behind.

Take A Daily Walk
Butch goes on a walk every day.  He loves to check out his neighborhood, and generally be outside in the sunshine.  He doesn't go for a walk on rainy days (his choice not to) and he is not too bothered when that is the case.  He prefers going outside for a walk to watching TV (except on rainy days).

Play Hard
Butch loves to play.  He loves to play fetch, and roll around.  He loves any kind of game you can think of.
Playing is very important to him, and he is never too busy to play.

Be Social
Butch knows all the other dogs in the neighborhood.  He loves to see them on walks, and play together when they meet.  He is part of a larger socal fabric.  He knows his place in it and is comfortable with all dogs; all types, all colors.  Some dogs don't like Butch, but Butch is not bothered about that at all.  He knows it is their choice, not his.

Never be Ashamed to Show Your Love
Butch loves us totally, completely, and will every moment of every day for the rest of his life.  He knows we love him too.  We are not his owners, and he is not our slave or possession.  He is our companion, who makes our lives happier becuse he is a part of it.  Butch wags his tail when he sees us or hears us call his name.  He licks our faces to show us he cares about us.  Even if he cannot understand all our words, he always listens intently.

Honesty and Simplicity are the Keys To Happiness
Butch does not pretend to be anything other than what he is.  He does not dream of a better life or a far away place.  Butch does not wish he had a bigger house or longer legs or different food.  He accepts his life as it is, and appreciates and is grateful for it.

Never underestimate the power of Loyalty
Butch has sharp teeth and strong jaws, but he would never use them on us.
He would follow us anywhere and all he would ever ask in return is that we try to love him as much as he loves us (if that could be possible).  Butch is always right by our side, even if we are sad or lonely or angry or frustrated or sick or tired.  He is always loving and supportive.

I wish I was more like my dog.  I wish most people I know were more like my dog.

On Parenting: Success and Failure

(thanks for the inspiration Sisters)

Yesterday one of my close friends posted on FB  "My parents told me they think I am a failure".  She went on to say that they felt that way because she hadn't decided to pursue a typical high-power, high-stress career such as finance, medicine, or law.  This made me think.

I am also a parent.  What do I want for my boys?

Before I dive into that, however, there are some realities of parenting that I would like to share from my 10 years of experience at it.  Sisters, feel free to have your parents read this blog.

1) You do not OWN your children (neither do they own you)
Last time I checked, slavery has been abolished in the free world.  Giving life to our children is the single greatest thing that can happen to any of us. We have, for that single event, the power to create something everlasting.  We have the power to create something that can change the course of history (good or bad); something that can be independent and individual.  We create change that can then create change.  We do not own the changes, we are merely a facilitator of them.

I am not against children having responsibilities.  In fact, just the opposite.  Having responsibilities is part of understanding our place in any group we belong to - and a family is one of those groups.  However, I always try to leave it up to my children to decide to fulfill their responsibilities or suffer the consequences of that.  They don't do their job; I don't do my job (like cooking for them, playing games with them, reading to them, taking them where they want to go, etc.).  However, it is wrong (and unfair) for parents to expect their children to do everything for them at command like slaves.  This takes away the feeling of control/freedom of choice from the children and leads them to the feelings of hopeless despair that they are unable to influence their own environment.  This is the basis of a fear relationship rather than a love relationship.

2) Your Children Do Not have an obligation to succeed at your failures
We all make mistakes.  It is part of being alive and being human.  Adding mistakes to mistakes does not correct them, it makes them worse.  It is the worst of mistakes to imagine that our children exist for the purpose of becoming the person we failed to become.  It is not their responsibility to become the sports hero we could not be, to get into the college we could not enter, to land the job we could not get, to make the money we did not have, to marry the person we couldn't win over, and so on.  Our failures are OUR OWN, and we have to be mature enough not to project them onto our children (who will have plenty of their own, believe me).

3) Your Children Need Not Follow In Your Footsteps
Likewise, if you are successful (first of all, good for you) it is not your children's responsibility to become your clone.  They need not follow your career path, but instead need to find and define their own.  Hard as it may be to accept, they need not share your particular passion for classical music, pro-wrestling, fishing, or whatever.  They will find their own interests, and as a good parent it is far more important that you share THEIRS, rather than the other way around.  if you don't over time it will become hard to bond with them.

4) Being A Parent Is About Learning To Let Go (so is everything else)
All of life is about learning to let go.  Let go of fear, let go of anger, let go of sadness, let go of expectation, let go of prejudice, let go of attachments, let go of desire.  The list goes on and on.  In parenting, it is very important to accept the family situation for what it is, and not to be disappointed by the many challenges that inevitably are a part of it.  Focus on the joyful moments and it is far, far easier.

5) Your Children Will Learn More from their Friends than from their Teachers (or their parents)
Peer pressure/social pressure is very real.  It is important to surround your children with good, positive peer role models, as well as good teachers.  Pay attention to your childrens' friends.  Meet them.  Engage them and understand what kind of people they are.  This will be far more important than you imagine.

Success
We all want our children to succeed.  In concrete terms, what do I think this means?
I want my boys to be happy.  When I say "happy" I am not talking about the temporary happiness that comes from eating ice cream or watching a favorite TV show (although that is OK sometimes, too).  I am also not talking about the crazy happiness of being at Disneyland (also, sometimes OK, too).  I define happiness as:

"Feeling a state of contenment born of purpose, and of feeling an essential part of one's social fabric, cared for and respected by others.  Valued.  Trusted. Loved.  Important. Challenged.  Rewarded.  Grateful. Free. Curious/interested. Engaged.  Aware."

I personally believe this comes from having a solid academic and ethical/moral education, a strong spiritual education/awareness (not necessarily Christian), and a balanced social network of friends and mentors.

Notice I do not specifically mention any career choices here, since I think you can be happy regardless of the job you do or the career path you choose.  I myself have been on many paths, having started my latest career shift a scant 3 months ago.  Anyone who thinks they can know their lifetime career path when they are still a student is not being realistic or is a very special person indeed (Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., for example).  Even many of the greatest of us did not know his/her path until they stumbled onto it.

Failure
How could I fail as a parent?  What would that mean?
I feel like I have had literally thousands of failures as a parent:  the many, many times I didn't say the right things at the right moment.  The times I felt too tired, or too stressed from work, or too caught up in my own life to give the time and attention my children deserved.  So much more.  Luckily, the big picture has a way of smoothing over the rough spots in the small picture.  I am grateful for this.  Basically,

• I would consider myself a failure as a parent if my children did not have self-respect, self-control, self-discipline. 
• I would consider myself a failure as a parent if my children did not feel loved and respected by me unconditionally. 
• I would feel like a failure as a parent if my children felt they could not trust me or depend on me no matter what. 
• I would consider myself a failure as a parent if my children were reluctant to talk to me about something important to them. 
• I would consider myself a failure as a parent if my children did not feel they had the tools to make themselves happy (see above).
• I would consider myself a failure as a parent if my children did not have a sense of adventure about their lives and a sense of wonder about the world.
• I would consider myself a failure as a parent if my children did not understand that success requires effort.
• I would consider myself a failure as a parent if my children were not kind and respectful to others or lacked proper social skills.

I clarify here that although I have had many failures, I do not consider myself a failure as a parent (yet).  Mistakes are part of the process, and I try to learn from them.  I remain focused on the above.

I truly believe the martial arts offers a rich and reqarding experience for any child that can help him/her reach their potential and develop the tools to be happy.  Martial arts are also very important to me as a parent since they help me train myself to be a better person.

In closing:


On Children


by Kahlil Gibran


Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

How 'The Karate Kid' Ruined The Modern World

(SO GOOD I AM REPOSTING HERE)

How 'The Karate Kid' Ruined The Modern World


By: David Wong May 01, 2010


I think The Karate Kid ruined the modern world.

Not just that movie, but all of the movies like it (you certainly can't let the Rocky sequels escape blame). Basically any movie with a training montage.

You know what I'm talking about; the main character is very bad at something, then there is a sequence in the middle of the film set to upbeat music that shows him practicing. When it's done, he's an expert.

When I am fired as the Editor of Cracked and run out of ideas for penis-based horror novels, I want to write this up as a self-help book, probably titled Fuck The Karate Kid: Why Life is So Much Harder Than We Think, by Dr. David Wong. I also have to become a doctor at some point.

It seems so obvious that it actually feels insulting to point it out. But it's not obvious. Every adult I know--or at least the ones who are depressed--continually suffers from something like sticker shock (that is, when you go shopping for something for the first time and are shocked to find it costs way, way more than you thought). Only it's with effort. It's Effort Shock.

We have a vague idea in our head of the "price" of certain accomplishments, how difficult it should be to get a degree, or succeed at a job, or stay in shape, or raise a kid, or build a house. And that vague idea is almost always catastrophically wrong.

Accomplishing worthwhile things isn't just a little harder than people think; it's 10 or 20 times harder. Like losing weight. You make yourself miserable for six months and find yourself down a whopping four pounds. Let yourself go at a single all-you-can-eat buffet and you've gained it all back.

So, people bail on diets. Not just because they're harder than they expected, but because they're so much harder it seems unfair, almost criminally unjust. You can't shake the bitter thought that, "This amount of effort should result in me looking like a panty model."

It applies to everything. America is full of frustrated, broken, baffled people because so many of us think, "If I work this hard, this many hours a week, I should have (a great job, a nice house, a nice car, etc). I don't have that thing, therefore something has corrupted the system and kept me from getting what I deserve, and that something must be (the government, illegal immigrants, my wife, my boss, my bad luck, etc)."

I really think Effort Shock has been one of the major drivers of world events. Think about the whole economic collapse and the bad credit bubble. You can imagine millions of working types saying, "All right, I have NO free time. I work every day, all day. I come home and take care of the kids. We live in a tiny house, with two shitty cars. And we are still deeper in debt every single month." So they borrow and buy on credit because they have this unspoken assumption that, dammit, the universe will surely right itself at some point and the amount of money we should have been making all along (according to our level of effort) will come raining down.

All of it comes back to having those massively skewed expectations of the world. Even the people you think of as pessimists, they got their pessimism by continually seeing the world fail to live up to their expectations, which only happened because their expectations were grossly inaccurate in the first place.

You know that TV show where Gordon Ramsay tours various failing restaurants and swears at the owners until everything is fine again? Every episode is a great example. They all involve some haggard restaurant owner, a half a million dollars in debt, looking exhausted into the camera and saying, "How can we be losing money? I work 90 hours a week!"

The world demands more. So, so much more. How have we gotten to adulthood and failed to realize this? Why would our expectations of the world be so off? I blame the montages. Five breezy minutes, from sucking at karate to being great at karate, from morbid obesity to trim, from geeky girl to prom queen, from terrible garage band to awesome rock band.

In the real world, the winners of the All Valley Karate Championship in The Karate Kid would be the kids who had been at it since they were in elementary school. The kids who act like douchebags because their parents made them skip video games and days out with their friends and birthday parties so they could practice, practice, practice. And that's just what it takes to get "pretty good" at it. Want to know how long it takes to become an expert at something? About 10,000 hours, according to research.

That's practicing two hours a day, every day, for almost 14 years.

Don't let me act like I'm some kind of guru here, either. I write boner jokes for a living now, but I'm three years removed from looking at the Classifieds and seriously considering making ends meet with night jobs that would have had me cleaning toilets.

I walked out of college at 22 thinking I was going to be king of the world within a few years. Ten years later I had failed at one career, then failed at another, tried to go back to school twice, accumulated $15,000 in credit card debt, and was working at a job where I was one promotion above high school kids.

I felt like I was working myself to death. Year after year. And even then, so many things had to break my way to get what I have now. A company happened to get sold to the right people, a guy happened to quit his job. Another dude died. If those dominoes hadn't fallen in just the right way, instead of Editor of Cracked I'd be behind the counter at Denny's, getting wrestled to the ground by cops because I don't actually work there. Before this happened to come along I had lost hope and lowered my expectations over and over and over and nothing that had happened in my life up to that point prepared me for it. Nobody told me how hard this was going to be.

All I had was fucking Karate Kid.
David Wong is the Senior Editor of Cracked.com and the author of the critically-acclaimed horror novel John Dies at the End, available in hardcover everywhere except the 72 countries in which it has been rightfully banned.

There is No Enlightenment Outside of Daily Life

"There is no enlightenment outside of daily life." - Thich Nhat Hanh

Many of us go through every day as if something is missing.  We are waiting... waiting for that special someone; that special job; that special product...that special SOMETHING that will affirm for us that we ourselves are special.  We seek happiness principally in things outside ourselves, as if someone or something could make all our worries, fears and insecurities go away.

Some people would read my title quote with despair.  They would imagine the fatalistic point of view which says "don't bother.  There is no enlightenment out there.  There is nothing worth seeking."  In fact, this could not be further from the truth.  Enlightenment is not to be sought in external things or special moments.  Rather, enlightenment is found in EVERY MOMENT OF OUR LIVES.  This is cause to rejoice.  We do not have to spend our lives waiting.  We do not need to look all over for a special tool to help us move forward, or a special moment when we can finally be blessed with understanding and awareness.
The Power to Change Our Own Lives Is in our Hands Every Moment of Every Day.

It is far better to use our time in this life appreciating the enlightenment that is completely embedded in our daily lives.  Our interactions with others, what we see, hear, feel, experience --- these are all part of our growing understanding and awareness of our connection to THIS EXPERIENCE, This NOW.  We don't have to wait for it - it is already here.  Always.

I encourage you to move away from the idea that there are two states of being:  unenlightened (where you think you are) and enlightened (where you think you want to be).  There is only a oneness of being --- which is already enlightened, which you must embrace by letting go of everything else. 

Moreover, it is even more important to recognize that there is not going to be a "magic wand" or "magic moment" that will transform you or your life.  In waiting for it to come, you will miss everything around you which is part of the enlightenment you need to accept in yourself.  Sadly, if you wait, you will miss the moment, and after all...

THERE ARE NO ORDINARY MOMENTS.

"They're All Perfect"

It's time for Ohanami (cherry blosson viewing).  Oh Yes.

This is the special time of year when all of Japan gets buzzing for the chance to see and enjoy cherry trees, the symbolic tree of Japan.  EVERYONE posts their favorite blossom pics on their FB profile, they make a point to go and see them in all conditions, rain or shine, day or night, warm or cold, for the few short weeks that they are here.  The TV news channels have real-time monitors of where they are blooming and when "peak bloom" will occur.  It is an all-encompassing few weeks in Japan that is one of the best parts of living here.

For many, it is simply an excuse to head out with friends and/or co-workers for drinking beers and sake.  For lovers, it is a romantic time (I vividly recall walking hand in hand with my wife in Ueno Park during the cherry blossom season in April 2000, deciding I wanted to marry her).

Why does Japan go so crazy about a bunch of trees??

Sakura as Mirrors of Ourselves
Most of the year, cherry trees are stark and lifeless.  They stick their fingers into the sky like ancient spider legs, poking at the sky in anger.  There is no color to them, and they look dead.  EXCEPT for the few weeks during the hanami season, when they explode in beautiful shades of pink and white, suspended in the air like fireworks.  It is hard to describe unless you have been to Japan to experience them.  Cherry trees are EVERYWHERE, so when they bloom, it is like God took his own special spray paint cans and colored the whole country in these warm, happy shades.  Our lives are not so different from this.  "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation" (Henry David Thoreau).  Sometimes, however, we shine.  Everyone of us, in our own way, can be called beautiful sometimes.  It is this essential quality that makes us human --- the ability for each of us to have a unique beauty.  Sakura symbolize this and remind us to never judge, since the ugly barren tree today might tomorrow be the most beautiful tree of all.

One Moment In Time
We wait all year long for cherry blossom viewing time.  We suffer the long, cold winter, waiting for spring to finally arrive.  The best symbol of this is cherry blossom time, when we know in our hearts winter is over and we can look forward to the mild temperatures and active outdoors of spring and summer.  It is a time to rejoice.  Cherry blossoms only last for a few weeks at best.  Like us, they are fragile.  Strong winds, rain, or sudden cold patches can wipe them out.  Our lives are also short and subject to factors outside our control.  This reminds us to live in the moment and treasure it, never forgetting how precious and impermanent it is.

They Always Come Back
All too soon, the blossoms fall and are dispersed.  We see them fade away, washed away by rain or blown away by the wind, until there are none left.  Spring gives way to the hot summer, and the cicadas and rainy season.  After the fall leaves change color and we are back to winter.  Still, the cherry blossoms come back every year without fail.  We, too, will return.  Resurrection carries a specific religious meaning for many people, but it is simply spiritual to accept (and rejoice in) the fact that the soul is eternal, and our journey will continue after our physical body disappears.  This symbolism is in the cherry trees and is comforting.

They're All Perfect
In the movie "The Last Samurai", Katsumoto-san expresses the quintessential feeling of Japanese toward their beloved cherry trees:  "The perfect blossom is a rare thing. You could spend your life looking for one, and it would not be a wasted life."  In the cherry trees we search for perfection, the true perfection that only Nature can bring, and not the artificial perfection of human creation.  We look for the same perfection in ourselves.  Finally, upon his death, he concludes "Perfect, they're all...perfect".  So, too, we are all perfect and part of Perfection.  The essence of zen is here. Now. In this Moment.  Forever.  Perfect.  Pure.

QUICK!  Enjoy them while you can!!

Exploring Jun Fan Trapping

In this cycle we are working on Jun Fan trapping.  Jun Fan is derived largely from Wing Chun, which is a Hakka style (Southern Chinese) derived from the White Crane lineage.  Such arts including Pak Mei, Kuntao, Wing Chun, and others offer a unique way of understanding combat that is very useful in modern day situations.  That said, most practitioners have trouble becoming confident in these concepts and applying the theories as they crossover into other CQB systems.
 
These arts have a lot in common, such as:

• Force directing down into opponent to destroy the structure (crane flies down the mountain)
• Punching forward into the chest/torso with elbows down and tuked in close to the body
• Rolling of the shoulders slightly forward to deploy the large back muscles for power
• extreme close quarters distancing -> every step forward into the opponent

If you attended Guro Fred's March seminar in Tokyo, you would have gotten a taste of serrada "close quarters" boxing.  This is an application of Inayan Serrada developed by Guro Fred to take advantage of the extreme close quarters range that is often found in trapping, and represents another example of branches which can be found from the Jun Fan trapping foundation.

Karambits
Last Friday we explored another interesting set of material.  Using the karambit, we did Jun Fan traps 1-5 and found that we can have great effect using almost the identical movements that we did using our empty hands.  Why?  Aren't Jun Fan and karambit (silat) completely different??  Yes, but also no.

Of course their martial traditions come from very different cultural sources.  That said, however, the In donesians were influenced by the Hakka Chinese in the same way as the Malays and Filipinos, and there is a strong fundamental connection between tem all.  Additionally, they both can and do operate at extreme close range, relying on trapping and misdirection to gain entry to the opponent's centerline/vital box.  I hope the similarities were not lost on the students.

Jun Fan into CQB Silat
Another interesting branch to the same tree can be found in following Jun Fan traps with Silat finishes.
While many KM students are more familiar with Silat being used for lowline sweeps and takedowns aimed at the knees/ankles/legs, Silat also includes a lot of elbows, knees, headbutts, neck cranks, and other close range weapons that fit well with the distancing of Jun Fan trapping.  many of the same principles apply:

• Get in quickly
• Tie-up opponent's primary weapons (arms)
• Stay inside the vital box/Keep opponent outside the vital box
• Attack the structure/Weaken the base

This Friday we will see what can be done up-close as we branch off from the Jun Fan trapping series into CQB Silat. I hope the students will find this challenge equally interesting.  SEE YOU FRIDAY. 

Cups of Water

Life and Death are big topics to a ten-year old.  Maybe too big.  When George's great-grandmother died last month he was very upset.  This was worsened by the fact that he was asked to attend the funeral service - a Japanese funeral service - and everything that involves.  I struggled to find a way to explain it to him.  I found two ideas.  One idea is that we do what we do for people who died out of RESPECT.  Even though we may be nervous, uncomfortable, or scared, we try to do the best we can for them to send them off properly; respectfully.  The other idea I came upon is the subject of this post - cups of water.

I explained to George that we human beings are not really what we see when we look with our eyes.  To our eyes, we see the body.  To me, this is the cup.  Our soul, the essence of us, is like the water inside the cup.  Cups, like people, come in all colors, shapes and sizes.  The important thing is that they are just vessels for holding the important stuff: the water.  Inside the cups, all the water is the same - so, too, all people are the same.  No water is better or worse than any other water.  They are indistinguishable.  Since there is no separation they cannot be counted.  There is not "one water" or "two waters", only "WATER".  When the cup breaks the water re-unites with all the other water at The Source.  The Source is an endless cycle and recycle of water throughout our world.  Water is infinite, just as our souls are infinite. The majority of our body is water (60% or so). I want to believe the majority of what we are is our soul as well.  Without water we cannot live.  Without our souls, we are not truly alive, either.

A terrible mistake is to look at the cup and think it is the water.  This cannot be so.

The cup is only the cup, and the water merely conforms to its shape.  It is very important when we look at the cup to imagine the water it contains; the water which is just like the water in our cup, too.

To take the analogy further, pure water is pure because it is kept clean and regularly filtered.  To me, this is our training and mediation, the charcoal for our water which keeps it pure and ensures it will not stagnate.  It is important to cleanse our water often to keep it clear and pure.  If we do not, it becomes foul and poisonous to the environment around it.  Do not allow your water (or your soul) to become polluted.

When I meet people, I will appreciate their cup, but never so much that I fail to recognize the water within.

Storytelling

(Thanks for the inspiration Jeremy)



Riding back from class last night we started telling stories.  For me, many of the trappings in my life have a story attached to them.  This includes my class ring (great story), my chain and bracelet set, my watch, my wedding ring (of course) and many other things.  Each time I look at them, I am reminded of some important event in my life.

As our lives go on, day by day, we are writing the story of ourselves.  We have to ask "what kind of story will it be?"  As authors of our own story, we have the freedom to choose.  This is the most important point of living.  Give any two people a pen and paper and have them watch the same thing.  You will get two different accounts of what happened.  This is what makes history unreliable.  It is also what makes history fascinating.  Real history is the history of PEOPLE.  The story is always told from the standpoint of the storyteller, and includes only the things that storyteller thought were meaningful.

For some people, the story of them is always heartbreaking and sad.  When you talk to them, the only stories they can give you are stories of what went wrong; of what tragedies they faced; of the despair they felt; of the failures they experienced.  While we can sympathize for awhile, at some point those stories don't do much for us.  There is no lesson in them, and hearing the stories makes us feel bad.

For others in the same circumstances, the same events bring stories of hope.  They bring stories of accomplishment; of joy; of overcoming adversity.  These stories inspire us and give us courage to face our own challenges.  Every good story has challenges.  Our hero or heroine must face hardship, but ultimately their will and strength of character prevails.  Along the way they do things that even they thought were impossible.  There are failures and setbacks, of course, but each one leads to another insight and a new approach to progress.  We cheer for our protagonist as they take each step. We learn from them and become more in touch with ourselves.

In the end, I wish everyone a life filled with rich stories, and the insight to make those stories the kind that are worth telling over and over again.  I hope for a Book of Life filled with adventure, love, fellowship, community, success, satisfaction, family, laughter, redemption.   I WANT A STORY WORTH READING.

Don't you?

Resistance is Futile

Resistance is futile.  That's what The Borg say, anyway.  Despite this, the Enterprise continues to resist --- successfully even, despite their many setbacks.  It is in our human nature to aspire to prevail.  However, there are two sides to this story, and one must ultimately consider "what are we resisting?"

Today at swim class, Yamada-coach talked about resistance.  He talked about not fighting the water.  We must co-operate with it to allow ourselves to pass through.  This means always "thinking forward" (a lesson in and of itself), relaxing the body(again, a lesson in and of itself), and removing resistance to the water.  By doing so, we pass smoothly and effortlessly, and go the maximum distance with the minimum effort (efficiency).
In hearing this, I began to consider whether or not mental resistance plays a factor in swimming.

We can consider two types of resistance to our progress through the water and, in fact, our progress through life:  resistance of the body and resistance of the mind.  resistance of the body is the inability to relax.  It is any muscle tension which prohibits us from moving freely and expends energy needlessly and wastefully.  Indeed, we should apply only that energy which is needed for a particular task, not more and not less.  This is efficient.  In the pool, this means streamlining our motion to reduce drag and pushing the water directly behind us, neither up nor down.  In the dojo it means keeping the body relaxed until the moment of impact (kime).

At the same time, our state of mind can also cause resistance.  We allow our preconception of situations and people to create our reality, and in doing so lose the possibility of viewing things with a child's mind, an open mind ready and willing to accept new ways, ideas, concepts and beliefs.  This limits our human experience and narrows our abilities.  It is inefficient.

In our training, we should focus on removing resistance whenever possible.  This means allowing our mind and body to remain relaxed, and to allow our natural flexibility in human interactions, problem solving and, yes, in combat as well.  Removing resistance is one important key to improving FLOW, both on and off the mat.  What are you resisting?  Is your resistance mental?  Physical? Both??  How can you remove this resistance?

Resistance is Futile.  Especially when your goal is success.  Think about it.   

Teacher and Student

Master and Student.  The relationship is as old as time itself.  Over the past 30 years in and around martial arts I have seen many permutations.  I have been a deshi (disciple) to two masters, and over time have become an instructor myself, although people calling me "sensei" still seems a bit out of place.  I am yet to reach the level of "guro" in FMA, but I do my best to impart the essence of what my current master, Guro Fred Evrard, teaches in the curriculum of Kali Majapahit.

Most Westerners look with either awe or disdain at the master/student relationship. 

We see movies like Karate Kid which show both sides: the evil master with his fanatical cult of followers who aspire to oppress the weak, but also the kindly master who teaches the underdog the true meaning of the martial arts and helps him find the strength in himself to overcome hardship and achieve victory.

This relationship has some implicit responsibilities for both parties.  For the student, it involves coming to class regularly, on time and prepared, with clean uniform and open mind.  It means giving 100% effort in every class to try to learn the skills and lessons the master gives.  It means trying to experience first, rather than just immediately questioning things which are not readily apparent.  It also means not being afraid to question in order to help find the deeper meaning which the master intends.

For the master, this relationship means teaching regularly, being on time and prepared for every class, with clean uniform and clean intention, teaching the class with passion and energy, and caring first and foremost about the students' progression rather than about glorifying yourself.  It means being a good role model on and off the mats, and being careful never to abuse the enormous trust the students place in you.

The giving/receiving nature of this relationship has as its foundation a mutual respect between master and student.  This is why we bow.  Without the master, the student cannot find his way.  Without the student, the master's knowledge cannot continue past his own mortality.

Not every relationship between master and student results in discipleship, which will be the subject of another post.  However, both master and student should have no preconception of an end result, but rather allow the relationship to develop naturally, just as every relationship does between two people.

My own master shows me things I already know.  He reminds me to be true to the path, giving me ocassional glimpses of what lies ahead, and is always an example of what I can be if I do not give up --- if I continue to heed his teaching, continue to train diligently and let myself become a better person.  He is not just a better warrior, he is my spiritual guide, my mentor, and my "life coach" as I seek the path to my own happiness.

This relationship is a sacred one and should remain so.  Both parties have a role to play and a responsibility to each other.  This balance is Yin/Yang and in accordance with the traditional Asian view of things --- two parts forming a whole.  

Trained and Determined

There are many ways to try to quantify the uncertainty of what happens in a violent encounter.  One way I use to explain is via the phrase "trained and determined".


Trained and Determined has several aspects.  First of all, we have to look at ourselves, which is the part of the equation we can control.  Being traing and determined means that we have received proper training.  Not just a knowledge of technique, but also training to develop appropriate reflex and response, manage stress, use psychology, have a sense of caution, and physical conditioning, In short, we have developed every aspect of ourselves as warriors.  Secondly is determination.  This means our commitment to being someone who survives an encounter.  It means not giving up - knowing there is always something that can be done.  It means developing a confident mentality and willpower that allow us to do whatever is needed to realistically assess and ultimately overcome the situation.

The other half of the equation which we cannot control are these attributes in our attacker.  While many systems assume an untrained attacker, it is always wise to accept that someone willing to attack you might have training at least equal to your own.  There is a big difference between a bar brawler and an MMA cage fighter (or skilled CIA field agent).  In our training this means exploring the highest percentage reversals/counters of our techniques and training to flow when things go wrong.  It also includes continuing to develop our knowledge through practicing with people of diverse martial backgrounds.

Determination is the second factor.  As I wrote in other posts, often the attacker's primary motivation is not harm you or kill you.  It is to get your property or money, to show they are not intimidated, or to express their anger or fear.  These need not be life-threatening results.  By contrast, a determined attacker (jealous husband/wife or suicide bomber, for example) may be unwilling to accept anything less than your injury or death.  In such cases, we have no choice but to respond as needed to protect our safety or the safety of those around us.  In this case, being proactive is completely justified.

Poorly trained assailants make mistakes.  In the case of Twiggy Fromme, for example, failing to charge the slide of her Colt 1911 .45 auto meant that President Ford survived her attempt to assassinate him.  The successful assassination of President Kennedy, by contrast, shows what can happen when an attacker is both trained and determined.

Lack of determination (or lack of training, for that matter) help us a lot, but can never be relied upon.  We must assume until proven otherwise, that any attack on us is done by a skilled attacker with the express intent of causing us bodily harm and train accordingly.  Hopefully none of us will ever be in this situation.  

In the meantime, how well "trained and determined" are you??

Self Defense For Women

In my previous post I highlighted some ways that violent offenders make fights unfair for their victims.  Often this extends to choosing women as targets either directly (rape or domestic abuse) or indirectly (muggings or robbery).  The fact is that even in peak physical condition most women are not the physical equals of men.




Not intending to restate the obvious here:

• smaller height and weight
• smaller primary muscle groups
• socialization against violence
• helpless or weak "victim" mindset
• inappropiate dress for defense (short skirts, handbags, etc.)

In my previous post I listed many factors that help in a real self-defense situation.
For women, I would add even more:

proper choice of weapon
In general I don't recomment punching with the fist to any of my students (male or female).  Although we learn this in our boxing, the chance of injury to the hand is higher than using the open hand or hammerfist to strike.  For women, I suggest the fingernails when attacking soft targets like eyes or throat. Adding regular layers of nail strengthener can develop the claws' hardness to be very effective weapons.  Kicking the low lines (especially foot stomp or low kick with heels) and CQB weapons like headbutt, elbows, and knees otherwise.  While high heels can compromise the balance a bit, one of my former students in Chicago backkicked an assailant with her heel and it was as effective as stabbing with a knife. 

proper choice of target
The most effective targets for women are eyes, throat, knees/feet and groin.
Of these, the groin needs some further explanation.  Striking the groin, especially the proverbial "kick in the balls" is often touted as a one shot stop.  This is hardly true.
It can work, yes, but needs to be spot on or it may only enrage the attacker.  As a man, I can say that the fight goes up a few notches when someone aims for my balls.  I get mad, and I want to completely destroy anyone who tries that on me and fails.  This means it is a high risk, high reward strategy.  If you miss, you have a much more serious fight on your hands.  In addition, every man who has any experience at all knows to protect his groin.  It is usually not an easily available target.

The best option for the groin is the grab.  I suggest the palm heel hit, followed by grab, twist and pull.  This has the highest chance of success and can work if attacker is in front or behind (bearhug or rear choke).  Grabbing the groin causes a shock reaction in the mammalian part of the male brain that is more effective as a deterrent than a strike.

proper choice of technique
I resiterate here that simple is best.  Eye jabs, throat hits, groin grabs, low line kicks to knees or top of the foot, knees/elbows/headbutts all have their place in women's self defense.  Attacks which immobilize, such as low kicks or stomps, also can be effective since the goal is to escape the situation.  I am not a huge fan of locks and grappling for women since most of the time they will lose on the ground, and proper locking under stress requires a lot of practice to be effective under pressure.

Weapons
There are some choices for women, given that they often carry handbags or purses.  It is important to consider that it is not easy to draw a weapon under pressure, so it is best to have something which can be carried innocuously (such as kubotan key chain, dulo dulo or the like).  I am personally not a huge fan of pepper sprays or stun guns, since there are plenty of stories of violent offenders who shrug these off and complete their assault.  The heavy key chain is a good option since they keys add weight to punches and can be used to slash.  An umbrella can also work if it is a solid heavy metal one.
Likewise, a heavy metal travel mug or thermos can be effective, too.  A solid pen
or the classy Montblanc version can work well, too.

I don't advocate carrying knives or karambits, although this is surely better than being killed/raped.  Likewise, guns are a no-no in my books, despite their effectiveness in the hands of a trained and determined user.

Sadly, women are often targets of violent crime.  Good training, good mindset, and an "equalizer" or two can help make sure you or your better half walks away safely.

Practical Reality

Let's talk reality.  Have a look at this...
(thanks to http://www.pragmaticmartialarts.com/  for the video)

OK...training in the dojo can never be exactly what we would experience on the street.
For premeditated attacks such as muggings, rapes, and the like, the attacker will usually stack the odds as high as possible in their favor (wouldn't you?).  Nobody likes a fair fight except the victim.  This means:

• choosing places with bad (or no) lighting
• choosing places not visible with security cameras
• choosing unstable terrain such as narrow alleys or hallways, stairs, elevators, etc.
• attacking from a concealed position by ambush
• attacking from the rear or rear side angles rather than the front
• attacking in small groups of two or three assailants per victim
• using weapons
• using surprise or deception to lure victims

Every one of the above lowers your chance of success as a victim.  While sparring can have some place in preparing for the reality of violent assault, what really saves your life in such situations is:

overcoming automatic stress and fear responses
our natural "fight or flight" response is part of our lower brain and evolved to help us survive predation.  Automatic release of adrenaline helps give us the burst of speed/strength we need in such situations.  Sadly, the downside is that this is a short-term benefit which comes at the cost of a loss of fine motor skills and clear, rational thinking.  Mastery of the response can give a lot of benefit by using this energy to help overcome the ambush attack.  For most people, lack of proper training causes this response to become panic and inaction, the classic "deer in the headlights" problem.

physical conditioning
This is simply not an option.  To better your chances of survival you need to be in the best physical condition you can.  While most real fights do not last 15 rounds, the stress can sap your strength very fast indeed.  When your batteries run dry, you are finished.  No matter how good your technique is, poor conditioning means a poor outcome.  I have yet to see any champion fighter step in any ring successfully without good physical conditioning.

muscle memory
You will do what you drill.  Complex drills are good to help break down mental walls and rewire ourselves for the benefit of ambidexterity and to create fluency in our empty hand and weapon techniques.  This, however, must be balanced with constant drilling of very simple techniques so that they become automated responses under stress.  Very important here are the specific movements you drill.  If you drill cutting people's throats with the karambit, this is what will happen under stress, and is frequently used to villify martial artists in courtrooms when they are sued by the survivor's family.  I suggest drilling the footwork heavily, since this makes a huge difference already.  I also suggest drilling defensive responses like elbow cover and head management since these need not be lethal responses.  Low line kicks are another useful muscle memory since they are non-lethal, but can really devastate an attacker when used correctly.  I love weapon drills as much (or more) as anyone, but cannot honestly suggest drilling these into muscle memory.  The risk of using excessive force is just too high.

simple techniques
Complex techniques are fun and challenging.  They help us to get a deeper understanding of spatial awareness, and frankly, it is cool to do them.  Honestly, these are not what will come out under stress.  It will be the simple movements that work and that save you.  As mentioned above, fine motor skills suffer under stress and complex techniques include many variables that will not always work in the heat of the moment.
KISS - keep it short and simple.  Fast, direct, simple technique is what really works.  No, these are not pretty, graceful or elegant.  They are...effective.

awareness of your surroundings
If you review the list at the top, you can quickly see that a lot of benefit can be gained from avoiding those places where ambushes are likely to occur.  When this is not possible, such as getting your car from the parking garage, be on alert that these are high percentage places for attack and act with caution.  Go in groups and be prepared.
It goes without saying that some blame is due to victims who lack common sense and wander dark alleys late at night steaming drunk.  It is wrong to say they are asking for trouble, but not wrong to suggest they are more likely targets of it.

proper use of individual and group pyschology
Luckily, in most attacks, causing injury or death is not the primary objective.
The attacker(s) want your wallet, your pride, or sex.  The violence is a means to an end.
My wallet is not worth dying (or killing) for, and yours should not be either. The schoolyard bully example is an appropriate one in that the bully looks to prey on a weaker opponent, and usually the first bloody nose is enough to get him to seek another weaker victim.  Attackers stack the odds, but also do not want someone to fight back.
Making it clear by your confident body language and posture that you are not a victim can often serve to cause attackers to choose another target.  While I am a strong advocate of ethical self-defense, this is a secondary consideration for me when I am ambushed.  I need to get out alive, and if that means serious harm to the attacker(s) then so be it.  In a group situation this means doing as much damage as fast as possible to the nearest attacker in order to give pause to the others.  I don't expect to always win in such a situation, but I will choose to go out swinging and making sure the winners know they are getting the best fight I can give.

There is no 100% success on the street.  It is at best chaotic and unpredictable and at worst unforgiving and unfair.  Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar (and most likely trying to sell you something).  At best we train to increase our odds of survival, and hope we never have to find out.

That said, good training and a good mindset helps a lot.